AIBU to really hate the term "birth rape"

[laumiere]

It's from this story where a woman is allegedly put under a GA under her will and given an emergency C section. All very unpleasant (although it does throw up the question as to how much we really expect to control a process which at a basic level is still capable of killing us and our babies) but commentators are starting to term it 'birth rape'. As a rape survivor and someone who has supported rape victims as part of my job I am so sick of this term being overused and devalued! (This goes double for the moronic "draping" on FaceBook).

"But giving birth is viscéral and its not dignified

It's ironic that those with very 'natural' birth plans seem least willing to accept this"

so NICE - when they want women to accorded respect and a maximum of dignity in ante-natal care and childbirth - are doing that because they are a bunch of misguided tree-hugging flower children are they?

or is it for better clinical outcomes?

If this happened to me i would take legal action but it isn't rape. The way they treated this woman is underhand and i would have wanted the anaesthetist and surgeon severely disciplined. But she at least has a healthy baby and os physically well herself. They should tell her everything but from what she is saying i wouldn't believe a word of it anyway if i was her

FFS.
There is 'undignified' and there is being 'treated without dignity'

Growing old can be undignified, having cancer can be undignified but we expect HCPs to treat us with dignity as we age and if we are ill.

Dignity is not just about keeping your legs together and not swearing.

I didnt feel violated or badly treated when I had 3 of my children. I felt in control and listened to. This was enough for me. I didnt expect to have everything 'my own way'. If I had needed to be transfered I would have accepted it despite not wanting it as long as I was informed and consulted.

Its not much to ask is it?

It really is not too much to ask.

I find it very hard to believe that she didn't sign a consent form. In such a litigious society?
I had to sign a consent before my EMCS. I did have some trouble getting people to listen to me, the surgeon just wanted to get on with it and my lovely lovely midwife (who had run down to the lab and back with my blood at 11.30pm and written my blood group on her scrubs because some idiot hadn't recorded it earlier) calmly insisted that she as least try the ventouse first as per my wishes. I was very out of it but was absolutely insistent that they not give me a GA. I vividly remember shaking my head behind the gas and air and DP saying, "Don't put her under." (This has nothing to do with missing the birth, GA has a terrible emotional effect on me, it makes me suicidal.)

I think equating a medical experience to a rape is offensive, although, just now, as I typed the above account I felt slightly panicky and tearful at the memory - not dissimilar to the memory of sexual assault, so oddly I can see a slight parallel. However, this operation happened with trained professionals and my DP holding my hand and I had a lovely healthy baby boy in my arms at the end, so the resemblance ends there.

Im surprised people have objected to my terms of describing what happened to me as not a sexual assault . Having also been sexually assaulted the two are not disimilar . The loss of control , the powerlessness , humiliation and shame were exactly the same .

If i said the man up the street forced his arm into my vagina against my wishes , would any of you argue that it wasnt a sexual assault ? Does the fact that he wore a white coat give him rights to do what he wants to me ? Is he somehow immune ? Should i not be affected by that and shrug it off as one of those things ?

This was not a life or death situation by the way .

Just to add to Diggs' point: rape as we know is not usually sexually motivated. It is an act of wielding power over another person.

The doctors motivation for inserting his ARM into your vagina, is very different to the motivation which leads the man un them street to insert gist ARM into your vagina

Whilst the doctor may need some additional training or indeed maybe it would be deemed he should be struck off, he did not sexually assault you. It's hugely insulting to him to suggest he did

agree schmee, rape is not a sexual act - it is a violent act.

a DR willing in a non-emergency to persist whilst you are screaming is committing an act of violent disregard for you and your rights.

What is in question is the Drs 'manner' or ability to deal with patients respectfully

OR
his/her competence in assessing whether a procedure is necessary

NOT, whether he/she is a sex offender

no one said they were a sex offender did they? but the definition of rape covers an act other than sex, as has been put up on this thread already.

if not rape it is a violent act and disregard for right and yes can be seen as assault ie the case diggs described.

I screamed blue murder when the doctor tried to manually remove my placenta, it was far worse than giving birth. What he was trying to do was save me from having invasive surgery to have it removed.

It didnt work and i I had to leave my new baby, have a spinal, a doctor with not just his hand but also a machine inside me. I was catheterised, had far more people in the room watching. I couldn't move for hours after and had to go on a drip and have iv antibiotics. I
struggled to hold the baby and needed stitches as they had to cut me inorder to have more room get the placenta out.

He certainly didn't try to remove it himself because he wanted to cause me pain, humiliate me or show how much power he had over me

It's great that you were happy with your care Moomin but I'm not sure how it is relevant to the case mentioned in the OP? Clearly most doctors try to do things that benefit their patients. You still need to hold to account those who don't, who break the law, who are incompetent or treat their patients with contempt.

If you say someone has sexually assualted you, then yes you are saying they are sex offenders

A stupid term used by stupid people

Edam my post was to diggs who described her manual placenta removal as sexual assult.

It's a pretty brutal procedure, but it isn't sexual assult and if your lucky and it works it saves you having to be operated on.

"Birth Rape is a term used by women who are massively self-obsessed, much given to dramatic self aggrandizement and a very skewed perception of what really matters"

I thought the same thing when I read this (f)article. Stupid.

I haven't read a lot of this thread but from speaking to friends in the profession it seems that the babies well being is always put ahead of that of the mother. Make of that what you will...

Moomins out of curiosity did they tell you beforehand it would hurt? I mean, were you screaming from surprise? Cos you wanted them to stop? Or what?

I have no problem with people being in pain during medical treatments if the procedure is necessary and the pain unavoidable. Sometimes, it happens, it's life. I DO have a problem with patients not being told something will hurt and consenting in ignore OR with doctors not stopping when asked.

edless personally, if I had to have a procedure performed which was agony, I would want the Dr just to get on with them job so it was over as fast as possible, no matter how much I was protesting. Fannying about is just going to prong the agony