To agree or to refuse?

[Mama1980]

Hi I posted here a while back asking if I bu in thinking my scars shouldn't matter in my brothers wedding pics- long story short I am badly scarred including in my face following a car crash, I truly don't care, wear a bikini etc my sons friends think its awesome as i told them to figure out what type of creature made them cue dinosaurs/sharks etc :) I am supposed to be bridesmaid for my brother when my sister in law to be started fussing and asked me to find some way to cover my scars-tbh I was very hurt we discussed it (brother to my defence) I offered to withdraw from either the wedding party/photos or both but brother wouldn't hear of it. Now future sister in law has asked me to cover up with a wrap and has not mentioned this apparently to my brother- oh this is such a headache I don't want to cause a row but my dd 14 is ready to boycot the whole thing if I am made to cover up -she s very protective. I just can't seem to get my sister in law to well view things normally! So should I give in and cover up as best I can or refuse? And she is being unreasonable isn't she? I haven't lost all sense of perspective? Thanks in advance for reading this- last time I received many helpful words so I'm just asking your perspective again.

Cant believe what a bitch you future SIL is being. Im wondering if her reasons are because the OP has a stunning figure and the bride thinks she will look second best. I find it so hard to believe she is being this shallow.

Your DD sounds like such a lovely girl, i bet you are so proud.

Your SIL is a fucking bitch. Im not making excuses but this thread is a bloody good example of how looks obsessed our society has become. Sil2b has been spoilt to buggery as an only child and cant see past her own nose.
Your 14 year old dd sounds like a lovely young girl as does your whole family.
Bet your own partner is fucking livid about this.
Your SIL is a shallow cold hearted cow.
And shes also a good example of how too many people pay too much attention to the wedding and not enough to the marriage.
I think your DB is in for a lifetime of hell if he goes through with marriage to this cow.

I agree with the majority here.
Again I think your dd sounds lovely and you sound very reasonable too.

bloody hell, I actually pity her. Imagine being trapped in a personally with so very little depth....it must be so dull.

I've only just spotted your updates & personally, though I'm sure you don't want to be the source of any tension between DB & his wife to be (which you most certainly aren't - SHE is) but from where I'm sitting in the long run if your DB goes ahead with the wedding, I think your DB will be be wishing in years to come he recognised this as the deal breaker it truly it is & wished he dumped this vacuous self obsessed cow -

trust me, I've a very long time friend friend who always goes for these sorts & they don't get better with age - worse in fact, because when the facade of beauty they hold so dearly starts to fade they really can't cope & turn into nightmares - his current one, well into her 40s has gradually alienated everyone of his old friends, his excuse for her - she's emotionally immature & can't help it

Thanks again everyone who replied. Sorry to what some of you have friends/relatives that behave the same way. I think brother is starting to think this might be a deal breaker-saying things like I don't understand, why doesn't she see etc.

show him this thread!! At least then he too will know that she is out of order and he isn't being awful for criticising her opinion.

Hope he is OK in the end - if she isn't for him - better he finds out sooner rather than later. Poor guy. :(

Mama, you sound lovely and I want to be your friend. :)
It will be difficult for you if your brother calls off the wedding because of this, but ultimately for the best. It sounds like this woman needs to sort herself out before embarking on a relationship.

I remember your original thread thinking WTH!

I still thinik you should tell your brother and show him the thread. If she is willing to hide this conversation from her DH to be before the wedding, what else would she be willing to hide? Poor guy.

I think you are fantastic, what an inspirational mother for your DD. What a positive role model in the world of plastic perfected body image.

well said MrsSnow

OP please don't feel responsible for any trouble arising between your db and his wife. They are responsible for themselves and you've done nothing wrong.

You are a courageous, feisty woman, Mama, and you are right. Hat off to you and your children. Your brother sounds ace, too. You are in no way responsible for any friction between your DB and his fiancee. Perhaps she will learn a very valuable lesson about what is skin deep and what really matters - although from what you have said it seems unlikely. Respect!

Are you shitting me?

Cover up your scars or you're not in the wedding pics? What an absolute bitch!
I hope your DB gives her the elbow.

'My Grandmother was 4 foot tall exactly. On hindsight I should've asked the selfish bitch to wear stilts so as not to ruin my day.' Sorry, but that made me howl.

Don't feel sad OP. I just wouldn't want to be bridesmaid to such a thoughtless and immature woman and your brother should understand that, in the circumstances. I think you sound lovely.

Vile woman . If you had red hair and it clashed with her colour scheme, would she ask you to dye it? If you were bigger than the other guests, would she ask you to lose weight?

How you look is how you are, it's you, and you sound a much better person than this shallow, thick skinned bitch could ever be. Tell her to fuck off.

She is not just U, she is a BFH. Withdraw immediately and just go as guest, definitely tell your brother and your family why but remain pleasant, adorable and innocent about it - but firmly not a bridesmaid. She will always feel bad about this if she has any humanity, so don't make it easier for her to rewrite in her mind by being a BM anyway. You sound lovely and she sounds dim witted and unpleasant, quite frankly.

Blolody hell-what a bitch. Ring your brother and say you wanted to tell him first, but that your SIL clearly isn't happy as she's now asked you to wear a wrap and you feel it's best if you pull out (did she want you to be a bridesmaid or was that his idea?). That leaves the ball in his court and also informs him what a bitch he's marrying.

My Dh's cousin actually called off her marriage to her long-term partner because her father has a facial deformity due to a rare cancer and although he had never previously expressed any negativity towards her father, her fiance started saying he didn't want her dad to give her away at the altar, give a speech, etc., because he thought his face would upset people and spoil their day and that his slightly slurry voice would be embarrassing. What a c**t! Turns out it was his mother pressurising him, but he still deserved to be given the elbow for being such a pathetic, wimpy mother's boy. (She now has a lovely DH and a toddler who loves to pat and kiss her grandpa's 'hurty face', so sweet)

OP, does your brother really want to be attached to such a shallow bitch who is like this to his sister?! What if they had a baby who wasn't 'perfect' (to her nasty little mind)? 24 is old enough not to be such a bratty cow about this stuff, I doubt she'll change much with age.

I've been lurking, but I really want to say I can totally understand why your SIL to be wants to marry in to your family, you all sound lovely!

While I hope all works out well, I do think you need to stick to your guns.

The wedding is off dear brother sleeping in my sofa. Apparently she said something even worse he won't tell me what says he cannot bear to repeat it.

Bloody Hell!!!

I can't help but feel he has had a close shave though. :(

However, most of all my heart goes out to you all and especially him as he must be devastated to find the love of his life (or what he thought was) could be someone he didn't like. :(

I feel confident with the wonderful family you all clearly are that he will pull through, but I wouldn't wish such a miserable time on anyone.

I hope you never find out what else she said and your brother is proving what a great loyal bloke he is. She has totally lucked out and I hope she finds the man she really deserves one day.

Oh my God!! your poor brother. Well whatever she said, he's well out of it if she's as spiteful and nasty as she appears to have been to you. You sound like you are part of a loving family , hope your brother is okay.

Sorry for your poor brother.

Oh blimey. Poor you, and poor brother.
It won't be any consolation to you or him at the moment, but it is probably for the best, in that he has found out his wife-to-be has some very skewed values. There's no getting round that, really, it's fundamental.
Thinking of you both.

That has actually made me well up. How can someone be so cruel and heartless (without just cause) to someone they love and their family, I am furious that she has been able to hurt him this way when she is not even worthy to be given the time of day by you and yours.