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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have expected my son to have been fed?

373 replies

AngelWreakinHavoc · 23/04/2012 17:11

I wont blab on I will get straight to the point!

My ds (15) stayed at his friends house for the weekend, Friday night till Sunday night. All the time he was there he was not fed, no breakfast,lunch,tea, a snack NOTHING!

I made sure he ate friday before he went there but he asked for something to eat later on and was told he would have to buy his own food. At first in discussion with my OH we thought 'oh dear they must be skint and have no food in' then I thought well they either should have said he couldnt stay or shared food equally (I have done it many times fed loads of kids with very little food).

THEN......My ds told me, friday night they had a chinese and saturday night they had an indian, It beggers belief, My ds friends Dad drove them to the indian ordered food for the family then took my ds to the shop to get himself a microwave curry.Over the weekend all he had was 2 micro meals and a bought sandwich Luckily my ds had £10 with him which I presumed he would be spending on sweets probably a 4 pack (general stuff a 15yr old boy would buy).

I would not dream of having anyone stay at my house and not feed them or aibu?

OP posts:
OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 23/04/2012 18:19

I don't think I'd have a problem with my 15yo drinking beer, I had a strong taste for brandy and diet coke and was smoking 10 embassy no 1 a day at 14 but I wouldn't give him the money for it. It's illegal for him to buy it, and Im not going to encourage something that's illegal and could end up costing someone their liqueur license.

Coconutty · 23/04/2012 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tryharder · 23/04/2012 18:22

Am a bit Hmm at the posters on here who apparently never once had a drop of alcohol until their 18th birthdays.

But moving on to the real issue - I would do what a few others have suggested and ring up the parents and ask if there was a problem and if you had realised that they wouldn't provide any food at all, you would not have accepted the invitation. People like that need calling on their behaviour. I find it quite frightening that people are actually that tight.

And I wouldn't rethink the invitation to Haven - I think you need to be the bigger person here.

gettingeasier · 23/04/2012 18:23

Righty ho coconutty I bow to your superior knowledge and parenting skills

SauvignonBlanche · 23/04/2012 18:23

How utterly strange, what a horrible way to treat someone.

Coconutty · 23/04/2012 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SurroundedByPlasticCrap · 23/04/2012 18:27

Obviously the boys parents are mental or just plain evil. Knowing you were away as well and the poor boy couldn't even ask you for help. It sounds like some horrible torture and I can't understand why his friend didn't share what he had. Is the friend an only child? Do you think he is starved? How does he act at your house, is he shocked when you feed him?

The whole situation is so nasty I'd be keeping my son well away from them. How undignified to have to insist he needed to poo to use a toilet. Was he peeing outside, do they think he's some kind of animal?

Am also giggling though at the people who didn't get the 4 pack joke. At 15 I told my parents I needed £5 for guides and some chips on the way home, but it 2 pints of snakebite and 10 fags.

lovingthecoast · 23/04/2012 18:28

They sound like nutters!

Only on MN would this be turning around to have a go at the OP over the beer! Grin 15yr olds lads drink beer. I have 4 kids and I'll be bringing them up to have small amounts of alcohol 14+. It is the most sensible approach IMO and it is perfectly legal.
OP, I bet if your DS had been in their lounge with a 4 pack he'd have given one to his mate and one to each of his mate's parents and wouldn't have expected them to pay him.

landofsoapandglory · 23/04/2012 18:29

I would be bloody fuming if I were you OP. My 15 and 17 yo DSes eat all the bloody time so would have wilted if they had been your DS.

FWIW I don't give my DSes money for beer, I order it in with the rest of the shopping!Wink Before you all jump on your high horses, they don't get pissed on cheap cider in the park, they might have 3 or 4 bottles of beer in our house or their firends houses. There is always an adult present and they have never been drunk.

supernannyisace · 23/04/2012 18:31

I read this and posted earlier, but I can't stop reading all the replies.

It makes me sad to think that your poor DS had to put up with this for two whole days.

I have DS friends to stay on occasion, and have taken one of them away for a few days with us. Never would it occur to me to not feed them the same stuff and at the same times as the rest of the family. Said friends usually bring a bit of cash to spend, and that is for them to go to the shops an dbuy sweets with - not for me to take off 'em for bed and board.

I still can't understand the parents' motives?

Original poster
AngelWreakinHavoc · 23/04/2012 18:31

coconutty how old is Your ds?

Like I said earlier I have decided not to call the parents as I dont think it will do my ds and his friend any favours.

If he does not get fed properly (like my ds has said he has concerns) then the least I can do is make him feel welcome here and feed him like I do my own, If his parents are as bad as I think they are then he needs support with the situation and if I/My family can support him then I will feel better about the whole situation.

OP posts:
Limejelly · 23/04/2012 18:34

No where near as bad OP but when I was about 14 I went to stay at a friends house. She had one of those high beds with storage underneath. She slept in the bed and I was left on the floor with no blanket or pillows, nothing! I still remember it now sitting freezing cold wishing I could go home Sad I never told my Mum because I knew she would be cross.

Your poor DS.

roundtable · 23/04/2012 18:34

Jeepers, I thought the op was being tongue in cheek about the 4 paco.

Let it go, that's not really the issue is it?

Op, that us seriously weird and unpleasant. I would have to make a sarky comment about them making sure they provide enough money for food when you take their child away, unless they just neglect all children, including their own and not just your son.

But I'm in a bad mood.

FannyFifer · 23/04/2012 18:36

No way could i let that go without saying something to the parents, your poor DS.

The fact the friend also wouldn't share the takeaway with your son makes we wonder about the type of friend he is, not one I would be taking on holiday to be honest.

roundtable · 23/04/2012 18:36

Disclaimer, I would still feed their child!

Coconutty · 23/04/2012 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fedupnagging · 23/04/2012 18:46

Some people seem to have no idea how to treat guests. Either they were not 'shown' how by their own families or are just plain rude and selfish. I am very sorry your ds was treated like that.

I think you are right in still making this friend welcome as I can't imagine any of this is his doing and it will show him how guests/friends should be treated.

What 15yo wouldn't try to get away with a few beers if they can get their paws on them? Round here neat vodka seems to be the tipple du jour for 15yo!

mayaswell · 23/04/2012 18:47

There are some bloody weird people around. Actually what it tells me is never make assumptions, people can behave shockingly!

hippoCritt · 23/04/2012 18:49

Did hisfriendhave a takeaway? Did they eat together Ron caravan or did our DS need to share his meal, very sad for your son

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 23/04/2012 18:50

Oh my god they sound absolutely awful. The food thing is bad in itself but not even letting him in to use the bathroom? Your poor son, I bet he had a terrible weekend. I have a teenager who often brings friends home and if they're in our house at a meal or snack time then they are always offered food. I can't imagine anyone of normal brain capacity doing what those parents have done.

If I was you I would a) cancel taking their child away to haven and get your DS to choose a different friend to take and b) phone the parents and tell them how mean and uncaring they have been.

What awful, awful people.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 23/04/2012 18:51

And I meant to say, it reminds me slightly of the time DD1 was invited to a birthday party; swimming followed by fish and chips. I did give her some money to take along just in case and it was just as well as she had to pay for her swimming and her fish and chips. I wouldn't mind so much if the birthday child hadn't been round here constantly and been taken on fully paid days out etc with us.

snowmummy · 23/04/2012 19:10

They sound really weird and awful and their actions are despicable. However, I wouldn't leave my children with anyone unless I knew them well enough to be absolutely sure they'd be looked after properly.

Mrbojangles1 · 23/04/2012 19:13

This reminds me of when ds was 7 we went to a child's party from school
Ds is not allowed chocolate in its pure form,sweets or fizzy pop I gave the parent my number in case of any issues

When I picked ds up he was crying he had nothing to eat because she couldn't remember what he could have so they didn't let him have anything.

The party started at 4 I didn't arrive till 7

She bloody had my number but didn't call

ewaczarlie · 23/04/2012 19:26

Congratulations OP on the way you handled a hard and astonishing situation. You are setting a wonderful example for your son to show compassion and rise above a situation. And honestly, who cares about a 15 yr old having a 4 pack when out with friends. Either half of MN is full of naive women who where virgin angles until marriage or they have simply forgotten what being a teenager is like.

Again, good decision OP, I applaud you

ll31 · 23/04/2012 19:27

OP you sound so nice - agree with you I would still take friend if ds wanted me to. Your poor ds though - hope he managed to enjoy part of the weekend anyway..

Am hugely amused at the people who clearly never drank underage themselves.. ever... and whose children never will either.. ever...

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