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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To agree or to refuse?

249 replies

Mama1980 · 20/04/2012 17:08

Hi I posted here a while back asking if I bu in thinking my scars shouldn't matter in my brothers wedding pics- long story short I am badly scarred including in my face following a car crash, I truly don't care, wear a bikini etc my sons friends think its awesome as i told them to figure out what type of creature made them cue dinosaurs/sharks etc :) I am supposed to be bridesmaid for my brother when my sister in law to be started fussing and asked me to find some way to cover my scars-tbh I was very hurt we discussed it (brother to my defence) I offered to withdraw from either the wedding party/photos or both but brother wouldn't hear of it. Now future sister in law has asked me to cover up with a wrap and has not mentioned this apparently to my brother- oh this is such a headache I don't want to cause a row but my dd 14 is ready to boycot the whole thing if I am made to cover up -she s very protective. I just can't seem to get my sister in law to well view things normally! So should I give in and cover up as best I can or refuse? And she is being unreasonable isn't she? I haven't lost all sense of perspective? Thanks in advance for reading this- last time I received many helpful words so I'm just asking your perspective again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mama1980 · 20/04/2012 20:48

Thanks again everyone for the support it means a lot Smile I am going to speak to my brother tomorrow, don't think there's anything else I can do. Trust me if I could after this I would just not go, use the obscene amount of money this is costing me to take my children away, but at 27 he is still my baby brother and I love him very much. I will let you know what he says. I'm sorry for all those who posted that a similar thing happened to them-It hurts- I honestly don't understand what sil is thinking what do my scars have to do with anything? And thanks to those who mentioned dd I showed her this and she puffed up a little bit with pride and yes I am amazingly proud of my beautiful strong girl Smile

OP posts:
SoozyWoozy · 20/04/2012 20:55

What would she do if you weren't a bridesmaid and went to the wedding in a beautiful dress which just happened to allow your scars to be seen? Would she say to you on the day - sorry, no scars get out of the picture?!

She is being VVVVVVU, total bridezilla nightmare. Speak to your brother.

MigratingCoconuts · 20/04/2012 21:09

good luck mamma...you really do not deserve any of this. what a crap way to treat family.

MigratingCoconuts · 20/04/2012 21:10

(sorry Blush mama)

MinnieBar · 20/04/2012 21:28

Hope it goes ok with your DB maybe he'll call the whole thing off.

One of my bridesmaids has a really quite big (and even she agrees not that nice) tattoo on her upper arm. She offered to put some cover-up on for the photos (unprompted) - I immediately said no, because it's part of who she is. It honestly would never have occurred to me to suggest such a thing.

Booboostoo · 20/04/2012 21:29

Your SIL is the biggest cow in the whole of MN history.

hathorkicksass · 20/04/2012 21:29

I would dye my hair bright blue/green/whatever colour would clash best with the dresses if I was you.

You SIL is a cunt.

And that is fact.

bronze · 20/04/2012 21:36

I would definitely withdraw and then wear the most something as revealing as the bridesmaids dress. Then let her explain to your brother on the day as to why she doesn't want you in the group/family pictures

PODDLEBUM · 20/04/2012 21:49

get all your friends and your immediate family to wear comedy wraps too

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/04/2012 22:00

I'm glad that you're going to discuss this with your brother, Mama1980. Because I do think it is important that he knows - that he has been kept in the dark over this is very unsettling.

I presume it's her wedding photos she's bothered about? Tell her to get her copies PhotoShop'ed and to get a full personality transplant.

fuzzpig · 20/04/2012 22:11

I'd rather have scars than be a bitch.

I do have scars in fact, I was a self harmer. Didn't cover up for my wedding or for my best friend's wedding a few weeks ago as a bridesmaid. Am a bridesmaid again next year and that friend won't ask me to cover up either.

I have a strong feeling your SIL won't want you in photos as a guest either. Never mind, it'll be fun watching her try to explain that to people...

MadamFolly · 20/04/2012 22:13

YANBU Angry that she is still pursuing this.

KateSpade · 20/04/2012 22:17

Fuzzpig I've been reading this thread and it only dawned on my once i read your comment that i too have scars from self harming. Mine were done getting up for ten years ago now, when i was a kid. They have faded loads, lately I've started to feel a little self conscious about them, only because when people see them i can see in their face they think I'm some kind of mental nightmare. How visible are yours, if you don't mine me asking do you get any negative reactions?

Mama What a lovely thing for your daughter to do, i know its a bit feisty, like myself, but sticking up for you like that is lovely!

chunkythighs · 20/04/2012 22:28

Speaking as a fellow scarree. I feel sorry for your brother. Your SIL is a bitch.
You have done an amazing job rearing your daughter. Be proud of both yourself and your daughter.

SooooooooNBU

TrinityRhino · 21/04/2012 08:17

I second fuzzpig

she sounds like a cow

Clytaemnestra · 21/04/2012 08:58

I remember your other thread. SIL is a shallow cowbag.

PooPooInMyToes · 21/04/2012 09:09

Only read page one but i am outraged for you. What horrible woman!

Tell your brother what she is asked and good for you not being bothered about your scars. I actually quite like scars because they make you even more unique and each tells a story.

thatboysmum · 21/04/2012 10:15

I remember reading your previous thread and was disgusted then. The fact you have now discussed this with her and your brother and he has whole heartedly backed you up, yet she has still insisted on you covering up behind your brother's and her future husband's back is absolutely dispicable. Is she really that much of a nasty, shallow, heartless person especially now that she knows it has upset and hurt you? Before it could have possibly been put down to a thoughtless foot in mouth mistake but now it is just downright rude. Your SIL is a nasty piece of work, I would not be trying to save her face, she had the opportunity to turn this around after the first conversation but she hasn't and if it were me this incident would seriously change my opinion of her and would affect any future relationship tbh. Listen to your daughter, she is right. Do not cover up, SIL is the only one who has a problem with this and it just goes to show the sort of person she is.

TheSinglePringle · 21/04/2012 10:17

My aunty wouldn't let me be a bridesmaid with the other girls in the family because I had scars all over my leg from been run over at 11.

She had the girls in dresses and didn't want my scars to stand out in the pictures.

youarekidding · 21/04/2012 10:41

I am actually truely outraged that there still seems to be a high level of discrimination for those of us who are slightly 'different' for want of a better word in society today. (just read Singles post aswell)

My mum actually made DS take his glasses off for some wedding photos once. I made my feelings clear, she hasn't asked again. I wear glasses full time and DS has been told he'll likely have to wear them forever. I don't think theres anything good that can can make a then 6yo think there's something wrong with wearing them.

youarekidding · 21/04/2012 10:42

I don't think theres anything good that can can make a then 6yo think there's something wrong with wearing them. Hmm

reworded: I don't think there's anything good that can come from making a then..........

ipswichwitch · 21/04/2012 10:42

some people are unbelievable
yaay to your DBro for backing you up (i would tell him she's gone behind his back BTW)
your DD has every right to feel proud, she sound amazing and at 14 is already more mature and adult than your supposedly grown up SIL-to-be.
maybe just ignore her attempts to cover you up, turn up on the day in b'maids dress, enjoy the day and let SIL look like a twat if she tries excluding you from the pics

Sunnywithachanceofshowers · 21/04/2012 10:46

OP, I remember your last thread. I'm so sorry your SIL is still being such a vile bitch.

perceptionreality · 21/04/2012 10:46

No, don't cover up! She sounds awful. Her rudeness is beyond the pale.

madonnawhore · 21/04/2012 10:51

Your brother's fiancee is an imbecile and a bigot.

Don't back down on this. And don't keep her dirty little secret for her either. Your brother and the rest of your family ought to know what sort of person she is.

Your daughter sounds amazing.