To be surprised at the amount of women that still seem to be subservient to men?

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

This isn't a thread about a thread, it's a thread about general observations I've made, both on here and in RL.

We are meant to be living in an age of equality. Yet on here there seem to be so many replies on threads about men saying things like 'Awwww men don't understand housework' and 'Bless them, men need their blokes weekends away' and 'I don't think men see mess'. On threads for example about men not pulling their weight in the house, replies will say things like 'if he works long hours YABU' without even considering that the woman might work too.

I'm just surprised that some women do still seem to have the attitude that men can and should do what they like and that it's ok for women to pick up the slack. It's not the ideal thing to teach to the next generation is it?

My husband does all the laundry in here. All of it.
It's our arrangement. Mon - Fri I do all the tidying and cleaning and most of the cooking and shopping. I am a sahm.
He works FT and Mon - Fri does all the laundry. Sorting, washing, hanging, folding and putting away. We have three kids, including two toddlers, so washing is always abundant.

At the weekends we both pitch in with everything.

Yes so true op. I also remember a thread where someone actuallly said that is was ok for a dh to do nothing in the house because he worked longer hours than his partner.

YANBU. Although to be fair I think my boyfriend actually DOESN'T see mess! But obviously that wouldn't make me let him get away with not tidying. What we did was made a deal that I would do all the 'little' bits of tidying but more often, like tidying the kitchen or the bedroom, because I do like things to be immaculate whereas he doesn't get fussed, but he always does the dishwasher, and does hoovering/mopping and cleans the oven, that sort of thing, every weekend. He does seem to much prefer doing one big job than a few little ones. Cooking we share equally but to be fair when he cooks he usually makes more effort than me. I think I've got the best side of the bargain but I'm not telling him that.

We also wash clothes separately, used to 'share' washing but then I realised it still wasn't really fair, because he plays a lot of sport so will get through two washes a day, is more sweaty than me so will only wear something once, whereas I will wear a skirt like on three separate occasions before washing it. So now I just put my washing in a separate bag because it's not fair to take turns doing the washing all together when he makes four times the amount of washing I do!

When my boyfriend goes to stay with his mum (he's only 21 so this is quite a regular occurrence) I know that she picks up after him, makes him cups of tea all day, insists on making his breakfast and even puts away his clothes in the wardrobe, so as soon as we moved in I made sure I was VERY clear that I would not be picking up after him even if he doesn't 'see' mess!

Pictish, have you ever mentioned that on other threads? Did you ever get your guts hollowed out for not doing your womanly duty? Cos I was pretty much eviscerated.

I do much more in the house because I work pt and dh works or at least is on call 6 days a week at whatever time he's needed (vicar) and he is an Aspie so needs space/alone time to function. He will fill and empty the dishwasher, until recently (when we moved and the dynamics changed for practical reasons) he got ds up and ready to nursery on the days that I work. He will cook when needed, do all the DIY and maintenance stuff and hoover very thoroughly top to bottom (which I hate) whenever I ask.

Sending him to the supermarket is absolutely pointless as he's hopeless.

My main gripe is that he leaves ds to me too much.

Maybe I'm too soft? I'm working hard to leave a very abusive history behind and I'm only now becoming assertive and aware of my own needs and rights. Thing is, same is happening for dh so lots of struggles.

eurochick my oh works full time and I am a sham

Or is op expecting him to do 50% of the housework and cooking after a 12 hour shift whilest I have been at home all day

I think if you both work full time then fair dues if one works full time and the other part time then the house work should be 70 - 30 and if one works and one is at hime then it's a no brainier

I can't make DH do his share of the housework but I can make him pay for the cleaner who comes in once a week.

Cailin: I don't wash DH's clothes either. DH thinks he's better at it than me, so I let him get on with it. I'll wash my own clothes or the kids' if it needs done, but I always leave DH's. He'll only moan that it wasn't done right (even though I do exactly what he does). This, of course, means that he spends an inordinate among of time moaning that he has no clean clothes.

I didn't realise anyone would even care about the process by which clothes get cleaned in my house.

While I'm at it, I don't hoover either.

waltermissy I am the same as you; my mum is very subservient to my dad and does everything for him. If he wants quiet then she is quiet. If he wants a cup of tea then he wants a cup of tea. If she wants to go into town but he wants to go to B&Q, B&Q it is!

My mum regularly rolls her eyes when I refuse to do things for DH and always tells me how lucky I am that he does his share of parenting his own children. I'm not bothered though, I was determined to do things differently to my mum

Sorry, of course I meant waltermitty!!

I have mentioned it before I think, but was not annihilated for neglecting my wifely obligations.

It's not subservience to clean up/wash up/ whatever out of choice / arrangement etc etc.

I'd see subservience as doing everything your partner wants all the time and being at his beck and call, obeying "his" rules, iyswim. Only ever doing things with his say so.

I don't think it's totally about housework though, it's about attitudes.

Attitudes that it's ok for men not to do housework or look after their children or cook meals or not go on week long stag holidays, just because they're 'men'. It's about double standards.

We're pretty much 50/50 here, at least it feels fair. Dh washes his own clothes too (and other peoples) . And then irons and puts away although I like putting away as it is satisfying to me seeing clothes hung nice and folded on the shelves . During the week I am at home more so I do more where-as at the weekend he does more, as well as more outdoorsy stuff. We take it in turns to have a lie in at the weekend and who cooks and takes the Dc's out as well, so theoretically we both get a day off.

YANBU I am a SAHM so do most of the housework/childcare but my dh still seems to do more around the house than a lot of men whose wives work full time! I don't know why they put up with it.

Cailin I actually worked with a man who took his washing home to his wife while we were working away from home and had NEVER used a washing machine I asked what he did at uni and he took all his washing home for his Mum! He couldn't cook either.

Exactly hex.

There are a lot of people (women as well as men) who see cooking, cleaning, raising children, general keeping-the-home-together stuff not as work at all, but 'just what women do'. The men are the ones who work if they're in paid employement, what a woman does at home doesn't count as it's just what's expected of her.

Some women prop up this rubbish too, talking about dads 'babysitting' the kids if mum goes out for an evening or some reference to having 'trained him well' if he knows one end of a hoover from the other . A friend of mine asked me if I realised how lucky I was because she saw DP hanging up some washing when she came round one evening

YANBU but, like someone else said on here, I dont know anyone in rl that posts on here so. What I will say though, is that I work with two 25 year olds that cant wait to get married this year so they can get pregnant and leave work. I know another one who is getting "pocket money" off her bloke and she works full time!!

I spoke to a friend this morning who is fed up with her DH because he is going to football away for the third time in five weeks this week, while she will be on her own all weekend. Yet, everytime I invite her away with me she says she cant come because there's no point in "upsetting" her husband. Its crazy.

MrBoJangles, my view is that it is 50/50 if you both get roughly equal leisure time.

We both work full time (me longer hours than him). We don't clean much because we have a cleaner. The rest of the stuff we divide roughly 50/50. He does pretty much all the cooking. I do pretty much all the tidying. We have found a division that works for us.

Eh all you non-washers of your partner's clothes where were you when I needed you? Eh? Maybe we should start a "non-washers of partner's clothes" quiche as we clearly share an abnormality.

Oh and what about going out to wet the baby's head when it's just been born? Some-one suggested it to DH when they were visiting me in hosp just after I'd had DS1 and went away wishing they hadn't bothered. Especially when he came back with my friend (his gf) and they only let her in.

I do agree that the one who cares about certain things does more. DH does loads of things more than me such as ironing all my stuff etc but he likes that and I hate it. He used to do 100% of the cooking before kids to. I do some cooking now I am older and a mum. He did all that cause he cared more.

Same as I do all the admin/finance as he hasnt got a clue even who are mortgage is with. It all works out if you get with someone who likes doing what you hate

I may be my own worst enemy but no way do I want to sit in a full church with dh up front in garments that he's ironed himself