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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have expected my son to have been fed?

373 replies

AngelWreakinHavoc · 23/04/2012 17:11

I wont blab on I will get straight to the point!

My ds (15) stayed at his friends house for the weekend, Friday night till Sunday night. All the time he was there he was not fed, no breakfast,lunch,tea, a snack NOTHING!

I made sure he ate friday before he went there but he asked for something to eat later on and was told he would have to buy his own food. At first in discussion with my OH we thought 'oh dear they must be skint and have no food in' then I thought well they either should have said he couldnt stay or shared food equally (I have done it many times fed loads of kids with very little food).

THEN......My ds told me, friday night they had a chinese and saturday night they had an indian, It beggers belief, My ds friends Dad drove them to the indian ordered food for the family then took my ds to the shop to get himself a microwave curry.Over the weekend all he had was 2 micro meals and a bought sandwich Luckily my ds had £10 with him which I presumed he would be spending on sweets probably a 4 pack (general stuff a 15yr old boy would buy).

I would not dream of having anyone stay at my house and not feed them or aibu?

OP posts:
chenin · 24/04/2012 13:30

Hmmm... bizarre, yes. But putting myself in the parents shoes and trying to imagine why on earth they behaved like this, I would imagine they are punishing their son for something. Perhaps the son asked if his friend (OP's son) could stay and Mum + Dad said 'No, it is difficult this weekend' and friend went ahead and still had OP's son to stay despite his parents saying No. Of course this isn't right, but knowing how headstrong teens can be, I would imagine it is something like that.

The parents probably thought... right son, we are going to carry through what we said. We asked you not to invite your friend this weekend, but you have ignored us so you can sleep in the caravan and sort him out because we are not. And the son probably thought, oh well, he is here and he isn't starving as such and my parents are such a pain when they put their foot down, but what the heck we have had a laugh out in that caravan...

Of course, it doeesn't make it right.

But I do know my DD1 has asked friends to stay when it has specifically been difficult and I have said 'I would prefer not' and although of course I step up to the plate and cook for them just as I do for my own, I can just imagine the parents thinking 'sod it, this is the 5th time you have done this, we are gonna teach you a lesson. I hope we have embarrassed you in front of your friend'.

chenin · 24/04/2012 13:37

Oh and... I know the Dad spoke to OP about the arrangements. It was probably too late and his son had already asked OP's son and that's why nothing was said on the phone and they probably thought they would show their son up. But I imagine it had no effect whatsoever with son but only with OP's son.

I have a very vivid imagination.

lollilou · 24/04/2012 13:59

When I was 13 a friend invited me to go to a youth club and stay over night at her house. When I came into school (it was on a Friday) with my bag she said she'd changed her mind and I couldn't come, my parents were away so I had nowhere to go. I was in tears so my friend went to our teacher who said she should honour her agreement. It was horrible she didn't want me there and her Mum gave me no food or drink at all (I had to stay till after lunch the next day) she even cooked a big roast dinner on the Saturday and I was offered nothing! I never told my Mum though as I felt ashamed.

takeonboard · 24/04/2012 14:01

lollilou so Sad that you felt ashamed

wineandroses · 24/04/2012 14:06

Oh lollilou how awful, what a horrible 'friend' who clearly had a horrible family too. So sad.

wineandroses · 24/04/2012 14:09

Op, what weirdos! I couldn't stop myself from giving them an ear-bashing though. Also, DS's friend - you said he sat in the caravan eating the takeaway in front of your DS, did he also do that for every other meal? Did he fetch his bowl of cornflakes at breakfast time and eat them in front of DS? At 15, you know what's right and what's not; he doesn't sound like much of a friend.

Hownoobrooncoo · 24/04/2012 14:12

Lollilou - that's bizarre and awful.

OP - I'd be tempted to phone the parents and ask if everything is alright and was there a problem just in case there is some kind of weird misunderstanding and all was not as it seemed (teenagers don't always give you the whole story). Again very bizarre and practically sinister.

D0oinMeCleanin · 24/04/2012 14:15

Blimey. I thought DH was greedy but this is just taking the piss.

At the very worst, if we'd planned on having a family take out and end up with an unexpected extra child, we either order the dc something cheaper than we might have originally planned or we cook them something cheap and easy and we have our take out when they've gone to bed.

That's all the dc. Any guests get the same as ours do. Invited or not.

Your poor ds. What was going through this family's heads? Confused

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 24/04/2012 14:24

The OP's ds was worried that his friend didn't have enough to eat; I wonder how much of the "family" take away he actually got tbh. In my mind's eye I didn't see him troughing rogan josh in front of him. I suppose he might have done, though.

it's all just weird. Confused

youarekidding · 24/04/2012 14:24

The weather here has been awful. My friends DC's love coming here as there's a park outside my house. Today is sunny atm! I am expecting them to want to come round later after school. I have put mince in the slow cooker to feed unexpected expected guests! I will freeze what isn't eaten. If I didn't have the food in the house then I'd say not tonight how about Xday. I do not invite guests I cannot and have no intention of feeding!

Bizarre Confused

booge · 24/04/2012 14:29

The older I get the more I realise there really is nought so queer as folk. Odd odd behaviour.

Maro11 · 24/04/2012 14:34

Sorry OP about your son, some people have no shame, I would be ashamed if anybody was treated badly/ignored whilst visiting my home.
It does happen though, my 4 year old DD went on a play date to her friends house (first time) a couple of weeks ago, it was only for two hours but when she cam home she asked for a drink immediately on returning and said she hadn't been offered anything to eat or drink.
I have only had a couple of her friends over so far but I always feed and water them

PooPooInMyToes · 24/04/2012 14:36
Shock
Thumbwitch · 24/04/2012 14:42

lollilou, that is terrible what your "friend" and her mannerless family did to you. :(
How awful that they made you somehow feel ashamed of it as well - vile people!

I am not one of those people who insist on feeding and watering everyone who comes through my door (NOT suggesting that anyone else on here is either, by the way!) - but I get very uncomfortable if someone is around at a meal time and won't eat anything so I have to eat in front of them. I just could never do that deliberately to anyone!

A friend and her 3 DC came round once, her DS wouldn't eat a thing apart from one bite of a sandwich - I felt so bad! (mind you, so did the friend, she felt guilty that he wouldn't eat it).

Frontpaw · 24/04/2012 14:52

The shame! Someone leaving your home hungry! My mum would force feed people till bursting when they came around. And give them a doggy bag! I'm the same. I always have a stack of at least sandwichy stuff and biscuits just in case.

thatisall · 24/04/2012 14:55

This is outrageous!!! Did you make the arrangements with the child's parents?? If you did its even worse!!! If they expected him to pay for his own food they should have told you...then you could have sent him with enough for the take-aways. Your poor ds.

fuzzpig · 24/04/2012 15:30

I don't think the messy house idea is correct in this case. I think if the third boy had wanted a tea they could've just brought it out to the caravan - or got their own DS to come in and make it. But they refused outright.

Frontpaw · 24/04/2012 15:44

They are just weirdos who obviously didn't want guests and didnt have the class/manners to treat a guest properly.

more · 24/04/2012 16:08

How do you all know that this is what really happened!? You are judging people without them even having been asked their side of the story?! How well behaved does that make you?
If he was really that badly treated, he would surely have said something on the phone. It is easy enough to tell his mate that it's his mum, and she wants to tell me something private, I'll take the call outside. Or something similar!! A mobile phone is just that, mobile!!

Hammy02 · 24/04/2012 16:23

OP. YANBU. Utterly disgusting behaviour by your DS's 'hosts'. When I was about 12 I went to a birthday party and we were all told by the mum to just have 6 items from the buffet each. I thought that was weird enough!

Pandemoniaa · 24/04/2012 16:36

It's all very well to assume he could have said something more, but how realistic is this? Anyone reading the recent thread about hospitality will be know that even in the face of the most dire excuses for it, human nature tends towards the optimistic - or at least denial! In other words, you find yourself tolerating bizarre behaviour (as opposed to walking out) on the grounds that things will either get better or at least you only have to put up with it for a day or so. A 15 year old will almost certainly endure things, especially if he knows his mother is away, because you are far more embarrassed at that age than an an adult would be. And as I've said, even rational adults will often endure weird hospitality.

They sound like deeply unpleasant people, OP and you are amazingly good-hearted to take their son camping next week despite his parent's treatment of your ds

sheeplikessleep · 24/04/2012 16:42

YANBU.
I'm shocked.

more · 24/04/2012 17:01

Even so Pandemoniaa, how would you feel if you had done something that your child's friend found really weird, and then for that child's mother to go on the internet telling the forum (and probably every neighbour and common friends that you have) how utterly weird you are without even having the decency to talk to you about it first to find out how much truth is in this!?

Hownoobrooncoo · 24/04/2012 17:16

I agree with More. You should speak to the parents about this to make sure this is what really happened before totally judging them. If they confirm it, at least you'll know what kind of folk you are dealing with. TBH, if their behaviour is true then it goes beyond weird and is unforgivable.

PooPooInMyToes · 24/04/2012 17:22

But more, that's what always happens on here. Its one side of the story. That's the nature of it. What did you expect!?