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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have put FIL in his place about nursery

470 replies

pointbreak · 27/04/2012 13:55

Out of the blue he announced he thought it was a shame that DD had gone to nursery at 13 months. She goes 3 days a week, 8.30 - 4.30. She is at home with me the other two days and me, DD and DH spend the weekend as a family. She is happy as larry. He now admits it has benefited her but he didn't think that before she went. Please bear in mind MIL worked in a nursery for 12 years.

He went on to tell me that they were lucky as his wife didn't need to work when their DC were young. I pointed out that we didn't NEED me to work, but my career was important to me and just as valid's as his DS's career, so why should I give it all up. I did have PND for the first 6 months of DD's life and we all know that returning to work can help with that.

So, was IBU? What else should I have said? Or not?

OP posts:
doormat · 02/05/2012 14:53

my ds2 went to an sn school and was loved and cared for...i wouldnt even dream of thinking that he suffered at school..all the teachers and ta's were fantastic with him

and did you see mistreatment..if so did you report it to OFSTED????

CailinDana · 02/05/2012 14:58

I worked in two separate schools. One that worked on a particular system that was getting out of control when I left and wasn't properly regulated due to a cock up by the Dept of Education. It was closed not long after I left thank god. In the second school there was nothing to report. If I went to OFSTED and said "Mary doesn't tell {the girl with CP} where they're going before she pushes her wheelchair and she doesn't ask her what she wants for lunch" I would be told to fuck off. It wasn't abuse, it wasn't poor teaching, it was thoughtless and disrespectful. I changed how she was treated while I taught there. I told the carers they had to speak to her properly, always ask before moving her, offer her choices for lunch etc. I also asked the SALT to start her on a communication aid. Her treatment improved a lot while I was there, but only because I watched those carers like a hawk.

doormat · 02/05/2012 15:02

cailan and others i am going to make another thread in chat about ppl who work in nurseries and schools...as i think there a few things that need to be addressed

CailinDana · 02/05/2012 15:09

Ok doormat.

tinkerbel72 · 02/05/2012 15:53

If you can't know whether your child is happy or not when they've been looked after by their other parent for the day, then you have a huge problem. Presumably the only way you can resolve it is to never let the other parent take charge of the child .....

Thankfully I know my child was fine with his dad and fine with nursery. If its really important to other posters to try to undermine my confidence in what is best for my child then really it says more about them than anyone else

elizaregina · 02/05/2012 16:50

Just read an interesting plea from a mum in nursery thread, saying to all mums please please check your nursieries....

doormat · 02/05/2012 17:09

eliza is there a link to the thread

CailinDana · 02/05/2012 17:19

I know that my son is happy when he's looked after by his dad because I trust my DH completely. He loves our DS and having looked after our son together I know he is very capable. I wouldn't be able to say the same of a nursery worker.

hardboiledpossum · 02/05/2012 17:19

tinkerbel72 No one has tried to undermine you. A few of us have talked about our personal experience in working in nurseries and you have been pretty rude about us. Others have said that it is not always obvious if your child is unhappy at nursery, which is not unfair to say. If you are confident that your child is happy at nursery then god for you.

scottishmummy · 02/05/2012 17:37

love all the quasi-psychology youse in denial and chin scratching

aye well denial isn't just a river in Egypt. clearly it takes an online stranger to incisively see a strangers denials and defenses

I love the inevitability of such exchanges

precious moments: youse in denial you avaricious husk

nursery 24/7: my dc love nursery it's great, staff are great

precious moments: aha,thought so denial

nursery 24/7: what? I only said nursery us great staff really good with the kids

precious moments: oh youse sooooo defensive.hark at you

chuck in the oft touted much loved perennials ...
why did you have em if you let strangers watch em

I know someone who knows someone and she said they beat dem children at bleakville day care barn

and a few humph faces Angry Sad Hmm and it's a full house

CailinDana · 02/05/2012 17:41

Scottishmummy are you reading a different thread? I don't think anyone except you has mentioned denial or said "why did you have em if you let strangers watch em" Confused

hardboiledpossum · 02/05/2012 17:42
  • good not god!
Original poster
pointbreak · 02/05/2012 17:43

Yes, it is terrible what happened to her DS, awful. BUT, you scaremonger eliza, that does not mean things like this are commonplace. We all know that is the exception, thank the lord. But you know what, lets all take our children out of schools as I read in the Daily Fail about a teacher that seduced a pupil. And, oh dear whilst I am at it I am never going the Dr again as I read about one that abused a patient.

I do not in anyway wish to undermine what happened to that lady's poor DS, but there really is no need to scaremonger like that.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 02/05/2012 17:43

oh do keep up
and I don't think it's wholly appropriate to link to a distressing nursery thread to prove some point, it's a bit icky

Sirzy · 02/05/2012 17:44

I agree pointbreak

doormat · 02/05/2012 17:47

sm sirzy and point..it is my fault, i asked for a link to the thread..it want intended to scaremonger...plz give her a break..she only did it because i asked

Sirzy · 02/05/2012 17:48

She mentioned it though before then!

It just seems in bad taste, nobody had denied there are some bad nurseries so I am not sure what exactly she wanted to gain.

doormat · 02/05/2012 17:50

sirzy pounce on me ,,,but not eliza plz..i asked her for link

scottishmummy · 02/05/2012 17:51

frankly one could cite figures of children harmed by parents,carers,cm
or a cm prosecuted for shaken baby syndrome
or cruel carers

but I won't as we all sadly know that a small minority if adults perpetrate such acts. but thankfully it's a small minority and not representative of parents,carers,nannies, or cm

just as a small minority of nursery staff are neglectful

Sirzy · 02/05/2012 17:52

Doormat like I said she had already mentioned it which IMO was needless.

tinkerbel72 · 02/05/2012 17:52

.... And some of us leave our children with other adults (apart from the other parent) who can also be relied on 100% to care sensitively and well for our precious children.

elizaregina · 02/05/2012 17:54

That lady wasnt scaremongring, she was giving her experiences to educate people....you know - she thought it was a good nursery, had good ofsted and if one person who reads that who is new to it all thinks....oh maybe ofsted cant be trusted then good.

Are you also saying then that all these panorama exposes about old peoples homes or winter bourne view are scaremongering? Whistle blowers are scaremongering?

If I put my next child in nusery I want to hear as much about them good or bad as possible to arm myself with knowledge, to know where to put her.

I have learned alot from people on this thread, the ones who have actually worked in a nursery that is, and I am very grateful. Just as I am grateful to anyone who has had a bad experience anywhere telling other people about it and getting it out in the open.

scottishmummy · 02/05/2012 17:58

don't think it's appropriate to discuss another mum real life situation to prove some global point on a general nursery spat

it's bad taste

stick to the I know someone who knew someone

or reflect that most who allegedly saw malpractice did not whistle blow to nursery
only to mn it seems