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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make DD invite the boys?

156 replies

purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 11:33

DD's 11th birthday is in 2 weeks and we're sorting out a party - a film evening and food/cake at home. There are only 10 kids in her class - 7 girls and 3 boys. She only wants to invite the girls, plus 3 girls from other classes. She is currently in a sulk because I told her she should invite the boys too.

My reasons for this are: there are only 3 boys so they hardly get to any parties therefore it would be a kind thing to to, and she has been to one of the boys' birthdays already but to invite him but not the other 2 is not on.

She maintains that she doesn't want them and they won't want to come either.

Should I insist?

OP posts:
HeathRobinson · 02/05/2012 12:42

What a shame. Sad

SardineQueen · 02/05/2012 12:43

The appeal of sometimes being with female only company does not equal sparkly and pink. There is a bit more to it than that.

Original poster
purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 12:43

Please don't feel sad. DD is fine now. Happy, even.

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 02/05/2012 12:44

I like to be with female only company sometimes and have done since, ooh, about 10.

It's got nothing to do with nail polish.

IKilledIgglePiggle · 02/05/2012 12:45

I think your DD sounds lovely.

Diary of a Wimpy kid is a good film for both boys and girls and craft stuff is always good for a party bag.

imnotmymum · 02/05/2012 12:46

Happy, even. Well that is what you get from pleasing your mum. This really should not have been an issue IMO. Guilt trip.

Original poster
purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 12:49

Craft stuff is a good idea - thanks.

Of course I don't want DD to be a mindless people pleaser. I don't always get things right by any means, but I felt this was the right thing to do on this occasion and sometimes you have to do the right thing and not just what you want to do.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 02/05/2012 12:50

Is it her fault she is in a small class? Most kids of 8+ in my experience have single sex parties.
I think 11 is old enough to choose who you want to invite to your party, although I did used to insist on reciprocal invitations to those whose party mine went to, unless it was a whole class type party they'd been invited to and they just wanted a few round.
I wouldn't have got involved in this and guilt tripped her.

SardineQueen · 02/05/2012 12:53

I thought she had chosen a film to watch already?

Original poster
purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 12:53

But to invite girls from other classes and leave out the boys in her own class?

OP posts:
Original poster
purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 12:54

She hasn't chosen the film but thinks she wants Johnny English. The new one I think.

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 02/05/2012 12:54

Your DD isn't mindless that's the whole point.
If she was mindless she would have done what the boy who wasn't invited to the other party did and made a fuss until she got her own way.

HeathRobinson · 02/05/2012 12:56

They're classmates, not friends.
If they were friends, she'd have invited them.

2rebecca · 02/05/2012 12:56

I don't see the relevence of whether or not someone is in your class. I hated some of the people in my primary school class, and when I was at secondary school we had different classes for different subjects.
If you are having a party you invite the people you are friends with.
I don't see what whether or not someone is in your class has to do with it.
OK if you are in a class of 30 you wouldn't just invite 29 people as that would be mean, but my kids had single sex parties most of the time after they were about 7.

Original poster
purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 12:57

Well I'm not sure it was the boy who made a fuss - his mum is rather pushy and there are issues there but that's another topic!

OP posts:
imnotmymum · 02/05/2012 12:57

purple- what about the other girls from the other class now, and the boys, and what about their siblings it not fair to leave anyone out you know ?

Original poster
purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 12:58

And the parents need a drink when they pick them up!

OP posts:
Original poster
purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 12:59

But actually - the 2 girls from the class below and the 1 from class above - it's a very small school!

OP posts:
HeathRobinson · 02/05/2012 13:01

I don't know why you started this thread.
You had already made it clear to your dd that she had to invite these boys and it seems to me that you just wanted some validation from posters for your guilt trip.

2rebecca · 02/05/2012 13:02

If she is in a small enclosed space with just a few people when at school all day it seems a shame she has to socialise with these same people whether she likes them or not on her birthday.

SardineQueen · 02/05/2012 13:02

You are really pleased with this outcome
It wasn't a genuine question
Couldn't you have let your DD have her own way just this once?

Can she have another party with just the people she actually gets on with?

Original poster
purpledragonfruit · 02/05/2012 13:03

She has just sent an email inviting everyone.

OP posts:
MaargeritaPracatan · 02/05/2012 13:04

How quickly your DD changed her mind.

Sulking to happy to have the boys there in no time.

ApocalypseThen · 02/05/2012 13:04

Could she maybe have a party that starts in the afternoon where they do the film thing, and then let the boys go at 5.30 or whatever and have a sleepover party with the girls?

I feel sorry for the boys! I know it's her birthday but poor little left out chaps! It's not their fault they're in such a minority!

2rebecca · 02/05/2012 13:05

Why isn't she at school? Is it a holiday down south in England?