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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have expected my son to have been fed?

373 replies

AngelWreakinHavoc · 23/04/2012 17:11

I wont blab on I will get straight to the point!

My ds (15) stayed at his friends house for the weekend, Friday night till Sunday night. All the time he was there he was not fed, no breakfast,lunch,tea, a snack NOTHING!

I made sure he ate friday before he went there but he asked for something to eat later on and was told he would have to buy his own food. At first in discussion with my OH we thought 'oh dear they must be skint and have no food in' then I thought well they either should have said he couldnt stay or shared food equally (I have done it many times fed loads of kids with very little food).

THEN......My ds told me, friday night they had a chinese and saturday night they had an indian, It beggers belief, My ds friends Dad drove them to the indian ordered food for the family then took my ds to the shop to get himself a microwave curry.Over the weekend all he had was 2 micro meals and a bought sandwich Luckily my ds had £10 with him which I presumed he would be spending on sweets probably a 4 pack (general stuff a 15yr old boy would buy).

I would not dream of having anyone stay at my house and not feed them or aibu?

OP posts:
TheOriginalNutcracker · 23/04/2012 17:46

How weird. So when they all had indian, did their ds, not ofer to share some with yours either ??

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 23/04/2012 17:46

Vile people!

You need to ask your ds if he wants this frind coming away for the weekend. It might not be too late for him to ask someone from a decent family that know some manners. If he does want to take someone else, you should do the sorting for him.

headfairy · 23/04/2012 17:46

What horrible people, agree with other poster who said don't take it out on their ds though. If he won't learn generosity from his parents, then he might learn it from you. :(

FWIW I would feed anyone who was staying with us, not just children. A friend I went to Uni with is coming to stay this weekend, shall I tell her to bring her own food? Hmm

usualsuspect · 23/04/2012 17:48

I feel sorry for your DSs mate , its not his fault he has a tightarse weird family .

Although did he not share his takeaway with your DS?

Original poster
AngelWreakinHavoc · 23/04/2012 17:49

I wont stop his friend coming away with us as I'm sure this is down to his parents not him. But I havnt asked the parent for a penny for the weekend away and I wouldnt!

I feel sorry for the friend if he doesnt know any different then how was he to know it was wrong?

Someone asked if my ds was disliked by the friends parents but I would have to say no. We live in a small village with not even a shop, he never leaves the house or gets into trouble, This is the first sleepover he has been too in maybe six months. (his friend lives in another village).

oh and a 4 pack is a 4 pack of beer :)

OP posts:
gettingeasier · 23/04/2012 17:49

Well firstly I hope the 4 pack refers to a beverage OP or my 15yo DS is telling me porkies Grin

I cant believe his friend allowed that to happen over an entire weekend , my DC would insist on sharing at the very least and they arent especially angelic

I do get fed up with DD rocking up with a couple of friends after school and asking if they can stay and eat because it happens so often. However if someone is invited thats entirely different

I would still have the friend on the holiday assuming your DS wants him and call it a day after that

boringnickname · 23/04/2012 17:52

gettingeasier - its the three pack you need to worry about!

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 23/04/2012 17:53

Why are you giving a 15yo money for beer?

Tee2072 · 23/04/2012 17:53

I am stunned. So not fed, not let to bathe or use the loo except when desperate...these people are loons!

I would be rethinking bringing friend on holiday without some payment, that's for sure!

AgentZigzag · 23/04/2012 17:54

If his friend is a similar age he must know different.

Being aware that people eat, that they like to eat nice food, and if someone doesn't have any you share, is just a basic general knowledge.

I think his friend is just as bad as his family.

Jinsei · 23/04/2012 17:55

Shock no words!

Some people are weird!!

gettingeasier · 23/04/2012 17:55

Oh god nickname I found one of those in his wallet last week !

DashingRedhead · 23/04/2012 17:55

They sound absolutely horrible OP. My mother just fed everyone who was in the house at meal times and if that meant we all had more pasta or potatoes or rice and a bit less of whatever she'd made, so be it. And I hope my DC will feel the same.

It sounds like you've been operating on the whole give-and-take basis and they for some reason have unilaterally opted out.

You could phone and without going into details ask whether their son in fact still wants to come on the holiday with you? Or would that be a bit passive-aggressive?

Personally, whatever the circs of the invitation, I'd give the parents a complete Dragon

AgentZigzag · 23/04/2012 17:55

Yeah, he should be out on a paper round earning his own beer money at 15 OutragedAt Grin

LoopyLoopsTootTootToots · 23/04/2012 17:56

This is what foster care was like for me. Not the son's fault. Horrible and embarrassing for him I imagine.

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 23/04/2012 17:56

That's appalling - but sadly as teens grow older there seems to be less of the 'everyone welcome' approach about.

It's as if, because they're the size of adults, they're perceived as actual adults by some people - and resented as an uneasant burden.

We've had some corkers with DS1 over the years (knowing he'd come home starving from certain friends' houses), but nothing to match that.

Some people are just pigs - but I think re. the holiday, you can judge yourself whether the lad is a good friend who you'd still want around in spite of his parents. He's stuck with them, after all - maybe he has to put a front on because he knows he's got a few more years of this to go.

OfCourseImAlwaysRight · 23/04/2012 17:56

thats terrible!! horrible people.
its a 4 pack of beer outraged hardly gonna get him bladdered.

Original poster
AngelWreakinHavoc · 23/04/2012 17:56

outraged I didnt give him money for beer, He had £5 and I gave him another £5 I just meant I didnt expect him to have to spend it on micro meals

OP posts:
Original poster
AngelWreakinHavoc · 23/04/2012 17:58

haha Agent I tell him that but he doesnt listen Grin

OP posts:
gettingeasier · 23/04/2012 17:58

Are you asking me or the OP outraged ?

For myself I have no intention of tapping out a lengthly explanation. I would ask if you have DC how old they are ?

IAmBooyhoo · 23/04/2012 17:58

where is a 15 year old buying beer? did you give him money for this?

IAmBooyhoo · 23/04/2012 17:59

xpost i see you didn't give him the money to buy beer.

OhdearNigel · 23/04/2012 17:59

i would be giving the other parents a bill for your Haven weekend

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 23/04/2012 18:02

My oldest is 11, I'm still at the stage where I can't see myself giving him beer money for a long time yet!

Even if I didn't mind my 15 yo son drinking four cans of beer in an evening,I wouldn't give him money with the expectation that the people he was staying with wouldn't mind.

OfCourseImAlwaysRight · 23/04/2012 18:04

why are people focusing more on the 4 PACK (not crate) of beer the OP'S son may have had rather than the fact he wasnt fed???
i remember being on holiday and at family parts and BBQ's when I was around 12/13 being allowed to have a couple of botles of beer! of course its each to their own but come on.....hes 15 fgs!

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