Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To agree or to refuse?

249 replies

Mama1980 · 20/04/2012 17:08

Hi I posted here a while back asking if I bu in thinking my scars shouldn't matter in my brothers wedding pics- long story short I am badly scarred including in my face following a car crash, I truly don't care, wear a bikini etc my sons friends think its awesome as i told them to figure out what type of creature made them cue dinosaurs/sharks etc :) I am supposed to be bridesmaid for my brother when my sister in law to be started fussing and asked me to find some way to cover my scars-tbh I was very hurt we discussed it (brother to my defence) I offered to withdraw from either the wedding party/photos or both but brother wouldn't hear of it. Now future sister in law has asked me to cover up with a wrap and has not mentioned this apparently to my brother- oh this is such a headache I don't want to cause a row but my dd 14 is ready to boycot the whole thing if I am made to cover up -she s very protective. I just can't seem to get my sister in law to well view things normally! So should I give in and cover up as best I can or refuse? And she is being unreasonable isn't she? I haven't lost all sense of perspective? Thanks in advance for reading this- last time I received many helpful words so I'm just asking your perspective again.

OP posts:
hathorkicksass · 23/04/2012 10:09

Mama none of this is your fault.

She is a selfish shallow self-absorbed no mark who isn't worth one second of your head space.

GinPalace · 23/04/2012 10:11

She is bonkers - people in your wedding pics aren't there for decoration they are there to hold the memory of the special people who wanted to share your day.

Glad your brother and DD are the people they are and understand it is you they want to see in the picture not some alternative version of you.

Good luck.

Paiviaso · 23/04/2012 10:13

I'm happy to hear that your brother is standing up for you. Hopefully she will come around, or perhaps this was a lucky wakeup call that this woman is not right for your brother!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 23/04/2012 10:13

What a bitch!!!!!! Tell her to fuck right off!!

Xales · 23/04/2012 10:21

Good for you. Don't do it!!!

It sets a precedent that you will cover up for this selfish woman whenever she deems you unacceptable.

Christenings, first birthdays, Christmas time...

Codandchops · 23/04/2012 10:45

Not your fault at all. If it was me as a bride I'd want a record of the day and it would not matter to me.

She sounds like it's all about "the day" and "the pictures" and I wonder what she will find to worry about AFTER the wedding is over.

probatequestion · 23/04/2012 10:51
Shock

some people have no clue. what an awful woman. does she rely on her looks? does she care more about looks than anything else? if so, she's going to find growing old awfully hard.

5madthings · 23/04/2012 10:55

yes what xales said is a good point i can just imagine that she would try the same trick for future 'special occasions'!

am i the only one wondering HOW this will be resolved, i mean either she back down and aplogises, (still going to take some forgiving!) or else i cant see how this relationship will work?!! honestly i just cant, can i ask what she is normally like, is she this horrible about any other issues?

StandingAlone · 23/04/2012 10:58

Wow your SIL sounds like a nasty, selfish, stuck up bitch Angry

Try not to feel Sad I know it is easier said than done but you have done nothing wrong and have handled the whole sorry situation very well. You sound like you have an amazing daughter, how fantastic that your daughter is sticking up for her mum. Your DC sound amazing as do you.

I hope that your SIL comes to her senses very soon, no way on earth should you have to cover up. I think it is fantastic that you view your scars in such a positive light.

Your brother sounds ace, sticking up for you.

Original poster
Mama1980 · 23/04/2012 11:15

Thanks again all yep my daughter is amazing Smile and naturally I think sometimes overprotective after I gave her the fright of her life. My future sil is well the best way to describe I think is very young, she's 24 but has been treated with kid gloves for years by her parents who couldn't have mor children. She is very girly into fashion, hair etc. she doesn't rally interact with my dc when she visits and is very clingy with brother but I always have sort of excused her in the past it isn't the first time she's not been terribly sensible but I always thought she was thoughtless instead of well selfish and hurtful. Am actually getting kinda Angry now (though I won't tell brother/family so no need to make things worse!Wink) I was under the impression I was pretty dp always tells me so Grin I genuinely don't get what what I look like has to do with anything?

OP posts:
GinPalace · 23/04/2012 11:18

Being 24 has nothing to do with it - your 14yo daughter has more depth than the puddle your poor Db is marrying!!

At least he knows what kind of person he's getting before he signs on the dotted line - can't say he wasn't warned can he!!

Hope everyone has a great day in the end and the bride trips on her veil and gets a black eye Wink

AgathaFusty · 23/04/2012 11:23

Absolutely shocking behaviour. I'm so pleased you have such a wonderful family around you and are so obviously a strong person yourself.

Personally, I think I would decline attending their wedding in any form and have a lovely day out/holiday with your family instead.

GinPalace · 23/04/2012 11:29

Can see your point Agatha but her brother has stood by her shoulder to shoulder and she is going for him - wouldn't be fair to make him pay for her rotten-ness - he'll have a whole lifetime for that to happen!!

sugarice · 23/04/2012 11:36

I feel a little bit teary after reading all of that Shock. You sound like you're part of a very loving family with fab dc too. Sil to be sounds like an uber bitch. Have a wonderful time at the wedding and pose like mad in the photo's. Start practising in the mirror now Grin

NarkedPuffin · 23/04/2012 11:38

She's an idiot.

Your DD sounds lovely.

diddl · 23/04/2012 12:06

I´ve just read thins & it has made me really angry for you OP.

Is your brother having second thoughts about marrying her?

ThisLittleTeddyBear · 23/04/2012 12:32

Just read this thread and wanted to add my support OP, and to echo the lovely things said about your daughter.

I too tend to try and excuse people's behaviour and assume they must have good intentions somewhere, but I really can't see it with your SIL. I suppose the whole 'caught-in-the-hype' bridezilla madness could explain a tiny fraction of the insensitivity of her asking the first time. But she has been given fair warning and a clear exit through which she could back out gracefully (more than most here would have given her I think), yet she would rather cause serious problems in a family she is not even part of yet than back down from this stupidity. I think that's a clear indication of the kind of woman she is, and I feel for your brother.

If it hadn't gone too far already and I was in the mood for peacekeeping I might have agree halfheartedly to wear the wrap and then 'forgotten' it on the day, telling DD my intentions. But the silly cow forced everyone to take sides, and unsurprisingly she is the loser.

Stick to your guns OP. Good luck.

silkpursesowsear · 23/04/2012 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeWihara · 23/04/2012 13:43

Well done, OP.

It might sound a bit extreme but if your DB and fSIL break up, it really would not be your fault. It would be hers for being so shallow and disrespectful of your family and their feelings (I damn well wouldn't want to be married to someone that shallow!)

MrsWembley · 23/04/2012 14:51

No no no no, not your fault. Don't ever ever ever feel that someone else's poor behaviour is your fault.

Again, I feel so sorry for your DB, who sounds like a star, btw. In fact, your whole family sound fab. Hope she grows up quickly and realises what an utter twat she's being and that she's very lucky to have a chance to be part of it.

I still can't believe someone could be so shallow as to think that looks are that important. Is she some sort of supermodel herself? Odds on she's quite ordinary, but has been told all her life that she's the prettiest thing around if she's the solo product of doting parents. Sad

Oh, and you sound far more beautiful, especially the way you keep trying to make allowances for her.Smile

TheHappyHissy · 23/04/2012 15:31

If I were getting married and my groom was saying anything of this kind to my sibling, I'd be horrified and I'd want to know.

I think you need to have a chat with your brother.

Ephiny · 23/04/2012 15:50

She sounds extremely shallow and rude to say such a thing to you. If you felt more comfortable being covered up, then of course that would be fine, but it's not anyone else's place to say whether you should or not.

Does she seriously not realise how offensive and inappropriate she is being? Even your 14 year old can see that, so being young is no excuse!

I thought wedding photos were supposed to be a nice reminder of the day, and of your friends and loved ones being themselves and having a fun time, not a fashion parade of the beautiful and flawless only!

Debsbear · 23/04/2012 15:57

I think another chat with your brother might be the way to go and offer to step back from being a bridesmaid again. From what you've said there is no way he'll agree with that, but it'll show how strongly you feel. Tbh if this a snapshot of what she is like then I'll be amazed if the relationship lasts. Have a fantastic day at the wedding anyway!

reddaisy · 23/04/2012 15:57

This is probably the most outrageous thread I have ever read on MN as it has truly shocked me that someone could behave like this.

Don't do it OP, what a very ignorant woman she is.

MadamFolly · 23/04/2012 16:05

I think its a good thing he is finding out what she is like before he marries her.

Bitch Angry

Swipe left for the next trending thread