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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To agree or to refuse?

249 replies

Mama1980 · 20/04/2012 17:08

Hi I posted here a while back asking if I bu in thinking my scars shouldn't matter in my brothers wedding pics- long story short I am badly scarred including in my face following a car crash, I truly don't care, wear a bikini etc my sons friends think its awesome as i told them to figure out what type of creature made them cue dinosaurs/sharks etc :) I am supposed to be bridesmaid for my brother when my sister in law to be started fussing and asked me to find some way to cover my scars-tbh I was very hurt we discussed it (brother to my defence) I offered to withdraw from either the wedding party/photos or both but brother wouldn't hear of it. Now future sister in law has asked me to cover up with a wrap and has not mentioned this apparently to my brother- oh this is such a headache I don't want to cause a row but my dd 14 is ready to boycot the whole thing if I am made to cover up -she s very protective. I just can't seem to get my sister in law to well view things normally! So should I give in and cover up as best I can or refuse? And she is being unreasonable isn't she? I haven't lost all sense of perspective? Thanks in advance for reading this- last time I received many helpful words so I'm just asking your perspective again.

OP posts:

AutumnSummers · 20/04/2012 18:50

I agree with fuzzypig

TidyDancer · 20/04/2012 18:58

My best friend has extensive scars from teenage self harming and numerous tattoos on her arms and legs. She will be my bridesmaid when I marry DP. Have I asked her to cover up?

No frigging way.

I am proud of her and I would never want her to hide who she is.

OP, you sound lovely and your DD sounds bloody brilliant. What a credit to you she is. Tell your SIL to fuck right off.

GrahamTribe · 20/04/2012 19:01

Don't you dare cover up for this thoughtless, insensitive, rude woman! You know what I'd do? I'd tell her to shove her wedding up her ass and book that weekend away, taking my lovely, protective 14 year old daughter with me.

TrinityRhino · 20/04/2012 19:06

oh please, please don't cover up

I don't think kicking her in the cunt is a go'er really but......

DPrince · 20/04/2012 19:07

I like soupdragons idea on the first page, withdraw and wear what you want. I was sil and dbros bridesmaid this year. I still had a bit of baby weight as ds was only 6 months old. If sil had asked me to cover up my bingo wings I (and dbro) would have told her to fuck off tbh.

joannita · 20/04/2012 19:08

Your future SIL is being very unreasonable, in fact downright nasty. Hell, you are part of the family and the only reason for making an issue about your scars would be if you yourself were uncomfortable about them, eg. if she knew you preferred to cover them up she could have sensitively offered you a different cut of bridesmaid dress. As you are completely fine about them, she should pipe down and accept you as you are. I think you need to discuss this with your brother and get him to lay it on the line to her that you wearing what you want regardless of scars is non-negotiable. It's his day too after all and I'm sure he wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable. Yes, wedding photos are a souped-up version of reality but they should still be real.

PODDLEBUM · 20/04/2012 19:08

go - get wrapped - but pull a really odd face in every photo...

Isityouorme · 20/04/2012 19:09

I remember you, thought you were a strong brave inspirational woman. I would not cover up, though it would be rather amusing to cover up then flamboyantly whip the scarf away for photos! Your SIL is an ignorant cow.

Smellslikecatspee · 20/04/2012 19:12

What a nasty bit of work, your SIL, I mean.

AnyFucker · 20/04/2012 19:13

Your future SIL is a stupid and ignorant bitch

youarekidding · 20/04/2012 19:14

I really am trying very hard to excuse my future sister in law but can perfect photos ever mean this much. But surely the perfect photo is your SIL/ bro and their loved ones?

Your scars are part of you, they are part of your story,the history of your life. It would BU to cover up your past because someone thinks it make make a perfect photo for their future.

Would you wear a headscarf/ dye your hair because the colour wasn't the same as others? Actually do it - buy a bright wrap and dye your hair to match.

5madthings · 20/04/2012 19:18

you OP sound a very wonderful and lovely person as does your dd, you future sil however sounds VILE, horrible, horrible person!

i would go and not be bridesmaid and i wouldl buy myself the most stunning outfit i possibly could and outshine the bride!

Chilenachica · 20/04/2012 19:18

Sorry, no time to read so this may have been said already, but get the future SIL to sort it out with your brother. It's their wedding, she is the bridzilla etc.

I'm so glad that your DD is supportive.

strawberrypenguin · 20/04/2012 19:20

She is being very unreasonable and quite nasty. Weddings should be about love not looks, you sound lovely (not seen your other thread) and your DD is amazing for both of you.

PullUpAPew · 20/04/2012 19:20

She is being unreasonable, if it were me I would pull out over the request alone tell her to stick it.

Your scars are part of you. She has no right to make comments. She sounds like a piece of work.

ColinFirthsGirth · 20/04/2012 19:21

What a horrible person your SIL is! She is being highly unreasonable.

You are beautiful as you are - don't cover up.

strawberrypenguin · 20/04/2012 19:21

anyfucker you always manage to sum a thread up succinctly

mycatoscar · 20/04/2012 19:22

YANBU!

My SIL didnt want me in her wedding photos either for very similar reasons. My FIL and DH were not impressed by her behaviour and managed to "talk her round" but I simply refused to be in the photos anyway as a matter of principle.

I think the best response is to refuse to cover up but say you arent bothered about being in the photos. No way should you have to disguise any part of the real you just for her "perfect" photos! And if anyone comments, then tell them why you arent in the photos. Also, do tell your brother.

AnyFucker · 20/04/2012 19:27

it's a gift, SP

youarekidding · 20/04/2012 19:27

Actually evil thought - say your happy not to appear in the photos.

On the day and they say BM photos etc just act normally and wander over.

What is she going to do? Stop you in front of everyone and tell them all why?

crunchbag · 20/04/2012 19:41

If you did wrap up wouldn't that look odd, especially as none of the other bm wrap up? Also wouldn't your brother, parents and other family/friends be asking you why you were wearing a wrap?
Ask SIL if she really wants to explain herself to them on her wedding day.

Doesn't bode well for a happy marriage.

Personally I would pull out of being a bridesmaid and treat myself to a great dress.

Nobhead · 20/04/2012 19:59

Jesus Christ what a fucking bitch! I would refuse to be her bridesmaid after this and make it clear to EVERYONE why this is so. What do your parentsand DB say about all this? Does your DB still want to marry her because she sounds fucking awful. Who the hell does she think she is? Is her wedding appearing in OK magazine- no? Tell her to get over herself.

Lovetats · 20/04/2012 19:59

My adorable sister in law is scarred on her face and arms from a childhood accident. At her wedding last year, she was the most beautiful bride I've ever seen!

I think your brother needs to tell his future wife not to be such a bloody arsehole.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 20/04/2012 20:03

Strawberrypenguin, you are so right! AF is my hero!

HappyJustToBe · 20/04/2012 20:17

Your daughter sounds amazing, OP. Bridezilla or not your SIL is a witch.

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