to get arsey right back when dh was arsey with me for being uncontactable by phone for 90 minutes?

[bibbitybobbitybunny]

I am fecking livid and feeling extraordinarily sorry for myself all at the same time.

Basically, I sahm, and dh is self employed, works all over the place, random hours, goes away, no two days are the same sort of gig.

The dc are at primary school.

Anyway, nice day here, sun is out and I thought I'd make the most of it because there has been so much rain, with more to come, so I'd go out and do some gardening.

Meanwhile, school phoned here on the landline and on my mobile to say ds was feeling poorly and could I bring him home.

Well - I didn't hear those calls.

So they phoned dh and when he couldn't get hold of me either, he decided to leave work, come home on the bus (45 minutes) and collect ds from school.

When it started to rain and I came in from the garden, I picked up a call from school and said yes I'll come and get ds (we live 5 minutes walk away).

Met dh bringing ds home while I was on my way down to school!

Dh was very arsey with me for not having my mobile out in the garden.

I said fuxake, do I have to be at everyone's beck and call every minute of the chuffing day?

If I am not there to pick up the slack re. childcare then suddenly everyone is terribly inconvenienced, but does he appreciate me for being there to take care of this sort of thing normally? Does he my arse.

I really truly feel like fucking off on my own for a couple of weeks .

"your husband had to leave his job and do yours?"

But he didn´t-he chose to!

He didn't have to leave his job though!

She was gardening not having a spa day!

diddl - "It never occurred to me that as a SAHP I had to be on call during school hours."

Are there some missing words in that? If not who is on call, not the person doing paid work surely?

Really, if the school are calling him then there was a problem. If the school didn't want a parent to collect the child, they wouldn't be contacting the childs parents.

That was at imperial btw.

Oh & if my husband had to do this he would be doing it for his child-not me!

If I was a SAHM I would expect being available in case the DC were ill at school to be part of my role, tbh, but I would not expect a strop from DH in the circumstances OP describes.

I think it was actually good that the DH was concerned to hear that his DC was ill and wanted to collect him anyway? I can imagine howls of outrage from some if he hadn't?

YABU, it said in the op that they left you a message asking you to collect so surely they would have left the same message on his dad's phone - he is getting slated for responding and collecting his son, how strange!

I agree diddl that he seems to be blaming Bibbity for his own mistake.

I am also frankly disturbed by Teebs and her 'working parent controls the finance' statement...

"If not who is on call, not the person doing paid work surely?"

No-but if they couldn´t contact me it was too bad tbh.

They would have to keep the child until I got the message & got there or turned up at end of school.

Who expects the DH to be on call while getting their nails done? Not the op that's for sure, she was out of contact for a whole 90minutes, not ideal but not worth getting arsey about either. Her DH didn't need to leave his work at all.

To the people who asked why I am sahm:

Well, after I had dd I didn't want to go back to my old job as I didn't enjoy it much. I also worked in an extremely old-fashioned place where job/shares and flexi hours were not an option. So dd would have had to be in childcare 8am to 6pm 5 days a week from 9 months and I did not want that (aibu?).

After ds came along we would have been out of pocket if I had worked before he went to school.

I have had two jobs since having the children, actually.

But, anyway, dh works a lot of hours, all over the country, all over the world. When the World Cup was on he went to South Africa for 5 weeks so school could easily have phoned him and he would have had to say "poor ds I'm in Capetown". He works every weekend without fail, sometimes both days, and usually two evenings per week until about midnight.

He took a day off on Good Friday and it was his first day off work since 11th March.

We have no parents nearby to help with childcare, so the logistics of not being a sahm are very tricky.

But he's going to have to think again now cos I'm not going to be taken for granted like this til the dc have left home.

I think the point bibbity is making is that there will have been hundreds of times where she has dropped everything and rushed off to collect a vomitey child. But they all count for nothing on the one time she doesn't

And it would appear that this one time is resulting in her having to justify her very existance on here.

I'm sorry if that disturbed you Laura, although i'm not quite sure why. I'd also prefer if you didn't twist my words and imply that I used the word control when I said it was their responsibility. Just like childcare can be the sahm responsibility, doesn't mean that she has control over the children, or does it?

I would say the general understanding is that paid work supplies an income, which pays the bills. Although the op has hinted that that may not be the case, so perhaps she has significant savings, who knows!

Right.

Dh and I both work, but usually at different times.

I would be ROYALLY peed off if I was at work and a kid was ill and I had to deal with it because he couldnt be contacted.

And vice versa.

I dont think its to do with SAH or WOH, to be honest. Its to do with who would be least inconvienced and could reasonably be expected to deal with a situation.

And if the school didnt want the child collected, why on earth were they phoning each parent - and you several times. On the one occasion our school has had to do similar (DD2 bumped her head and they had to tell us, although she had gone back to class) they left a voice mail.

Take a step back and think about it.

But its the one time that she posted on AIBU about it and many agree that being a SAHP means being available to pick up sick DCs from school.

But would you be peed off with the situation (which I can completely understand) or the other person?

She was available, just not instantly.

As an aside i hate the fact that due to the invention of the mobile phone we are expected to be instantly accessible it's ridiculous.

My DH is a teacher but in the holidays the younger children go into nursery for 1 day a week so that he can get stuff done.

If I got called like this (and was told to come home - I accept he wasn't!) - I would be furious if I got back to find he'd been gardening and so hadn't answered the phone because of that.

In saying all that, I'd have tried the neighbours etc first as I'd have an idea he might be on the garden so hopefully crisis would be averted!

Also I know you're joking, but the bit about going back to work as he's got a slave to do the childcare - you're lucky (IMO) to be a SAHM, it is kind of your job, I'm guessing someone needs to earn some "real money " to pay the bills (and I'm not saying you don't do a job... but it doesn't pay the mortgage, unfortunately, does it!)

So you are kinda BU but I also get why your pissed off!

if the working parent had made a late payment on a bill, that would be their responsibility because finances are their domain.

Maybe in your home Teeb. Not in most relationships though, I suspect. Although, I agree that controls was probably not the correct word.