Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get arsey right back when dh was arsey with me for being uncontactable by phone for 90 minutes?

327 replies

bibbitybobbitybunny · 20/04/2012 14:27

I am fecking livid and feeling extraordinarily sorry for myself all at the same time.

Basically, I sahm, and dh is self employed, works all over the place, random hours, goes away, no two days are the same sort of gig.

The dc are at primary school.

Anyway, nice day here, sun is out and I thought I'd make the most of it because there has been so much rain, with more to come, so I'd go out and do some gardening.

Meanwhile, school phoned here on the landline and on my mobile to say ds was feeling poorly and could I bring him home.

Well - I didn't hear those calls.

So they phoned dh and when he couldn't get hold of me either, he decided to leave work, come home on the bus (45 minutes) and collect ds from school.

When it started to rain and I came in from the garden, I picked up a call from school and said yes I'll come and get ds (we live 5 minutes walk away).

Met dh bringing ds home while I was on my way down to school!

Dh was very arsey with me for not having my mobile out in the garden.

I said fuxake, do I have to be at everyone's beck and call every minute of the chuffing day?

If I am not there to pick up the slack re. childcare then suddenly everyone is terribly inconvenienced, but does he appreciate me for being there to take care of this sort of thing normally? Does he my arse.

I really truly feel like fucking off on my own for a couple of weeks .

OP posts:
helpyourself · 20/04/2012 15:20

Meh, I can see both sides- bit ott of the school to send him home. Hope he feels better soon.

CailinDana · 20/04/2012 15:21

Why are you a SAHM bibbity? I'm a SAHM so I can be there for my child, and that would include being called into school if necessary.

differentnameforthis · 20/04/2012 15:21

I am a sahm to be there for my kids, if that means being called to the school if they need to come home sick, then yes, I guess that is one of the reasons.

I don't see what is 'cripes' about that! I certainly don't do it so I can do housework most of the day!

Indith · 20/04/2012 15:22

but cherry I know people who don't own mobiles, are they supposed to not leave the house? Also, a lot of my village has no mobile signal. I could be at a friend's hous further up the village, with my mobile but with no signal, would that be unreasonable?

helpyourself · 20/04/2012 15:23

Don't they sit in a corridor outside the ht's office? I remember coming round there after I was concussed in the playground in morning break. Walked home and my mum screamed as I was my face was so grazed.

NatashaBee · 20/04/2012 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
bibbitybobbitybunny · 20/04/2012 15:23

Am going in to school office to find out if they asked dh to come home.

OP posts:
storminabuttercup · 20/04/2012 15:27

I can see both sides really, you are feeling under appreciated, dh is pissed off he had to leave work. Personally I would have the mobile in the garden though.

Similar situation here today, I work part time, dp full time, ds is Ill today, I start work later than DP so it's always up to me to make the decision whether to send ds to nursery or not, then for me to take the day off, also working long shifts but part time it's alot of my working week gone. This morning I tried dp's phone at the time I knew he had a break and could answer and despite knowing ds was ill yesterday he hadn't turned it on. So rather than him arranging an early finish and me starting a bit later I've had to take the full day off as I couldn't contact him. Angry

mynewpassion · 20/04/2012 15:30

Don't bother the school because you are just making it worse. Just apologize for not being contactable and having your husband leave his job and go get the DC.

And if you don't want to be responsible for these emergencies, then don't be a SAHP. Above all else, being there for the children is the priority of the parent.

OrmIrian · 20/04/2012 15:31

No, you aren't.

Years ago if they had called you when you were out they would have got no reply and they'd have had to wait.

I can quite see why DH was cross I suppose but I still don't think you were being unreasonable. Just one of those things.

cherrypieplum · 20/04/2012 15:32

But that's not what happened in this case. Mobile and landline were just not left in hearing range. I do think it's unfair on the child untimately and the school. It is incredibly disruptive. Especially when 9 times out of 10 it's preceded with said child being herded through the door in the morning gleefully telling you they'd been sick that very morning, dosed up and packed off to school.

I've been contacted before now because my diabetic nephew was unwell in a school a good hour away from me because neither my sister nor her ex were contactable. When neither work and they've popped out for the day it is galling! Stressful for the child, the school and whoever they evenutally contact!

Casmama · 20/04/2012 15:32

I really wouldn't be asking the school office questions they could reasonably expect your dh to answer. I can see both sides of things and suspect this is the end of a long line of you feeling unappreciated but think that getting the school office involved in your domestic is a really bad idea.

IslaValargeone · 20/04/2012 15:34

It's always going to be the way isn't it, that the one day you forget your mobile is going to be the day that one of the kids gets sick. Shit happens, and although I can understand your dh getting pissed off it's not like it happens on a regular basis.
I think one or two comments here are out of order tbh.
You have the audacity to call yourself a sahm and then on one occasion, not be there Shame on you [hmmm]

cherrypieplum · 20/04/2012 15:35

Helpyourself it depends on the age of the child but if a child is poorly enough to go home then they are not well enough to sit outside an office unsupervised.

cherrypieplum · 20/04/2012 15:38

Thing is, it's not years ago now is it? What's the point of owning a mobile if you don't use it?

Years ago children would've been down coal mines and up chimney shafts doesn't mean it was for the best!

StealthPolarBear · 20/04/2012 15:38

Bibbity you seem really stressed, there's obviously a lot more to this. Hope you're ok.
Fwiw I can see why your dh was annoyed but don't think that should have been directed at you, no, you should not be expected to be instantly contactable at all times!

Jux · 20/04/2012 15:39

Sorry bibbity, YABU. If you're a stay-at-home parent then you're the parent who does the childcare during the day, and that includes picking up sick child from school. It also includes looking after the sick child once he or she is home.

Otherwise you're just 'unemployed'.

Debeez · 20/04/2012 15:43

YABU. I don't see how having your mobile outside would have been a massive inconvenience to you or that if you had received the call the pick up your DC you would have waited 90 minutes before doing so.

Surely if both you and DH worked outside of the home and the call came through the person who would be inconvenienced least would have attended to DC?

Teeb · 20/04/2012 15:44

I do think the role of a sahp is to be there for emergencies with their children. I've read so many times on these threads 'I'm a sahp not a cleaner!' etc. So surely this would come under the umbrella of duties for the stay at home parent?

rookiemater · 20/04/2012 15:46

YABU

Mrsrobertduvall · 20/04/2012 15:50

So do all sahp's have to have their phone with them at all times?
I must have missed that in my sahm lessons.

Dropdeadfred · 20/04/2012 15:52

I think this is more to do with op's resentment of being taken for granted in general than today's episode...?

shakalakaboomboom · 20/04/2012 15:54

I think the important bit of your OP is that you are not appreciated for all the times you are there for this sort of thing. It's disproportionate to have a go at you if he has never been grateful for everything you do do.

Debeez · 20/04/2012 15:55

mrsrobertduvall I have mine at all times and I work. Nothing to do with being a SAHM.

In the old days we didn't have mobile phones, fair enough, now we do. We didn't have internet in the old days either, yet here we are sharing parenting advise with mothers all over the country. If you have something to make life easier, make use of it.

Bletchley · 20/04/2012 15:55

Sorry, YABU. I have your exact role. I take my phone into the garden with me. DH should no way have to come home for this.