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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make DD invite the boys?

156 replies

purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 11:33

DD's 11th birthday is in 2 weeks and we're sorting out a party - a film evening and food/cake at home. There are only 10 kids in her class - 7 girls and 3 boys. She only wants to invite the girls, plus 3 girls from other classes. She is currently in a sulk because I told her she should invite the boys too.

My reasons for this are: there are only 3 boys so they hardly get to any parties therefore it would be a kind thing to to, and she has been to one of the boys' birthdays already but to invite him but not the other 2 is not on.

She maintains that she doesn't want them and they won't want to come either.

Should I insist?

OP posts:
knowitallstrikesagain · 02/05/2012 11:35

YABU. 11 is old enough to decide her friends and as long as she is not being malicious she should be allowed to invite who she wants. But maybe tell her that she will have to decline invitations if she is not planning to reciprocate and see how that discussion goes.

wolvesarejustoldendaydogs · 02/05/2012 11:36

I think it would be lovely to invite them (as a mother of a boy in a class where boys are a minority!) That's very thoughtful of you. Especially if she has been to one of the boys' parties, it would not be very kind to not invite him (and obviously then you have to invite the others anyway).

TeaTeaLotsOfTea · 02/05/2012 11:37

YABU

She doesn't want boys there she wants girls. Its her party isn't it??

I don't know many 11yo girls that would want boys at her party.

wolvesarejustoldendaydogs · 02/05/2012 11:39

X-posted with knowitall.

I don't totally agree with the argument about children 'knowing who they want to invite'. As an adult, if you throw a party, you know there are people you are socially obliged to invite, even if they're not your favourite people. That definitely includes people whose party you went to. I think, anyway.

WorraLiberty · 02/05/2012 11:39

YABU she's going to be 11yrs old.

I think that's the age where you should definitely stop trying to choose for her.

She might not even like them anyway.

MissCeliaFoote · 02/05/2012 11:40

I would just let her have a party for the girls, most 11 year old girls would feel the same as her.

SardineQueen · 02/05/2012 11:43

YABU she is 11 not 4

imnotmymum · 02/05/2012 11:44

YABU I do not get the invite the whole class thing, especially at 11 she knows her own mind and it is her birthday. If she wanted to invite them she would have.

HeathRobinson · 02/05/2012 11:45

YABU - what about all the left out children from the other classes?

Original poster
purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 11:46

Well I'm torn, which is why I posted. On the one hand she can invite who she wants, but she was very keen to go to the one boy's party last month, so I think she should invite him back. It's just good manners, surely. He doesn't have to come.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/05/2012 11:46

Next you'll be insisting she invites children to her wedding Grin

Original poster
purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 11:46

HeathRobinson - joke, right?

OP posts:
OldGreyWiffleTest · 02/05/2012 11:47

What on earth is the point of making her invite people she doesn't want !
Next you'll be telling her that she must make them welcome, talk to them and interact with them. She's 11 not 3 !

Original poster
purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 11:48

Because it's such a small class it seems to meant to leave out only 3. No big deal to have 3 more at the party.

OP posts:
Original poster
purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 11:48

mean not meant!

OP posts:
wolvesarejustoldendaydogs · 02/05/2012 11:49

OldGrey - you are being sarcastic, yes? If so, I agree with you. Parties are about good manners as well as enjoying yourself (ha, don't I sound dreary:) )

PickledHegg · 02/05/2012 11:49

YANBU I hate the culture of "it's my party I'll do what I want".

11 or not,

It's much more important to teach your DD to be kind than to teach her to be selfish.

MaargeritaPracatan · 02/05/2012 11:50

Blimey, we stopped the inviting the whole class thing at about...erm, seven!

You gotta let them choose, eleven is plenty old enough to decide for yourself who you want at your party.

wolvesarejustoldendaydogs · 02/05/2012 11:50

purple, i think you are right, because it's such a small class. If there were 10 boys being excluded, it wouldn't seem personal. But 3 children out of the class being excluded does seem personal.

Original poster
purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 11:51

Not that it influences my decision (much), but one of the boys' mums is always going on about how her son never gets to parties as there are more girls than boys. I suppose I feel a bit sorry for him. One of the other girls in the class had a party a while ago with girls only and the boy's mum begged the other mum to invite her son! The girl's mum refused!

OP posts:
wolvesarejustoldendaydogs · 02/05/2012 11:51

The alternative would be to let your daughter choose just 6 children (who can all be girls if she wants) so she is only inviting half the class.

MaargeritaPracatan · 02/05/2012 11:52

I'd agree with those saying invite to be kind - If she was six.

She's ELEVEN!!! That makes a difference.

SardineQueen · 02/05/2012 11:55

But she might want to sit around and talk about periods and boybands Confused

She's 11. 11. That is big.

imnotmymum · 02/05/2012 11:55

Pickled-I would not call it teaching her to be selfish to have people she wanted at her party! My 11 year old hates boys- even her Brother- and would be horrified at having them at a party

SardineQueen · 02/05/2012 11:55

wolves idea is a good one