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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have expected my son to have been fed?

373 replies

AngelWreakinHavoc · 23/04/2012 17:11

I wont blab on I will get straight to the point!

My ds (15) stayed at his friends house for the weekend, Friday night till Sunday night. All the time he was there he was not fed, no breakfast,lunch,tea, a snack NOTHING!

I made sure he ate friday before he went there but he asked for something to eat later on and was told he would have to buy his own food. At first in discussion with my OH we thought 'oh dear they must be skint and have no food in' then I thought well they either should have said he couldnt stay or shared food equally (I have done it many times fed loads of kids with very little food).

THEN......My ds told me, friday night they had a chinese and saturday night they had an indian, It beggers belief, My ds friends Dad drove them to the indian ordered food for the family then took my ds to the shop to get himself a microwave curry.Over the weekend all he had was 2 micro meals and a bought sandwich Luckily my ds had £10 with him which I presumed he would be spending on sweets probably a 4 pack (general stuff a 15yr old boy would buy).

I would not dream of having anyone stay at my house and not feed them or aibu?

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 23/04/2012 17:19

That is shocking!

BUT

I am amazed that you sent him with only £10 in cash. If he was staying for a whole weekend and you don't know the family well then I would have made sure he had enough money to fend for himself a bit in an emergency - ie. needing a cab home or whatever.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 23/04/2012 17:22

How weird? If they can afford two nights worth of takeaway for the family, they can afford to feed a 15 year old for the weekend - so absolutely no excuse there! What did his mate say??

Mrbojangles1 · 23/04/2012 17:23

Sorry I was actally laughing but I see your serious omg I would have a strong word with the parents also I would not be sending ds back unless they were planning to feed him free of change and breakfast,lunch and dinner

Original poster
AngelWreakinHavoc · 23/04/2012 17:24

Well his friend stayed with us the weekend before, I fed him watered him , even made them pizza at 11o clock at night as they were hungry, he had a shower in the morning before he left etc. They definatley knew he was going and I checked and double checked that it was ok till sunday as I knew I wouldnt be back till then. Another point is that my ds told me they were sleeping in the caravan on the drive which I didnt mind so he took his sleeping bag, What i didnt know till this morning is that he wasnt invited into the house once, He was allowed in when he was desperate for a poo!

The friend didnt seem to make anything of it by all accounts, This is the first time my son has been there.

OP posts:
gafhyb · 23/04/2012 17:24

Laurie

horrible people are like that .....

Shutupanddrive · 23/04/2012 17:24

Of course YANBU!! Poor ds, how awful for him. That is unbelievable Shock

Mrbojangles1 · 23/04/2012 17:25

Alibabaandthe40nappies you should not have to send your child with a budget for a food shop when staying at a mates house

At the very least it's just polite of feed any child who is left in your care at meal time

If you can't afford another mouth to feed you shouldn't have people over

sugarice · 23/04/2012 17:26

The first time and the last time he'll be going there I suspect.Some people are truly vile.Your poor boy.

Smellslikecatspee · 23/04/2012 17:27

Your poor DS.

Tbh I'd send them a bill for the food their child ate the previous week. . .
But then I can be a bit of a Dragon when it comes to people being stingy

porcamiseria · 23/04/2012 17:27

horrible people, never send him there again

wankers! angry for you

AgentZigzag · 23/04/2012 17:27

And takeaway food is so 'shareable' isn't it?

Most people see it as a real treat that tastes bloody lovely, what were the dynamics going on when they were all sat round eating this scrummy meal looking at your DS and smacking their lips, while he's sat there like the poor relation trying to chew his way through a tasteless micromeal? Confused

It's like eating a banquet in front of a starving person.

thebody · 23/04/2012 17:27

Totally bizarre, I always feel terribly guilty if a child or teen visiting here says they not hungry, we are the ' oh well just have a bacon sandwich anyway' types.

What did his friend think if this? My kids would b mortified if we acted like that.

Rude and mean beyond belief, I would feel like punching that dad but best just not let him go again, he probably doesn't want to anyway.

DontHaveAtv · 23/04/2012 17:28

How odd! They sound rude and tight!

boringnickname · 23/04/2012 17:28

"Luckily my ds had £10 with him which I presumed he would be spending on sweets probably a 4 pack (general stuff a 15yr old boy would buy)."

Sorry, i love this sentence - a four pack and sweets Grin

As you were

They sound like freaks by the way!

IAmBooyhoo · 23/04/2012 17:28

the same thing happened to my sister as a teen when she used to stay with her friend from school. teh first time it happened mum just put it down to the family being busy and all sorting themselves out individually but it kept happening so dsis stopped going. she was around 12/13 at the time and didn't take money with her for a sleepover at a friends house. she was also a shy child so would never have felt comfotable asking if she could go to teh shop. she always came home starving.

StealthPolarBear · 23/04/2012 17:28
Shock
IAmBooyhoo · 23/04/2012 17:29

what does 4pack mean? is this beer? Confused

AgentZigzag · 23/04/2012 17:29

Ahh x-posts, so he didn't go in the house to eat.

Did his friend eat in the caravan or couldn't he stand watching your DS eat his miserable meal and went into the house to have his?

WilsonFrickett · 23/04/2012 17:30

Words actually fail me. How in the name of jeff can people be so strange? When we were teenagers we lived in everyone else's houses and were always treated as part of the family - it's just what you do FFS.

I presume he's not going back. Poor DS.

Floggingmolly · 23/04/2012 17:30

Completely bizarre! Do you know the parents? Because it sounds like they're severely lacking in social skills (taking him to buy a ready-meal!)

Who the hell does that? It's not normal at all.
I really wouldn't allow him near these Neanderthals again.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 23/04/2012 17:31

No I am not suggesting that a food budget is necessary at all, just that £10 doesn't get you far these days. Especially if the OP was away all weekend, rather than at home and very contactable, I would have made sure that my child had more cash than that.

They didn't let him into the house? Really?

IAmBooyhoo · 23/04/2012 17:32

and on the flipside, i used to stay with a friend whose parents seemed to do a food shop everyday and nobody ate teh same thing for dinner. i remember Dfriend saying we were going to get dinner, arriving at the shop and her mum saying what do you fancy? thinking i was deciding for everyone i said i didn't care, just whatever she wanted to make and she said, "no pick whatever you want we'll all have what we want too."

Angelico · 23/04/2012 17:32

They sound like mentalists tbh - not surprised you are Shock

If they had financial diffs that might be different in which case they should have asked for a contribution. But if they can afford takeaways no worries on that score. And the caravan / banned from house thing is really odd.

Not trying to be awful OP but is there any reason why they might dislike your DS / not trust him in the house etc? Because otherwise they are either bonkers or it's all a bit Confused

CheerfulYank · 23/04/2012 17:32

I don't know what a 4 pack is either but...

of course YANBU! That is beyond shocking. DS is still too little to have overnight company, but when I was young I stayed at my friend's house for days during the summer, and they stayed at mine, and it was just "dig in" with the family. I hated staying at one friend's house because she thought she was fat and never ate Hmm so I'd be starving.

I wouldn't let him go back.

berri · 23/04/2012 17:33

This reminds me of when I was a teenager and about 6 of us were invited to a friend's house for his birthday. The Dad had already mentioned to the parents that he was getting fish & chips for dinner, but when he got back from the shop he asked us all to pay for what we'd ordered!

Why would you invite everyone round for dinner and then make them pay - just odd!

It was really embarrassing as everyone was scrambling around in their bags & pockets for change, we were only about 13.

My mum was furious and I never went there again....

YANBU!