...to think all the good men against sexual violence should make a big noise!

[Berts]

I know this probably isn't entirely fair, and loads of people will now come on and cheer my heart with all their examples of men campaigning against rape and sexual violence, but it really does seem like an issue dominated by women and female-led organisations.

AIBU to ask all those good men (and I know you're out there) who are horrified by sexual violence and the awful treatment of victims in our society to join in the debates, the arguments, the discussions? It's not a 'women's issue'!

Us girls may 'hold up half the sky', but we can't do without you, the other half. Sexual violence distorts the whole of society and fucks up the natural dynamic between men and women. So condemn it wherever you see it reported! Get on Twitter and slag off Connor Brown! Campaign for better sentencing and the busting of rape myths! Stand up with us!

worra you can give any explanation you like for ducking a straight question and trying to derail a serious debate.

Did you do that at school? Most of us eventually grow up.

You don't have to answer that btw but if you continue being juvenile I might point it out now and then for my amusement.

I mean, I am straight but I sure as hell speak out when I hear homophobic language etc

exactly

So what are the 'lots of things' that you suggest DPrince? And do you plan to do any of them yourself?

I am a bloke, I disagree and am apalled with a lot of things that go on in the world. I never feel the need to write letters or go on Twitter. I occassionally post my views on blogs and forums about them.

Its insulting to suggest that men who do not activley and vocally protest are in some way condoning rape.

if you are on a network, and you witness bullying such as that by Ched Evans supporters and you don't speak out against it then you are a bystander, you are complicit

YANBU

Something like the White Ribbon campaign?

www.whiteribbon.org.au/myoath

The 'remain silent about' part of the oath seems pretty relevant.

Bloody link rubbish

www.whiteribbon.org.au/myoath

It's not necessary to actively protest morebeta.

Unless you think 'actively protesting' is simply saying to someone who's expressed unpleasant attitudes against women that his views are not acceptable to you and you would rather not hear them again.

I speak out, individually, when I see or hear things taht are wrong. I do it often. I argue with them, when they defend themselves.

I also lead my life by example, so my children see how people SHOULD be.

www.weareman.co.uk/

It's curious how apparently men's only responsibility is to behave well themselves

The majority of women aren't involved in actively lobbying MPs,campaigning etc but neither of us would conclude that they are approving of sexual violence, I can't help but feel you seem to be using a dual standard when it comes to men.

I would say in terms of absolute responsibility than yes, that is the limit of what can be expected of anyone in society. I would also agree that all have a responsibility to confront others on making it clear you don't approve of and will not tolerate sexist language.

uk site
www.weareman.co.uk/

maybe this is more motivating?;

?It is estimated that violence against women costs society £40 billion each year (New Philanthropy Capital).

?The direct cost to the economy of domestic violence alone in England & Wales in one year is £6billion.

?In addition, the human & emotional cost is estimated at £17billion (Walby, The Cost of Domestic Violence, 2004).

?The cost of sexual offences in a year is estimated to be £8.46 billion pounds, with each rape costing an estimated £76,000 pounds.

I agree with OP - men have got to stand up and be counted. Evil only exists because the good do nothing. The White Ribbon Campaign is a group of men standing up and being vocal about violence against women. My husband always speaks up and gets involved in discussions etc. I agree with Mightynice - IMHO it is socially responsible not to just stand by and allow these things that have been happening over the last few days.

If I stood by and watched a group of people racially abusing someone then in my opinion I am as guilty as those who are doing the abusing. In any case, the victim would assume I agreed with the abusers.

a lot of women are busy actively living with the reality of sexual violence compos, of course there is a 'dual standard' or has the severity and extent of male violence to women passed you by somehow?

By the way Compos. No standing up to bullies is not just a man's job but the point is more men should speak out about it publically. We dont live in a bubble on our own we have responsibilities to society, both men and women. Violence against women has become a national problem and should be an issue for everyone. I realise that not everyone can be an activist though but there must be more men out there who have the courage to do it, though I do understand it is hard at times.

Women and men 'doing stuff about this isn't the same, or nowhere near equal in impact. The reposnsibility falls much more squarely on males. Why?

• because other men will take note of another male much more than a female - she is likely to be tagged a moaning/frustrated cow

• because we are less likely to be attacked, physically and in other ways, by the 'audience'.

• because it is our gender who is doing the abusing. Laregely.

• because people take note of role models throughout their lives, so messages from 'good men acting well' is a source of inspiration.

• because just about all men have women who are close to them, and part of loving these women is taking positive action in support of them, which includes standing up.

• because men have better access the the levers of power to change things.

and a few more I can't think of at the mo. Support OP.

there are significantly more women actively campaigning than there are men

well said pan

Thanks from me too pan

Also men standing up to male abuse appears to make them more sexually attractive to women. Apparently. So there may be a self-interest investment here.(This has never worked for me, but I get over it.)

I have done lots of things, thank you. Having been an abuse victim myself. My dh met me when I had just come out of that relationship. Dh support of me pressing charges against the abuser and the unwavering support since has been amazing. i have spoken to teenage boys and girls at schools, raised money etc. None have included shouting abuse at an offender, which to me is a step away from it being ok to jump an offender in the street.
My stance is this, dh is in the middle if organizing 2 charity events. 1 for a hospice that nursed my aunt and one for armed forces day. Armed forces day is important to me as my step brother was killed in afganistan. He has attended therapy with me when needed and anything else i have needed. The fact he is supporting other charities does not mean he condones rape or dc. He hates it. He has ended up in hospital as he tried pulling a man off his girlfriend in the street, the police had been called but he couldn't/wouldn't stand back. None if this involves slagging someone off on a social network site. What he has done is more than that.

Ditto Pan - well said.

All I asked dprince is what things you could suggest that men and women could do to tackle the problem of abuse of women.

As you just said, you and the men in your life have done many things. No one would ask any more. I certainly wouldn't have the cheek.

I never said shouting abuse in person or online is the best way to protest against this issue and I'm not sure anyone else has.

Unfortunately some people on this thread have stubbornly insisted on confining it to that and interpreting 'noise' literally despite many explanations.

I can only conclude that they don't want to join the debate but derail it.