...to think all the good men against sexual violence should make a big noise!

[Berts]

I know this probably isn't entirely fair, and loads of people will now come on and cheer my heart with all their examples of men campaigning against rape and sexual violence, but it really does seem like an issue dominated by women and female-led organisations.

AIBU to ask all those good men (and I know you're out there) who are horrified by sexual violence and the awful treatment of victims in our society to join in the debates, the arguments, the discussions? It's not a 'women's issue'!

Us girls may 'hold up half the sky', but we can't do without you, the other half. Sexual violence distorts the whole of society and fucks up the natural dynamic between men and women. So condemn it wherever you see it reported! Get on Twitter and slag off Connor Brown! Campaign for better sentencing and the busting of rape myths! Stand up with us!

Here is something I feel strongly about.

Corruption in Developing and Less Developed nations that has caused the deaths of millions of children because basic resources have been stolen that could feed, educate, vaccinate and give them clean water.

Not many of you will have taken an active stance against corruption in those countries. I know you don't condone it even though many of you will have used products exported from those countries and perhaps even had a holiday there.

If only I and other women could be "well reasoned and thought provoking"

:o

basil I believe male rape is not as prevalent as female rape but I also believe if more male victims spoke of it we'd see the same sorry parade of apologists.

Just as many women do with female victims, many men would search for reasons to blame a male victim's actions to reassure themselves that rape could never happen to them.

One of those excuses would be if the victim was a gay man cruising for sex or just not acting manly enough and looked gay so had it coming - shame, but what can you do?

And then there those men who despise all those they deem less worthy of respect than themselves. That's probably the only time they aren't being sexist.

It's fear and hatred. Anyway, it's a side issue.

Elephants - don't try and twist my words. That is not what I mean. He offered a good argument and happened to be male.

Or do you think such a thing is not possible?

do you think that applies only to male rape?????

Absolutely not, just making the point that there is often a process of victim blaming when males are the victims of sexual assault as well.

elephants and basil I'd say it was our time of the month but as I'm rapidly becoming dried up and pointless I don't think it's my place to speak for you or anyone else.

ps basil I didn't mean to be dismissive when I said it was a side issue. As you can see I find it interesting but am just wary of diverting the issue.

Not that wary that I didn't want to add my twopenn'orth, obviously.

Hello - After a few hours, there were no posts on this, so I thought it had died - sorry if it looked like I posted and ran.

So, to those who say 'we shouldn't slag anyone off on Twitter', fair point. Would you object to me calling upon people to go on Twitter and post '@Connorbrown02 - I do not agree with your views and I think they are offensive' ? Or '@Connorbrown02 - you do not have my support'.

And I did not intend any implication that not making a noise means that you condone rape - of course I don't think that. I just think it's a sad reality that women are not taken as seriously as men in society (still), so we do need the visible and vocal support of men, speaking out and campaigning for tougher sentences and better treatment if we're ever going to see real change.

It HAS to be seen as an issue for the whole of society, not a women's issue, if (a) there's ever going to be real progress and (b) male rape victims and particularly male victims abused by females will be taken seriously too.

So, to those who say 'we shouldn't slag anyone off on Twitter', fair point. Would you object to me calling upon people to go on Twitter and post '@Connorbrown02 - I do not agree with your views and I think they are offensive' ? Or '@Connorbrown02 - you do not have my support'

I think that's a fantastic idea and much less likely to get anyone into trouble OP.

I'm hoping this idiot will have damaged his career beyond repair with his vile comments...though I won't hold my breath on that.

Totally agree, OP.

Urm, what in my original post said that I think that those men who don't speak out, condone or tacitly approve of sexual violence. I didn't say it and I certainly didn't mean it.

All I'm saying is help us. It would be great if you did. I know there's loads of lovely men out there who in no way condone or support sexual violence. We could use your overt support. that was it.

And boy, do I regret even mentioning Twitter - it really wasn't the point!

you know what if somebody sits there condoning rape and somebody else sits there not contradicting them, given that the main stream view of rape is that it's a woman's fault, I'm going to assume that silence denotes agreement.

And I don't think I am being unreasonable.

MoreBeta - I think you have a really good point, but I also think it's a separate thread.

Whoever said all women aren't speaking out - no, they're not, but when someone does speak out it's usually a woman or a female-led organisation, and the sad fact is we will never be taken seriously until we get more male support.

I also believe that if we can successfully challenge the stigma surrounding rape victims (that they're 'tramps' or 'ask for it') that this will help male victims too.

So sorry if the initial post was a bit ranty - I should have ordered my thoughts more carefully before posting!

PS, Pan you are definitely much more sexually attractive to me now . Thanks for giving a clear male perspective on why we need you in this debate - exactly what I was asking for in the OP.

PS, does anyone know how to edit my OP? Is it possible?

oh of course he won't have damaged his career. look at all the rapists who have got off ( because over 90% of them do get off) and carried on to great careers.

Being a rapist has never been a bar to social or career success.

Well lets wait and see - he's been suspended by Sheffield United so, if they decide to reinstate him, it might be time for all of us to email/write to SU and politely point out that they are wrong and are damaging society with their actions. And ask the nearest man to do the same.

I think it was rape crisis who wwere interviewed about this

it would be nice if people like amnesty international, the football association, etc., also had something to say on this subject.

White Ribbon UK

"given that the mainstream view of rape is it's the woman's fault"

Really? I wouldn't have said so.

I think you only have to look at the figures. If the mainstream view of rape , were that it is a serious crime, then mostly it would be reported and the conviction rate for reported rape, would be quite a bit higher than 6 percent

It's not the general public reporting rape though. It's the individual involved. If the entire public became aware whenever someone was raped, and the conviction rate was still low, you'd have a point.

Oh, and:

www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/mar/19/myths-about-rape-conviction-rates

The individual is a member of the general public

My issue with the op (and other posts) suggests if a man is not seen actively fighting for this cause, they are condoning rape. Imo that's. A disgusting thing to say. Even the op stats she is probably being unfair.

The mainstream view of rape is that unless it's a stranger violently attacking a respectable woman who clearly wasn't inviting intimacy then it's regrettable but really a bit too complicated to go into and certainly nothing to risk ruining a man's life over.

Unfortunately that's not mainstream rape

Unless you think those individuals are somehow different to the rest of the population?