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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make DD invite the boys?

156 replies

purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 11:33

DD's 11th birthday is in 2 weeks and we're sorting out a party - a film evening and food/cake at home. There are only 10 kids in her class - 7 girls and 3 boys. She only wants to invite the girls, plus 3 girls from other classes. She is currently in a sulk because I told her she should invite the boys too.

My reasons for this are: there are only 3 boys so they hardly get to any parties therefore it would be a kind thing to to, and she has been to one of the boys' birthdays already but to invite him but not the other 2 is not on.

She maintains that she doesn't want them and they won't want to come either.

Should I insist?

OP posts:
DeWe · 02/05/2012 12:28

I think as there's 3 boys, and they're obviously not invited not because it's "I don't like you" then I think it's fair enough.

Also what film do they want to see? My experience of watching films at that age is that some boys can be quite vocal if they think it's "girly" and start making fun and ruining it.

I suspect you're worrying that the boy's mum who you mentioned is going to demand an invite. tell her they're watching Disney Princess films back to back... Grin

MaargeritaPracatan · 02/05/2012 12:28

In a few years or so ( and yes, it is that close!) you'll be worrying because she's at parties with too many boys!

Original poster
purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 12:28

If she wanted only some from the class (and if the class were bigger I suppose) it would be different. But only girls and not boys when the split is so uneven numbers-wise - I just feel sorry for those boys. I have a (younger) DS who is one of only 3 boys in his class too, so I see it from both sides I suppose.

OP posts:
BBQJuly · 02/05/2012 12:29

YANBU. I think she should invite them all - and if they don't want to come (as she says) then they'll say no. Only polite to reciprocate for the boy whose party she went to, and then as you say you can't leave out the other two.

IKilledIgglePiggle · 02/05/2012 12:30

You know what I would do, invite the boys to the party and then tell her she can choose a couple of close friends for a sleepover the week after, and no I wouldn't force her, I just think with it being such a small class it would be nice to invite the boys......but my DD is only 16 mo.....I'm sure I will be eating my words in ten years. I have always like the way my DSs see girls as equal and have always had female friends.

ChitChatFlyingby · 02/05/2012 12:31

I've noticed in DS1's class that there are more girl only parties than boy only parties. We did a whole of class invite, but in years to come when we have more active parties I would prefer to start inviting a small number of boys - but that might be tricky because there is only a small number of boys and there's a couple I would prefer not to have around in a small group, so safety in numbers etc would mean that I probably do a larger group again.

MaargeritaPracatan · 02/05/2012 12:32

At eleven my son would have been quite underwhelmed at having to leave his cricket and football to go to a girl's film party, don't assume they have no life and will suffer untold damage if they aren't invited to your party.

SardineQueen · 02/05/2012 12:32

But what if she wants to talk about periods and boybands and giggle?

She's 11 - it's a strong possibility isn't it?

Original poster
purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 12:33

I still haven't decided - will wait and see what DD says. I honestly think she will be fine with the boys there. There are lots of social events where she sees them and she can get on with them - in a small community you have to.

OP posts:
MaargeritaPracatan · 02/05/2012 12:33

My son has plenty of female friends but at that delicate age I think it's so important to let them find themselves and decide who they want to spend time with. They aren't in Reception any more.

SardineQueen · 02/05/2012 12:34

For DD I am just going to invite her friends.
It seems that this is wrong in some way?
Why can't people just invite their friends to their parties? That's what happened when I was little.

Original poster
purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 12:34

Periods - well, maybe, but not in front of me I don't think!

Boybands - no way.

Giggling - yes.

OP posts:
bringbacksideburns · 02/05/2012 12:34

I think if it's her party she should choose her guests.

SardineQueen · 02/05/2012 12:35

purple yes she can get on with them but she doesn't want them to come to her party!

Are you really going to make her?

MaargeritaPracatan · 02/05/2012 12:35

You said she doesn't want them there! Perhaps she'll decide to say she's fine to keep you happy.

SardineQueen · 02/05/2012 12:35

Periods and giggling it is then.
11 yo boys are rubbish for that.

knowitallstrikesagain · 02/05/2012 12:35

I am an old mature women, and sometimes I have 'girls' nights where I don't invite men. They might not want to come anyway, but I would not take the risk of inviting them. Some of my best friends are men but there are some occasions where the company of women is just what I want.

This is partly why I have not joined Dadsnet.

SardineQueen · 02/05/2012 12:36

Well OK I haven't met every 11yo boy but YKWIM

imnotmymum · 02/05/2012 12:36

"I still haven't decided - will wait and see what DD says. I honestly think she will be fine with the boys there. There are lots of social events where she sees them and she can get on with them - in a small community you have to." She can get on with them !! It is her birthday in her house !! Sorry purple but really you know you are going to make her invite the boys !! I really think you are overthinking this, I bet the boys will not even care.

HeathRobinson · 02/05/2012 12:36

There are lots of social events where she sees them

Exactly! So they'll miss out on one social event.

Original poster
purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 12:37

She says she will invite them!

She doesn't want them to be left out.

OP posts:
MaargeritaPracatan · 02/05/2012 12:38

Do you have the guest list for her wedding worked out too? Grin

aquashiv · 02/05/2012 12:39

Could you invite all of them chances are not everyone turns up.

Original poster
purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 12:40

I think the boys WILL care, otherwise I wouldn't have been worried in the first place. It really won't be very girly, the film will be chosen appropriately and the other girls are very sporty/outdoorsy as is DD. There is no way any nail polish or pink icing on the cake will be permitted. In fact I am struggling for goody bag ideas as all the typical girly stuff will not be appropriate.

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 02/05/2012 12:42

Oh that is just so sad.