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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not want to change our plans for one family?

232 replies

kumakaka · 03/05/2012 10:53

DD is about to turn 12 - her party is the weekend after next. She has recently got into the Back to the Future films and wants a few friends over for a "Back to the Future" themed afternoon/early evening (bit retro I know, but that's what she wants!), the main part of which will be watching the first film. That's fine with me, I think the films are entirely appropriate for that age group.

Anyway, one of her friends is from a very strict religious family. There are many things this girl is not allowed to do, including going anywhere on Sundays. Because of this we are having the party on the Saturday, even though Sunday would actually be more convenient as DD has a sports match on Saturday too.

She sent out an invitation a couple of days ago and most have already replied saying they are looking forward to it. The girl from the religious family sent an email last night - she said that although the party sounds fun and she would like to come, her parents (and her apparently) feel that Back to the Future is not an appropriate choice of film and could we change it?

DD is upset - she wants her friend to come but has been looking forward to this for a while now. I told her to think about it and not reply just yet.

What should we do?

OP posts:
Original poster
kumakaka · 03/05/2012 12:12

Well I do know Christians who practise yoga and that's their decision. These issues are really not clear-cut but we haven't let the dcs do it. However that is pretty much the only thing they have not been allowed to do and it hasn't been as issue (yet). Briefly we know that as yoga has its origins in Eastern religions we don't want to open ourselves up to anything as we believe that "if it's not from God it's from the Enemy". That sounds heavy but not really!

OP posts:
JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 03/05/2012 12:13

Oh it would be kind to change the film for the poor girl, but really, what squoosh said.

I find it a bit sad that some posters' first reaction is to out-and-out refuse to consider it though. DS wanted to do a particular activity for his birthday treat but two of his friends were too short. We made other plans. I think this scenario is (or rather was ealier in the thread) similar.

runningforthebusinheels · 03/05/2012 12:14

I love yoga, never really thought about it as something frowned upon by christians. Although one of my yoga teachers does say it is like a religion to her.

OP - your dd sounds like a very kind girl, but I would make it clear to her that she doesn't have to change the film. I wouldn't be too happy about it myself, but would offer this friend the pre/post film party.

Hullygully · 03/05/2012 12:18

surely if they are mormons they would like a film that featured intergenerational and multiple marriage...?

Original poster
kumakaka · 03/05/2012 12:18

Jenai that does sounds similar but not a choice as such?

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Original poster
kumakaka · 03/05/2012 12:19

Hullygully you just be careful!!

OP posts:
JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 03/05/2012 12:19

I'd be more worried about her parents hanging around. That would be dreadful.

Hullygully · 03/05/2012 12:21

Don't worry, I have given up jokes!

runningforthebusinheels · 03/05/2012 12:21

Definitely no to the parents staying. Unless they're going to chill and drink wine with you Grin

Original poster
kumakaka · 03/05/2012 12:23

Well of course the girls don't want parents here. We were planning to settle them in front of the film with popcorn and hide upstairs with a large G&T.

OP posts:
Original poster
kumakaka · 03/05/2012 12:23

No wine!! Not allowed.

OP posts:
JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 03/05/2012 12:23

I dunno, OP. DS's friends didn't choose their height; your dd's friend didn't choose to be born to Mormons.

Posterofapombear · 03/05/2012 12:25

I wad brought up Mormon and you would have to be of the very hardcore school to think this movie wasn't ok!

The general rule is anything 15 rated or above or anything wildly anti religion.

Most 80's family movies I watched with church friends with full parental knowledge.

Some people are just weirdos who use religion as an excuse for socially unacceptable behaviour.

Please don't judge all Mormons by this standard, most of them are lovely!

runningforthebusinheels · 03/05/2012 12:26

No wine Shock

If they stay, you'll be needing that large g&t then Grin

girlywhirly · 03/05/2012 12:29

One of DS friends was from a Christian family (not as strict as DD's friends parents though) who believed that Sunday was a family day and so their children could not go out to play or even have tea with other friends. They just had to miss parties if they were on a Sunday, end of.

I wouldn't have altered a party date unless lots of the invitees couldn't make it on the original one.

It didn't stop me inviting the boy to ours on other acceptable days. I have lost touch with the family now, but can't help wondering whether the DC (now grown up) have made different choices in the way they live their lives.

I think inviting the girl to the party before or after the film is the kindest option for her without wrecking your DD's plans.

Puffinsaresmall · 03/05/2012 12:33

yogo?????????? are you joking??

TroublesomeEx · 03/05/2012 12:39

Actually, I think BTTF is completely inappropriate for 11 going on 12 year old girls regardless of their religious if the thoughts I had about Michael J Fox at a similar age are anything to go by!!! Blush

DontmindifIdo · 03/05/2012 12:40

yoga isn't like a religion, it is part of Hinduism, it's just like a lot of Easten religions where people in the West pick bits to practice/believe in, while finding it totally ok to take those as nothing to do with the rest of the religion...

But that's a side issue, I think it's right that you don't change your DD's plans, this is a good way for your DD and her friend to start thinking about these issues, because so far, it sounds like your DD has been the one to make allowances for their friendship, her friend needs to realise that these things do put other people out. So while she's young she can start learning how to negotiate having a religon that's different to the mainstream culture, if she's shielded from this when she gets to late teens and out in the world by herself, she's going to get one hell of a shock when she finds that actually, asking other people to change their plans to fit her is rude and won't happen.

Northernlurker · 03/05/2012 12:46

I know Christians who do Yoga and others who wouldn't go near it. Those who do it don't buy in to the spiritual side of it but see it only as a form of exercise. Those who don't go near it think you can't seperate the exercise aspect from the spiritual aspect. I am firmly in the former camp btw!

Fanjocannon · 03/05/2012 12:50

As an aside, I watched BTTF recently (having watched it over and over again as a kid and LOVING it) and was quite surprised by the scene in which Marty's Mum is in the car with Biff Tannen and has to fight him off (while he says 'you know you want it, you know you want me to give it to you'). Sounded like attempted rape to me and is dealt with in quite a casual and off-hand manner.

Not saying that this means 12 year olds shouldn't watch it, more that it surprised me that's all, as it seemed to send out a really horrible anti-women message.

The Parents BBFC website is really good for checking film content: www.pbbfc.co.uk/filmDetail.asp?filmID=200

Although BTTF is a PG, it includes the words 'shit' and 'bastard' among others. Again, not saying that this means 12 year olds shouldn't watch it, but as a parent of a 5 year old I have been caught out a few times assuming a PG film would be okay.

RavenVonChaos · 03/05/2012 12:50

I feel for the poor girl. They are attaching a huge amount of weight to what is a cheesy movie.

I would lie and say yeah no problem. And then show the film anyway saying that you forgot...Wink.

The parents need to realise that their daughter will eventually grow up and have sex and may even give blow jobs. Jesus won't mind, he liked sex.

porcamiseria · 03/05/2012 12:53

poor girl! Her teenage years are going to be fucked Sad

girlpancake · 03/05/2012 12:56

could you maybe suggest the girl comes over when the film's finished, assuming you're having food afterwards? Or maybe she could come for a sleepover on the Sunday? I wouldn't change the film though.

GoPoldark · 03/05/2012 12:57

Ah poor girl.

She's going to be FURIOUS one day when she starts blogging in the Mormosphere and discovers that BTTF is legit

Floggingmolly · 03/05/2012 12:58

I am struggling to find anything inappropriate in that film, on age or religious grounds Confused
You have made one compromise already with the timing, I would definitely say take it or leave it now.
(They sound a nightmare)