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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to really hate the term "birth rape"

396 replies

laumiere · 21/04/2012 12:15

It's from this story where a woman is allegedly put under a GA under her will and given an emergency C section. All very unpleasant (although it does throw up the question as to how much we really expect to control a process which at a basic level is still capable of killing us and our babies) but commentators are starting to term it 'birth rape'. As a rape survivor and someone who has supported rape victims as part of my job I am so sick of this term being overused and devalued! (This goes double for the moronic "draping" on FaceBook).

OP posts:
eurochick · 21/04/2012 13:03

Perhaps she made the comment about medical intervention no.1, LeQueen, because she had heard of the cascade of intervention and was concerned that it was the start of it (as it in fact turned out to be)?

bemybebe · 21/04/2012 13:03

I changed doctors le queen for a very valid reason methinks. Would you like to pass a judgement on me also?

EdlessAllenPoe · 21/04/2012 13:04

i have read the story and am absolutely horrified. she is told she is being moved to Or 'just in case' and then they con her into being gassed to sleep.

no attempt at gaining consent for the c/s is made. not with her DH, nor with her.

'silly cow' FFS!

she has been a victim of gross malpractice.

i can't believe anyone would think otherwise.

Why did she remark 'This medical intervention number one' to a perfectly routine question from the MW?

she didn't leq, that was her remark after accepting a scalp clip. read the story properly.

Fiendishlie · 21/04/2012 13:04

This woman does not use the term birth rape.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 21/04/2012 13:05

Did you change doctors several times though bemybebe? Once is fine, twice is unlucky, but several?

AThingInYourLife · 21/04/2012 13:05

You think women are not people?

Um... I guess that's pretty clear from your other posts actually.

Not that I give a fuck about my credibility with someone who thinks a woman who switches doctors during pregnancy gives up her right to be treated as a human being.

EdlessAllenPoe · 21/04/2012 13:06

'self-obsessed loon'?

no-where is she offered a c/s. It isn't discussed. She doesn't refuse.
She has the right to refuse, but it doesn't get to that point. They just knock her out and operate, having separated off her husband.

why the hell are people missing this?

5madthings · 21/04/2012 13:06

i dont like the term birth rape and despise the term 'frape' on fb, but what happened to that woman was an assault, they didnt even TELL her they were going to anaesthatise (sp) her they lied and told her it was an oxygen mask!! i mean that is WRONG they didnt say it was an emergency, they didnt explain anything at all to her or her husband. surely all they had to say was this is an emergency we have to get the baby out now, but they didnt even do that!

i havent read all the comments under the article, were there ever any updates as to outcome, she says she was going to get her notes, also the after care sounds awful as well tbh.

i would hope and assume in the UK that things like dont happen but the US is a whole different ball park when it comes to childbirth it seems.

incidentally i was offered a c section for no 1, which i refused, they just thought it may be a good option as i had spd, then for no 5 the consultant was recomending one on the basis that they thought baby was 9lb and i am only small, IF he had read my notes he would have seen i had already delivered 4 babies all 9lb+ one of which was 10lb 13oz, when i pointed that out to him he said i 'had got lucky' and didnt think i would be that lucky again..... Hmm as it was baby no 5 was only 8lb anyway, i had told them she wasnt that big, i could feel the difference in the weight of the bayb having carried 4 big babies previously but the scan said she was 9lb+ so she was as far as they were concerned!

both times there was definite pressure for me to consent to a c section, if there were emergency circumstances HELL YES i would be having a c section but otherwise no, had i had the c section for no 1 it could have made a big difference i doubt i would have then gone on to naturally birth 4 big babies with all the monitering etc, infact i may not have had 5 children as its not really recomended to have that many c sections.

i would assume in an emergency they tell the patient and get verbal consent unless the mum is already unconsious in which case they would ask her partner?

it is difficult you have to balance the needs of the patient the mum with the unborn baby but in most cases mum wants and will agree to whatever it takes to get a live/healthy baby, in cases where she doesnt i guess she does have that choice, but its not one i would like to live with the consequences of :(

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 21/04/2012 13:07

Where did I say I don't think women are people? That would be a wierd thing to say, especially considering I am a woman, and oddly enough, I'm also a person.

The difference is that I'm a person that cared more about having a safe healthy baby than I did about anything else when I was in labour.

EdlessAllenPoe · 21/04/2012 13:08

Maybe if she hadn't refused 'medical intervention #1' the first time it was offered, there would have been no need for a C.Section at all

she didn't - Worra - read the story. she accepted the scalp clip.

WorraLiberty · 21/04/2012 13:08

I'd dearly love to slap the stupid out of this woman...it's all me me me

"I love my son, but I did not give birth to him. I was not present at his birth. That moment in my life has been taken from me. I had a birth plan. It included my desire to bathe my son myself for his first bath. A nurse bathed him while I was knocked out. My birth plan included my desire to hold my son immediately upon birth. God knows how many medical professionalls held my son before I did"

Most loving parents would put the baby's welfare first in a heartbeat.

She sounds totally narcissistic to me Hmm

DeliaOliver · 21/04/2012 13:08

Her birth story is truly horrendous. She was gassed thinking it was oxygen. I'm shocked to find such responses from a mainly female forum.

Can you not see the fact that we are even discussing what is, or is not, 'proper rape' shows that we have been conditioned to question and deny a womans right to bodily integrity and her right to speak as she finds on it. Stop belittling this as 'less traumatic' than rape, that's the kind of rubbish that has allowed men to rape their wives with no recourse because that's 'not proper rape' according to some.

bemybebe · 21/04/2012 13:09

I changed once and I would have changed again if necessary. A person from my MN June12 antenatal club change from the same consultant btw (as we accidentally discovered from each other's posts). Were I to come across this consultant's twin I would have done the same. No. Problem.

WorraLiberty · 21/04/2012 13:10

Edless I have read the story....

so I was asked to consent to an internal monitor (screws into the baby's scalp during labor). I refused the first time I was asked then consented the second time they asked

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 21/04/2012 13:11

She sounds like an utter pain in the arse.......no doubt she'll be attacked whilst breastfeeding in a few weeks Hmm

VivaLeBeaver · 21/04/2012 13:11

I would love to hear the Dr's/midwives' side of the story - I bet it would be fairly different. Unfortunately due to patient confidentiality it wouldn't be possible for them to defend themselves.

EdlessAllenPoe · 21/04/2012 13:12

so, she accepted.

they were already monitoring externally anyway.

this made absolutely no difference then, none at all.

VivaLeBeaver · 21/04/2012 13:13

She certainly over dramatises - "an internal monitor which screws into the baby's scalp". Hmm

Well thats one way of describing it, but it makes it sound 100x worse than what it actually is.

tenby22 · 21/04/2012 13:13

I think she has been treated badly if true. However, lots of people miss out on having the birth plan they want. I was in a similar situation with my 1st became distressed. I was however, told we have to do a section. I also signed a consent form in theatre although the risks were not really explained to mine. No time I guess. At least I had a live baby at the end.

EdlessAllenPoe · 21/04/2012 13:13

VLB i agree there, but on this one i find it perfectly plausible - why was her DH not present?

bemybebe · 21/04/2012 13:14

"that's the kind of rubbish that has allowed men to rape their wives with no recourse because that's 'not proper rape' according to some"

or the village hunk "she should consider herself lucky" Hmm

Consent. Always consent.

EdlessAllenPoe · 21/04/2012 13:15

"I was however, told we have to do a section. I also signed a consent form in theatre although the risks were not really explained to mine"

exactly..that's what's missing from this story. no consent. no consent from next of kin.

zookeeper · 21/04/2012 13:16

I think she sounds rather dim, self obsessed and very precious.

DerbysKangaskhan · 21/04/2012 13:17

YANBU about the term birth rape. It's highly emotive and does nothing for the case of raising awareness about medical malpractice and it just leads to slinging matches as has been shown here even when the blogger herself did not use the term.

I think "medical assault" would be a better term to use, whether during a birth or not, to discuss this type of issue. And an acknowledgement that while many HCPs are wonderful, thoughtful people, there are crap people in every profession and just because the person is medical or had good intent, doesn't mean their assault should be treated any less as serious as anyone else's.

WorraLiberty · 21/04/2012 13:18

Edles how do you know it made no difference?

It doesn't say the time gap between when it was first offered and when she finally accepted.

It could have made all the difference for all any of us know.

This is one woman's biased account of what happened and obviously the medical staff can't put their side forward.

At the end of it (thankfully) is a healthy baby boy who with no thanks to his mother, managed to survive that birth.