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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have expected my son to have been fed?

373 replies

AngelWreakinHavoc · 23/04/2012 17:11

I wont blab on I will get straight to the point!

My ds (15) stayed at his friends house for the weekend, Friday night till Sunday night. All the time he was there he was not fed, no breakfast,lunch,tea, a snack NOTHING!

I made sure he ate friday before he went there but he asked for something to eat later on and was told he would have to buy his own food. At first in discussion with my OH we thought 'oh dear they must be skint and have no food in' then I thought well they either should have said he couldnt stay or shared food equally (I have done it many times fed loads of kids with very little food).

THEN......My ds told me, friday night they had a chinese and saturday night they had an indian, It beggers belief, My ds friends Dad drove them to the indian ordered food for the family then took my ds to the shop to get himself a microwave curry.Over the weekend all he had was 2 micro meals and a bought sandwich Luckily my ds had £10 with him which I presumed he would be spending on sweets probably a 4 pack (general stuff a 15yr old boy would buy).

I would not dream of having anyone stay at my house and not feed them or aibu?

OP posts:
Coconutty · 23/04/2012 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AngelWreakinHavoc · 23/04/2012 18:05

I would love to call his parents or go round there but I dont want to make things uncomfortable for my son or his friend. I have learnt now not to let him go there and I think I will have to deal with that really. Pointless putting my ds and his friend in a situation where they will fall out.

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 23/04/2012 18:05

Did the caravan not have a bathroom then?

This is so bizarre I can barely believe it. Where was your son's friend - in the caravan with him or sleeping inside and eating, washing etc?

You still haven't said whether he was invited or whether you asked if he could go there because you were going to be away.

Coconutty · 23/04/2012 18:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

suburbophobe · 23/04/2012 18:06

Unbelievable!

What an awful family....

I do think you should take it up with the mother before taking her son away for the weekend. If you don't you are giving them the message that it's o.k. in what was basically neglect of your son.

BackforGood · 23/04/2012 18:06

Don't get sidetracked by the throwaway comment about him being lucky he had pocket money on him - this is about a very, very odd set of behaviour from a family who agreed to let a 15 yr old sleep over for a weekend, then didn't let him in the house, or feed him Shock. that really is very, very bizarre indeed.

AprilLilacs · 23/04/2012 18:06

Their DS is going to have to learn that's not normal behaviour from somewhere!

Original poster
AngelWreakinHavoc · 23/04/2012 18:06

omg [hmm'] I DID NOT GIVE HIM MONEY FOR ALCOHOL!

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 23/04/2012 18:07

In this case OutragedAt, looks like the parents wouldn't have even noticed, let alone cared, whether they bought beer or anything else round to the caravan.

I'd have loved the caravan for a weekend at 15, but only if food and fags was involved.

Tee2072 · 23/04/2012 18:08

Yeah. I think y'all are missing the point. She didn't give him money for beer. Even if she did? They should have fed him and let him wash!

Saltire · 23/04/2012 18:09

This is the reason there's always 2 pizzas and a garlic bread in ym freezer - for when the hoardes Dses have a friend round. I would never dream of having a child to stay - or any guest, not just a child- and not feeeed them give them heat, shower etc. it is odd behaviour really

Original poster
AngelWreakinHavoc · 23/04/2012 18:09

Alibabaandthe40nappies His friend slept in the caravan with him but went in got his food and brought it back out to eat.

In all honesty my ds is chatting away now and is worried his friend is not getting fed properly

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 23/04/2012 18:09

Well you said in your OP 'I gave him £10 thinking he would spend it on sweets and a four-pack'.

Which pretty clearly indicates that you gave him money knowing that he would spend it on beer.

MrsShitty · 23/04/2012 18:10

Do you mean a 4 pack of beer? That's a bit off tbh...15's too young really. I KNOW it goes on....but he doesn't or shouldn't need beer.

But yanbu! What odd people...I would be temptd to ring them and say "What terrible people you are!"

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 23/04/2012 18:10

I think you're right to rise above, op - a tit for tat approach would be sinking to their level and I always believe you should follow your own standards regardless of other peoples'.
Your DS and his friend both need to see a generous and welcoming approach.

ajandjjmum · 23/04/2012 18:11

I agree with Nigel - I'd phone the parents to say 'just wanted to sort out catering for our weekend away. Will you be supplying your DS with money so that he can join our family for a take-away both nights, or would you prefer to supply him with some microwave meals?' I have to say, I know your DS is 15 and able to make up his own mind, but that it a friendship I would certainly be discouraging.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 23/04/2012 18:11

In that case the friend is as bad as the parents. :(

He could have shared his with your DS, but he didn't. He doesn't sound like a nice friend at all, and I definitely wouldn't be taking him on holiday.

gobbledegook1 · 23/04/2012 18:11

That is outrageous! Has left me a bit speechless!

gettingeasier · 23/04/2012 18:12

In the real world from time to time teenage boys of 15 will drink alcohol and yes I have provided 4 bottles of beer for him to take to someones house before now.

outraged when DS was 11 I wouldnt have thought about it either !!

OfCourseImAlwaysRight · 23/04/2012 18:13

coconut- we were allowed to have a couple of drinks-under our parents supervision-when we were growning up, I think they thought they would rather me do this than be on the streets drinking cider-like a lot of kids my age did at the time.
It taught me how to drink sensibly (sp) and made sure that once i turned 18 and went out for the first time i didnt get disgustingly drunk on a few drinks and unable to take care of myself-like a few people that had never tasted alcohol did.
I will prob be the same with my children, if i think they are sensible enough.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/04/2012 18:14

I would be ringing the parents to ask what the hell had gone on, and why your son had been treated so badly. And I'd be mentioning the free weekend their son is getting at Haven, thanks to your generosity.

If any of the dses (all big teenagers) had friends over, I'd expect to feed them (as long as I had been asked in advance, and had had a chance to plan for the meals and do the shopping).

M0naLisa · 23/04/2012 18:14

I would be contacting the parents. i feel so sad for your DS :(
How nasty is that? ordering a take away and not sharing!!! :(

probatequestion · 23/04/2012 18:14

that is bloody disgusting.

now i've heard it all!!

LesAnimaux · 23/04/2012 18:14

For heavens sake, you give your £15 year old money and if you are naive you think they spend it on the beano and some walkers crisps.

If you are a bit more clued up, you realise it will probably be spent on a coup of nuts and a four pack. They think you won't notice the evidence they have hidden under a scrunched up piece of paper in their bedroom wastepaper basket. Hmm

OP, about everything else I'm Shock. Your poor DS.

LesAnimaux · 23/04/2012 18:15

coup of nuts = copy of Nuts