To be surprised at the amount of women that still seem to be subservient to men?

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

This isn't a thread about a thread, it's a thread about general observations I've made, both on here and in RL.

We are meant to be living in an age of equality. Yet on here there seem to be so many replies on threads about men saying things like 'Awwww men don't understand housework' and 'Bless them, men need their blokes weekends away' and 'I don't think men see mess'. On threads for example about men not pulling their weight in the house, replies will say things like 'if he works long hours YABU' without even considering that the woman might work too.

I'm just surprised that some women do still seem to have the attitude that men can and should do what they like and that it's ok for women to pick up the slack. It's not the ideal thing to teach to the next generation is it?

I agree. It's 50/50 in our household. There is no way I would have married someone who would not pull his weight.

Ditto here, Eurochick.

It does make me laugh on some threads when some posters excuse men as 'it's just men being men' yet if the coin was flipped and a female poster said she was doing/not doing those things she would get a roasting

I said on a thread once that I don't wash my DH's clothes. I was told I was neglecting my son, that my husband would leave me, that I was mean and petty, the whole shebang. It was seriously seriously weird. Never mind the fact that DH doesn't mind one bit, and that I do practically all of the other housework. No, because I didn't do his laundry like a good little wifey I was going to be abandoned for being a slutty slattern. Freakish.

Oh god, I totally agree.

It's like nothing has happened since 1950.

Sometimes I literally want to reach through the computer and shake people.

Guess that makes me a radical feminist!

YANBU

I do far too much in our house. And I can't work out whether it is because I don't mind, because of some (genuine) specific difficulties DH has, because of the nature of his work, or because I'm a mug

Hi there, I think I'm lucky, my dh is in the forces so he is like a mini me, we do what ever needs doing together. If he's home and I'm at work he tidies up, makes the dinner, cleans the bathrooms, irons and vice versa but when we used to live in the uk and went to see my mum it was a whole different ball game. My mum would wait on him hand and foot, cooked breaky, dinner in the posh sitting room watching the news whilst I sat in the kitchen with the kids. Cracked me up because it ain't like that at home. He thought it was hilarious and lapped it up lol. My mum does this to my sisters other halfs as well and that's how my dad was treated. My kids all know that it is not like that nowadays, we both had the kids and we both work hard so between us as a family we do what needs doing as and when. Sack that doing everything myself and more I'd just tke the credit card, book into a posh hotel and stay put till he was willing to change lol.

dreamingbohemian, I too want to shake people

Is MN a reflection of real life?

Or a reflection of people who use MN?

I don't know anyone who posts on here.

Progress has been made but it's battling against centuries of everyone being told that women are servants and exist for men's benefit. Not everyone is able to shake that off overnight, especially if their families and current partners are fairly sexist.

There was a thread the other day about a mum and a SAHD going on holiday and him spending the whole time doing his own thing, and many were saying 'Ahhh he needs a break from doing the childcare' despite the fact that the OP worked full time and could have done with a break too. If on the other hand the thread was about a working dad and a SAHM, well the replies would have been different 'Awwwww he's out at work all day, he needs a break'

Alittlemoretime, I do know a couple of people in real life who are very subservient to their men and do everything that the men say. One 'friend's' husband decided he didn't like me a year or two ago and as a result I can't go round their house now. My friend is still very much my friend and is in contact with me a lot but she won't dare disobey her husband. Nothing happened BTW, her husband is just a sexist arse who thinks the world revolves around him and has a lot of enemies.

No, I agree.

I've fairly recently started working pt from home and that definitely changed the balance of who did what. I did struggle with it, but have now got it to a place where I feel what we do is proportionately fair and I hired a cleaner - although it is split down very traditional gender roles which does worry me somewhat. I do the cooking, so because I do the cooking I shop, and because I'm at home I do 90% of school liasing, pick-ups, homework, etc. DH does house and car maintenance, picking up beer and takeaways, IT stuff. That does sound like we're still in the 50's - but it is equal and it works for us.

Oh good, glad I'm not the only one Hex

Cailin I remember that thread... I also seem to remember another thread where people twigged that you were the woman who didn't wash her husband's clothes, like you were the neighbourhood paedo or something...

I agree.

If I read or hear someone saying "men just don't see mess" or "they need to have everything outlined to them or they don't know what to do" once more, I'm going to bop whatever soppy mare has said it on the nose.

Allow me to dispel the myth:

He DOES see mess. He sees mess in exactly the same way you do. He sees it, and knows exactly what to do about it. He just doesn't care, and knows you'll cave in a do it instead.

Stop being servile and wiping his arse for him. You're not his mum!

My DH does shag all house work. This is purely because he is a lazy fecker who doesn't give a shit about it.

YANBU

I've seen a thread on here before too where a woman was saying her DH had very little input in parenting their baby and other posters were saying 'Oh bless him, men often don't feel very confident with babies, perhaps he'll be a better parent once baby is older', basically excusing the fact that the father was a lazy fucker. Women don't have the option of 'being unconfident' with their own baby yet it seems ok for men to behave that way.

LOL @ not doing hubby's laundry equating to being like the local paedo, that's hilarious!

Oh you are DNBU! One of my best friends still behaves like the "little woman".

Won't buy anything for herself without his say so, always cooks the dinner despite him being home from lunchtime. Won't go anywhere without him, won't do anything without him, he controls / looks after the household bills etc.

He does none of this in a nasty way and he's a nice guy. It's the way she wants it, so I suppose it's fair enough. I have a pop psychology theory about it that because her father was largely absent growing up she wants to be "looked after" by a man.

I couldn't live this way, my father was absent a lot growing up but my mum taught me to be independent, and so I hate feeling "looked after". I like to be in control.

ramble ramble ramble...

Yup dreaming :) Any time I mention that I don't wash his clothes (in the context of other threads) I get asked a hundred questions about it even if I say I don't want to talk about it as I don't want to derail the thread. It's like people can't believe I don't wash his clothes, like I'm some sort of weird aberration or something. Plenty of men don't even know how to use the washing machine, but a woman who doesn't do all the household washing is just wrong.

Yabu. I wouldn't mind if my dh looked at me with a patronising smile while I was staring blankly at my car wondering how the hell to change a tyre, so I'm quite happy to do the same back to him when he hasnt got a clue what he's doing with the washing.

Equality doesn't mean we have to be the same, it just means we have to put the same amount of effort in. So as long as dh puts effort in to his thing (which for us is earn the money) then its only right that I should put in as much effort doing my thing (which for us is the housework).

Hex unfortunately I come from a family of women with this exact attitude. I'm something of a mouthy oddity. Meh. I'd rather be "odd" and spout my "feminist shite" than believe I'm so lucky to have bagged myself a man that I should do everything in my power to make HIS life easier whilst having little or no desire to achieve personal happiness!

We're 50/50 in this household, although I still have battles with DH that he shouldn't need asking to do the washing etc, it should occur that the bin is full, he has a bit of free time, bung a load on.

If you're happy with your situation outraged then there's no problem. The problem is when a woman is exhausted, running around after everyone, while the man just works and does nothing else.

Hexagonal, this kind of thing pees me off a bit too. I work in Children's Centres and staff there are always coming up with new ideas for how to get men to come to the centre to access the fabulous services and facilities with their own children. Some of them practically have to be dragged in screaming I get a bit fed up with all the special pleading and 'it's harder for dads' - no it's not, it's exactly the same as it is for mums - parenting comes more naturally to some people than to others, but everyone has something to learn and everyone needs support at one time or another. That's all. The only things a mum can do that a dad cannot are give birth and breastfeed - there's no excuses for at least showing some willing with everything else.

Rant over

I think women have often been trained to be nice and to make lives easy and to take care of people and so habitually run around after others sorting things out.

DH is a WAHD and does do a fair share of household stuff. However, there are still times when he hasn't done something he said he would do where I have had to sit on my hands to stop myself stepping in and sorting it out.