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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to change tampon etc in front of DD (2.10)?

315 replies

PatButchersEarring · 03/05/2012 08:25

Genuine question. DD has recently started asking me 'why I'm putting that up my bottom!', and I'm struggling to explain in an age appropriate way what it is I'm doing.

I mentioned this to DP last night, and his response was that I shouldn't really be changing sanitary wear in front of her if I can possibly help it.

I mean, it's not like I frog march her to the bathroom to witness the magic of my menstruation-but if she's trailing after me chatting etc, I just get on with it and do what I have to do in her presence.

AIBU to be doing this in front of her?

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 03/05/2012 13:44

I get absolutely no privacy in our house because there's only one loo and three selfish males Grin Both dcs (boys) have seen me faffing with my mooncup and the odd pad. I just explain what periods are and to leave mummy alone 'cos she's grumpy (pmt). They just accept it and it's no mystery to them. I did happen to find the key to the bathroom door a few weeks ago, so try to lock it now as ds1 is getting too old to see all this stuff Confused

badtasteflump · 03/05/2012 13:45

I would not change my tampons in front of my DC - mainly because the blood may completely gross them out. ALso because my rule is I will wee in front of anyone (well anyone in my household) but poos & blobs are private Smile

TheRhubarb · 03/05/2012 13:56

Again, why is having a period automatically classed as a toilet function?

LeQueen · 03/05/2012 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5madthings · 03/05/2012 14:07

oh for the chance for privacy when in the bathroom...ha ha ha but tbh i am not bothered, the 4 madboys have all come in and out of the bathroom when i am on the loo, in the bath/shower etc from a young age and still do at times, they will come in and clean their teeth when i am having a wee (rolls eyes) and depending on my mood i may say can you wait a minute, but most of the time i dont really care. 12 yrs and 5 children later i am used to having no privacy in the bathroom!

i dont think its every bothered me, have always bathed with them as babies/toddlers, etc and am not fussed about my children seeing me naked.

re changing a tampon/pad yes they have seen and they are aware what they are for and why mummy has periods, i have always just explained it in age appropriate terms, bit like mrs lettuce we have also done the tampon experiments where you put it in water, but then i am a big kid at heart and its fun! the boys have often been found playing with tampons that they have taken out of the tube and drawn eyes on to make them into mice, its a standard small child thing to do isnt it?! Grin

i dont care if people do or dont go the toilet in front of their children or change sanitary products, its neither here nor there, i do hope all parents are open with their children and talk about these things and make sure their childrne know its nothing to be ashamed of tho :)

i dont think it has ever occured to me that my children shouldtn see me change a tampon, but then i had ds1 at the birth of his youngest sibling so having seen that there isnt much that is left to the imagination anymore! :)

squeakytoy · 03/05/2012 14:10

I managed to learn how to wipe my arse, and coped with my first period without ever seeing my mother on the toilet.

I never saw my parents naked either, and I managed to get through life just fine without this, and do not have any hangups about nudity. I do however value my privacy, and some things do not need an audience, no matter how young that audience is.

WyrdMother · 03/05/2012 14:11

For anyone who's interested I found this which talks a bit about how they think women dealt with periods historically and also why people thought it was to be hidden, I'm sure there's more out there. Mum Museam

5madthings · 03/05/2012 14:11

squeakytoy can you remember learning to wipe your arse? i am pretty sure you were toddler age or 3-4yrs and your mum/dad will have shown you how, that is what you do with toddlers and toilet training!

happyinherts · 03/05/2012 14:13

If you're quite happy letting toddlers / very young children see all - you shouldn't be surprised or embarrassed if they make inappropriate comments in public. We've all read the embarrassing things they say threads regarding toilet issues.

This is the main reason why i didnt do it. I do value my privacy - not ashamed of body or anything, just felt that some things were private and to be discussed at an age when they were more able to comprehend. Main reason to avoid the embarrasing comments in public toilets. Each to their own - there is no unreasonable or reasonable about it. Do whatever you feel suits you.

HeartsJandJ · 03/05/2012 14:15

Squeakytoy, I'm pretty sure your mother wiped your arse for you at some point.

HeartsJandJ · 03/05/2012 14:17

5madthings - cross post oops!

happyinherts - if you don't familiarise your children with your body then you're pretty much setting yourself up for them shouting out something really embarrassing when you are forced to share a public bog with them ...

badtasteflump · 03/05/2012 14:18

I agree that some things, such as waving used tampons around, do not need an audience. Somehow I've managed to get to the grand old age of 30 something without changing a tampon in front of someone being 'unavoidable' Confused

diddl · 03/05/2012 14:19

"Nowadays, they're completely disinterested in my toilet habits, but will still come and chat to me when I'm using the bathroom."

Yup, same here.

And if I want privacy I lock the door or shout "wait a minute".

I´ve nothing against people wanting privacy, but find it odd that that extends to locking your own young children out-if they want/need to be in.

TheRhubarb · 03/05/2012 14:20

happyinherts - no embarrassing comments to report here. But my kids have always come out with us (no babysitter) so they are used to behaving in social situations.

Ok, once dd did say in a loud voice in church that she needed a poo. Not really the same though is it?

As for public toilets, again not really an issue and as most of the time someone has the hand dryer on, I doubt anyone listens. Who gives a flying fuck if they do?

TheRhubarb · 03/05/2012 14:24

flump, why the Hmm? Do you think that we all have children that are exactly the same and therefore are just being soft when we say that we can't go to the toilet with them when they are little?

It can be dangerous in some situations to leave very young children unattended. Or you could have a little boy with separation anxiety like me. Just because you were able to do something doesn't mean that everyone else should too. Children are NOT all the same, thank goodness.

fuzzypicklehead · 03/05/2012 14:27

My girls (2 and 4) are unphased by periods. They say "mummy's leaking again". My favourite response was from my friend's son, who gleefully reported that "mummy had a dead mouse in her bottom!" Makes me die with laughter every time I think about it.

FrillyMilly · 03/05/2012 14:30

How old are the children that you lock out of the bathroom? If I did this my DD would freak out and get upset.

doormat · 03/05/2012 14:35

i take pride in my xmas tree till one year we had visitors who kept on laughing when looking at the tree...i turned around and found around 20 tampons hanging from the branches....ohh the shame Blush

doormat · 03/05/2012 14:39

my lil bro used to take my mums sanitary towels and take the stickyback off to use as shinpads for football in the street with his mates too...

WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill · 03/05/2012 14:39

LOL @ 'waving used tampons around'
Ive changed in front of the kids (they wander in all the time) without the need to wave a tampon around- used or new- its a tampon not a magic bloody wand!

fuzzypicklehead · 03/05/2012 14:48

Ahh, but if you get them* wet and then wave them around, you can fling them at the wall and get them to stick.

*unused ones, of course

(had a bored roommate in college)

HeartsJandJ · 03/05/2012 14:52

fuzzypicklehead - WHAT?? show them off in public?? Have you no shame??

TheRhubarb · 03/05/2012 14:55

I think kids are more likely to say things about dead mice being shoved up bottoms if they aren't used to seeing it and aren't given an explanation as to what it is. If it's a common thing that they are used to seeing they don't give it a moment's thought.

Pandemoniaa · 03/05/2012 14:57

My own mother was so embarrassed about periods that that she could barely speak their name. I also recall excruciating visits to chemists where she'd ummm and ahhhh if served by a man and say "Could I speak to a lady assistant, please?".

I remember thinking, even as quite a small child, that this seemed an awful palaver but since she was quite unprepared to let me into the terrible secret that required a lady assistant, my imagination rather ran riot.

With my own dcs (boys), they saw me change tampons when they were still at the age when they couldn't allow me into the lav unaccompanied (or couldn't reasonably be left outside public lavs) and I don't think I scarred them for life. They also knew, as soon as they were interested, that women had periods.

I really can't see the point in going to great lengths to disguise natural functions. That's not to say that it isn't greatly preferable to be allowed a spot of privacy in the lav. Not least so you can get some reading done...

squeakytoy · 03/05/2012 15:00

I learned how to do it with help, without a demonstration of seeing my mother wipe her own backside!