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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to change tampon etc in front of DD (2.10)?

315 replies

PatButchersEarring · 03/05/2012 08:25

Genuine question. DD has recently started asking me 'why I'm putting that up my bottom!', and I'm struggling to explain in an age appropriate way what it is I'm doing.

I mentioned this to DP last night, and his response was that I shouldn't really be changing sanitary wear in front of her if I can possibly help it.

I mean, it's not like I frog march her to the bathroom to witness the magic of my menstruation-but if she's trailing after me chatting etc, I just get on with it and do what I have to do in her presence.

AIBU to be doing this in front of her?

OP posts:
TheRhubarb · 03/05/2012 15:04

squeakytoy, I was never taught how to wipe and so for many years I wiped from back to front without realising, until I got an infection.

I also never got told about tampons and was terrified of using them. My mother refused to speak to me about anything like that and I recall crying because I wanted to use a tampon (I think it may have been for swimming) but didn't know how and no-one would help me.

Perhaps it's because of these experiences that I am now so open with my own kids. Although obviously I draw the line at having a crap whilst they are there - something I wish they would remember when I'm having a bloody bath!

D0oinMeCleanin · 03/05/2012 15:08

We had to take the lock off of our bathroom door to stop dd2 locking herself in there in tantrum for hours (she is very determined)

Even the dog can open it now

Privacy is but a dream.

When they ask I just tell them it's a lady thing and they'll learn about it when they're older. I answer any questions they have as appropriately as I can.

I don't see the reason for shame or hiding the facts from youngsters, especially young girls.

Chandon · 03/05/2012 15:33

just put the lock at the top, a simple one from B&Q will do, costs 2 or 3 quid.

Easy solution, really

D0oinMeCleanin · 03/05/2012 15:56

My bathroom is very tiny and also very tiled. Doing that would only encourage my very fearless 5yo to climb onto the sink or edge of the bath or onto the toilet and lean over to the door to reach the lock.

My father is a builder. I know how to fit locks and where they could be put, it would not be safe with dd2 to have one out of reach in a room so tiled and so small with so many climbing possibilities and I have no intention of having to climb through the bathroom window again to rescue a possibly unconscious dd2.

It would be safer and easier all round just to explain the natural phenomena of periods, no?

I do have a lock at the top of bedroom door to stop her breaking into my room and stealing my shoes. She often attempts to drag the washing basket upstairs to stand on to gain entry. This is the sort of girl who will remove tins of beans out of the cuboards to build a tower to stand on in order to reach the 'treats' shelf of the fridge. If she cannot find tins then measuring jugs or pans will do. Or a selection of dog bowls, with the water still in them Hmm. As I said she is very determined Grin

MrsHelsBels74 · 03/05/2012 15:57

I must be such a prude...my son doesn't come into the loo with me & I do feel uncomfortable getting dressed/changed in front of him (mind you, I don't always like getting undressed even in front of my husband Blush)
Can I do anything to ensure my issues don't get passed onto my son?

HeartsJandJ · 03/05/2012 16:42

Hello MrsHB - how old is your son? Did you take him in with you when he was a baby? If so when did you start to feel uncomfortable about it?

Do you know why you dislike getting undressed in front of him/husband? I mean are you shy or is it because your family didn't do it?

I don't really know anything practical to say, apart from maybe just to practice doing it! Are you able to look at yourself naked in the mirror?

I would think if you are aware that although it's OK to be private, being naked is not shameful in any way, and that is the message you are putting over to your son, then he probably won't have any major issues.

But don't be sad or embarrassed - how about if you just encourage him to run around nekkid and enjoy it?

PS Am assuming he's still quite a small child and we're not talking about a teenager!

Hownoobrooncoo · 03/05/2012 16:46

Rhubarb, why would you obviously draw a line for craps, does that mean those that don't are wrong? You've practically been saying that some more private posters are wrong to not want to do certain things in front of others as they are all just natural bodily functions to not be ashamed of. Why stop at craps and think that that is the correct way?

Sassybeast · 03/05/2012 17:09

I also had a mother who wouldn't utter the word 'period' or 'bra' and whilst I love her dearly, it did cause me huge embarrassment and angst as a young teen. I had NO clue how to manage my periods and no clue that it wasn't a big issue to just tell the games teachers that I was having a period. I struggled for years with tampons.
I have had no qualms about sharing age appropriate info with my kids. It's part of normal life for them to see me dealing with periods and my eldest has a little bag of 'emergency supplies' of Sanitary towels, wiped etc ready for her to use if she's at her dads, a friends etc. She talks about it all quite matter of factly. No big deal at all.

badtasteflump · 03/05/2012 17:55

Grin at *whaleoil - but using them as a magic wand is such fun - especially when you have white walls like I do....

at Rhubarb Grin

Just to add - I don't actively 'lock my children out' - they don't tend to follow me around the house so I just kind of pop into the loo without them noticing -I don't usually announce it Smile

Floggingmolly · 03/05/2012 18:02

I wouldn't do it. Not from any prudish standpoint, there's just no need, really.

Aribura · 03/05/2012 19:02

I don't get all the need to strut around naked in front of people. Personally I'm rather glad I didn't have to see my parents naked all the time. To be honest I think it's just a lot of people trying to be cool and modern and aren't so we ~open~. Hmm

5madthings · 03/05/2012 19:06

i dont strut anywhere but yes my children see me naked as i have seen them naked its not modern and open its just normal! most children get to an age where they dont want to be seen naked or dont want to see you naked and then let you know or else gradually you just cover up a bit more as they get older and more aware of the need for privacy.

my 12 yr old will cover himself up a bit more now, but will still nip in to use the bathroom if i am in the bath, he isnt bothered by seeing me naked, but as he saw me give birth nakedness is nothing! Grin

FreudianSlipper · 03/05/2012 19:06

ds has seen me do it, he always used to follow me into the toilet

i just told him that it was my period and it is something women have, he lost interest after that

though i did find him in the bathroom once putting tampons in his nappy (bottom side) i asked what he was doing he replied like you do mummy, he had about 5 tucked away :)

he also likes to point out mummy's nappies while we are shopping

StealthPolarBear · 03/05/2012 19:06

er no
I long for the day I wee in peace/ Actually they're not too bad now. But sometimes needs must. And I doubt anyone "struts" in front of their children Hmm

notactuallyme · 03/05/2012 19:10

oh god, this reminds me of ds rummaging in my cigarette putter outer bit in my car and asking what the white thing was. so i launched into how women had bodies that produced children and every month etc etc. Eventually he said 'cool. so you just click this and it stops?' i only ever keep tampax in there and had forgotten i'd shoved the new car park barrier clicker thing in...

JuliaScurr · 03/05/2012 19:11

What MrsLettuce said.
Dd just started and she's fine with it.

KatieScarlett2833 · 03/05/2012 19:12

DD has seen everything. She considers it a breach of her human rights if she can't follow me into the loo. This, to her, is an ideal time to chat. ... She's 17 this year....

Actually, now I think about it, I was the same with my mum Blush

FreudianSlipper · 03/05/2012 19:12

strut around naked Hmm

ds sees me naked and i know he does his daddy when he stays there (though this had to be encouraged a little, he has a lot of hang ups about nakedness due to the way he was bought up)

this will carry on until he wants more privacy and no longer wants to see me naked, it will happen in time

FreudianSlipper · 03/05/2012 19:14

having conversations when on the loo was popular in our house too (this was with my nanny) strange that she could not utter the word period,it was tummy problems

AnyFucker · 03/05/2012 20:46

well, I have had all the conversations in theory

periods, discharge, wiping bum, all that jazz

but I have managed to bring up two children to adolescence without either of them seeing a blood-soaked tampon swinging around nor them seeing me wipe my pooey arse

some things are up for talking about without necessarily witnessing

it's not the same at all (so don't jump on me) but I do think it's worth mentioning that if you educate your children about sex, do they necessarily need to see you doing it in action ?

I value my privacy... and no nosy kid of mine is going to breach it

I don't do those things in front of DH either, leave me a little bit of mystery please

5madthings · 03/05/2012 20:51

who is seeing blood soaked tampons swinging around? i sit on the toilet, remove it, wrap it in toilet paper and put it in the bin! there is no swinging around of tampons blood stained or not! (by me anyway the boys often get some out the packet and turn them into mice! UNused ones obviously!)

AnyFucker · 03/05/2012 20:56

I like having the option to swing it around if I want to Smile

and I don't have the dexterity to do a fumble job with both hands down the toilet, out of sight, doing the wrapping with wads of toilet paper and all the messing around that entails

I sit on my own toilet, but I don't sit on public toilets and my hips/knees wouldn't take the protracted hovering

I just do it privately

Changefromafiver · 03/05/2012 20:59

I'm with MrsLettuce

5madthings · 03/05/2012 21:03

i dont have to fumble i just sit on the loo, take it out with one hand, have some loo roll, (a couple of sheets not a wad!) in the other hand and then wrap it up, there is no messing around or faff involved!

fine do it privately if you wish but i dont like the inference that we are somehow 'swinging tampons around' and 'strutting' our nudity about, its perfectly easy to behave in a normal fashion when naked or chaning a tampon, you dont have to make a song and dance out of it! (unless you are that way enclined Grin )

Jinsei · 03/05/2012 21:10

Hmm, I had a mother who was dreadfully embarrassed about stuff like this, it definitely caused me to feel anxious and awkward as a teenager. I remember how horrified I was when I first learnt about periods, and how desperately uncomfortable my poor mum was when she tried to tell me about them.

So I want my dd to grow up just knowing about stuff like this. I want her to think that periods are natural and normal. She knows what happens each month, and she knows she'll get them when she's older. She is cool with that, and I am so pleased it won't be the horrible shock for her that it was for me.