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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have expected my son to have been fed?

373 replies

AngelWreakinHavoc · 23/04/2012 17:11

I wont blab on I will get straight to the point!

My ds (15) stayed at his friends house for the weekend, Friday night till Sunday night. All the time he was there he was not fed, no breakfast,lunch,tea, a snack NOTHING!

I made sure he ate friday before he went there but he asked for something to eat later on and was told he would have to buy his own food. At first in discussion with my OH we thought 'oh dear they must be skint and have no food in' then I thought well they either should have said he couldnt stay or shared food equally (I have done it many times fed loads of kids with very little food).

THEN......My ds told me, friday night they had a chinese and saturday night they had an indian, It beggers belief, My ds friends Dad drove them to the indian ordered food for the family then took my ds to the shop to get himself a microwave curry.Over the weekend all he had was 2 micro meals and a bought sandwich Luckily my ds had £10 with him which I presumed he would be spending on sweets probably a 4 pack (general stuff a 15yr old boy would buy).

I would not dream of having anyone stay at my house and not feed them or aibu?

OP posts:
more · 24/04/2012 20:28

but surely to not say anything is sending them the message that you don't have a problem with it.

ImperialBlether · 24/04/2012 20:34

I don't see how she can speak to the parents. How could she phrase it? "You didn't feed my child?" I don't think I'd be prepared to say that and I don't know many who would. It's like asking why you haven't been given a present at Christmas.

I do think they behaved in an appalling way. I've just re-read the OP and she says "I made sure he ate friday before he went there but he asked for something to eat later on and was told he would have to buy his own food."

Bearing this in mind, I'd be very reluctant for the boy to come away with you.

OP, when you asked them if your son could stay, did they seem reluctant? Did they say he'd have to sleep in the caravan? (Nothing wrong with that, just wondered whether they said something along the lines of "He'll have to be independent."

Did his friend really eat his curry in front of your son? What about other meals?

What do you think would have happened if he'd had no money?

Hownoobrooncoo · 24/04/2012 20:37

Cherries. - like you would worry about ruining the beautiful friendship of people who have neglected your child for a whole weekend - if this is the case. The boy might be a bit embarrassed with his friend but they are old enough to hopefully shrug it off and put it all down to their weird parents.

hiviolet · 24/04/2012 20:40

Sorry, have only read the OP but what the FUCK? That is outrageous!

Some people are just subnormal in every way: manners, stinginess, basic human decency...

more · 24/04/2012 20:41

there are other options than going in with guns ablazing. She could go to them and say look, sorry but my son says he wasn't given any food and was denied access to the toilet when he stayed with you. Is this true? Then listen to what they have to say. It does not have to be done in an accusing manner, as this will just get them on the defensive straight away.
I would want to know if this is the rumours going around about me and my family!! However it seems like you have already made up your mind about them.

ImperialBlether · 24/04/2012 20:48

Actually she says he was only allowed in when he was desperate for the loo, so he did go in.

ImperialBlether · 24/04/2012 20:48

Has he been there before?

ImperialBlether · 24/04/2012 20:49

What happened in your situation, more?

FashionEaster · 24/04/2012 20:51
Shock
tantrumsandballoons · 24/04/2012 20:51

WTAF???

Ok if it was my DS I would have to bring it up, you don't have to scream and shout but I think it really needs to be addressed.

Cherriesarelovely · 24/04/2012 20:52

No, I do agree more and Hownowobrooncoo, in theory I think you ought to talk to them about it but in practise what is it actually going to achieve? Aggro for the OP and for her son. He probably wont want to go round for the weekend again anyway and if he does and OP has spoken to them it will be horribly awkward!

However, I find confronting issues like this unbearably difficult and am clearly not good at doing so! My DP is much better at just "saying" things without getting het up.

MissCeliaFoote · 24/04/2012 20:54

This is one of the weirdest AIBUs I've ever read. What weird, horrible people!

FashionEaster · 24/04/2012 20:55

I'd be on the phone to the parents in the pretense of establishing ds hadn't somehow got the wrong end of the stick and then making plain my feelings. I appreciate, however that ds might not feel the same in the name of friendship but I'd feel angry and upset that a child of mine had been treated that way.

PooPooInMyToes · 24/04/2012 21:09

Cherries. What were the issues you raised?

pigletmania · 24/04/2012 21:15

Omg your ds was in a cara van with no toilet,away from the family. What if he needed to go in the middle I the night and everyone asleep and t was a number 2. I would definitely raise this with the parents as they have neglected your child, and treated him appealingly. This is not the same as not getting a birthday present

pigletmania · 24/04/2012 21:17

I don't care if I fall out with people who have neglected my ds and treated him like a sub human being. They are not odd, but nasty

more · 24/04/2012 21:23

too long a story!! One of the parents decided that my daughter (9) should be named and shamed as a physical bully on Facebook, and to every parent in the school grounds. She refused to speak to us to or to the school.

She had no witnesses, none of the teachers or school ground assistents, or the other kids saw anything, her daughter had no bruises to prove their point, but her daughter does not lie so it must all be true, and she felt it important that the whole world know!!

By the way not one of all of the other parents have ever asked me or my daughter for our side of the story, they just take it all as true. After all her 9 year old daughter would not lie, but mine would!!!

pigletmania · 24/04/2012 21:28

The friend does not sound very nice either, not sharing his food with your ds, not asking his parents why as op ds not got any food. Tbh I would contact the parents and discuss this with them and I. Light of the situation ds friend no longer can go on holiday, it just would no be appropriate. Your ds will relisr soon that this friend is not a good one

AgentZigzag · 24/04/2012 21:30

Sad your poor DD more.

How's she doing now?

youarekidding · 24/04/2012 21:38

more Shock Angry Your poor DD and you. Sadly I know of a parent who's children will tell of something they did and when challenged and told it's wrong will deny it. She then says she believes them and denies that they admitted it in the first place. I fear for these children the day they are made to face the consequences of their actions.
The parent of the DD is going to have a major shock the day her DD does something extreme she can't lie her way out of - bet she doesn't post about that on FB.

Cherriesarelovely · 24/04/2012 21:41

That is awful more I see what you are saying. Your poor DD and you too.

poopoo I tried to speak to my now ex friends about their DC's behaviour when they were at our house for example tantrums, breaking things, demanding stuff, fighting and so on. The final straw was when their DD completely ruined my DD's bday party with her rudeness and tantrums and even though one of her parents was there for part of the party and witnessed the behaviour and did nothing, said nothing. I was very upset about it and after posting here a unanimous MN jury said I was justified in bringing it up. I did so as honestly and sensitively as I could but they were totally denied that ANY of this behaviour had happened and said that I was no friend of theirs, had shown my true colours etc etc. This was 7 months ago and they are still ignoring us all. Anyway, sorry to highjack the thread!

more · 24/04/2012 21:47

but at least you know you did the right thing Cherrriesarelovely, and I think that feels better than just "allowing" it to continue.

AgentZigzag · 24/04/2012 21:48

One of the regular things said to an OP asking about something their DC has said, is to ask them whether they think they've got all the story, not because the DC is lying or doing it to be horrible, but just because they usually miss out half of what actually went on.

It's telling that this hasn't really happened on this thread, and I think the age of the lad is the reason why.

At 15 you have the ability to recount something that's gone on, and it's not like he was talking about having beer or smoking, things which might have a reason for not telling the whole story, but why would he make up something like not being fed?

Cherriesarelovely · 24/04/2012 21:54

more I know that is true, thanks for saying it but it has been very hard. One of the parents, not the one at the party, was a really dear friend and I almost can't believe that she wont even meet to talk about it with me. However, dreadful as it has been I couldn't have put up with the horrible behaviour a moment longer. I am a very laid back, relaxed mum but everyone has their limits don't they?

flibbertywidget · 24/04/2012 21:56

I am horrified for you.