to have put FIL in his place about nursery

[pointbreak]

Out of the blue he announced he thought it was a shame that DD had gone to nursery at 13 months. She goes 3 days a week, 8.30 - 4.30. She is at home with me the other two days and me, DD and DH spend the weekend as a family. She is happy as larry. He now admits it has benefited her but he didn't think that before she went. Please bear in mind MIL worked in a nursery for 12 years.

He went on to tell me that they were lucky as his wife didn't need to work when their DC were young. I pointed out that we didn't NEED me to work, but my career was important to me and just as valid's as his DS's career, so why should I give it all up. I did have PND for the first 6 months of DD's life and we all know that returning to work can help with that.

So, was IBU? What else should I have said? Or not?

sm i must applaud your contempt towards nursery workers...not only are we thick and uneducated but we need spelling lessons....it gains you no favours...

you have obviously taken one snippet out of this thread to become extremely judgemental and not see the good and the bad...

if you choose to live your life through rose tinted lenses that is your prerogative....

i am also your children and yourself are extremely happy with the care your children receive...but dont knock the ones that are unhappy

oh dear god woman read the post and stop foaming at the gob

Clearly i need to spell this out for you

do you understand i use nursery ft, since kids 6mth old and have done so happily?

i vigorously have asserted that most nursery staff i have met are competent. so that means im making a positive statement about nursery and the staff

irony is purposeful play on words, to mean opposite from whats written or said

so you see i dont pay good money to have my children ignored

is that clear enough for you now

stop fightin folks

£35 a day?

Mine is £42 a morning or £75 a day! London though..

faye this is mn public service
clearly doormat has spectacularly missed the point
you see she thinks i diss nurseries

£75 a day I'm glad I don't live in London!

no i dont think you diss nurseries..otherwise you would clearly not use them

however

you do diss nursery workers who have a different experience to yours and basically call us liars who do nothing, ( but protest on mn) if we see something wrong that happens in the workplace

as i said before i am glad you have a positive experience with your childcare..others are not so fortunate

doormat,why are so het up and vexatious
not picking
just asking

So for any newbies, a synopsis of the thread so far..

Some people think nurseries are BAD places and children should be with a nanny/childminder if a parent HAS to go back to work (PND/self fulfilment not included).

Some people think that childcare is BAD and anyone not devoted to their child 24/7 is a BAD parent (note this seems only to have been applied to mothers).

Some people have worked in not great nurseries and it has put them off sending their children to a nursery.

Some people have had good experiences of nurseries.

Lots of interim disagreement oh and the OP may or may not have been unreasonable, no one can remember THAT far back.

Did I miss anything?

I'll let you get by b,for bitter and c for cynical
might take while to get to v for vexatious

sm i am not het up at all... i just dont like it when ppl are insinuated as being liars when they have had different experiences than yourself..

if you had a genuine concern in your line of employment in a hypothetical scenerio(dont know what you do say for example a vet and you seen the mistreatment of staff or animals in your care) and you came on a thread and had genuine concerns about your workplace...

if i replied to your the thread "well why didnt you report it to rspca"
you reply "that you did"
and then i come back on and say "noooo you only protest on here"

its all about respect, diversity and tolerance

yes and I think you'll find if you refrained from name calling and het up posts you'd come across better

more respectable and tolerant
not pickin
just saying

To answer the question Cailindana asked many times - although others have answered it - no, I most certainly don't think parents and nursery carers are "equivalent". They provide entirely different things for a child, albeit both within a situation where the child's practical needs are being met.

I would be a bit freaked out, to be honest, if anyone suggested that they wanted their child's nursery carers to be equal to the parents.

From a nursery I want kindness, fun, support, boundaries, education, stimulation, socialisation and all the other things that come with spending time in a nursery environment. Before I am jumped on, I am not saying that SAHM's children have no fun or social skills, but I personally find the nursery environment to be a good one for DS1 to experience these things.

I don't want them to be his parents - I want them to be his fun, involved, knowledgeable carers and I believe there is room in his life for both roles.

thx for the advice sm...i will remember that when ppl are insinuated as liars

not picking
just saying

thou protest too much

gosh i love your just saying
the not picking
it's so heartfelt

Bub no one said anything about BAD parents. You are the only one who said that.

sm likewise mwah

apprentice on now,more sniping and she said,i said

Kungfu- spot on. I don't think a nursery nurse is the 'same' as a parent. It's ridiculous to assume they would be. They are offering something different. Many parents use childcare for all sorts of reasons, usually the primary one being to enable the parents to work. They don't do it because they think their child is going to be 'better off' neither Is the child 'worse off' - it is simply a PART of their weekly routine which works for everyone in the family, children included.

It's really strange, because it wouldn't occur to me to fret about whether a SAHM providing her child with a safe, caring, secure and loving environment- I would know that she has chosen that because it's what she wants (though I appreciated some mums would like to work but cannot afford to). It's strange that some SAHM feel compelled to obsess about WOHM and their decisions

It's like me constantly saying to someone who commutes 100 miles on a motorway "ah, but is your car the same as a bike ?"