Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get arsey right back when dh was arsey with me for being uncontactable by phone for 90 minutes?

327 replies

bibbitybobbitybunny · 20/04/2012 14:27

I am fecking livid and feeling extraordinarily sorry for myself all at the same time.

Basically, I sahm, and dh is self employed, works all over the place, random hours, goes away, no two days are the same sort of gig.

The dc are at primary school.

Anyway, nice day here, sun is out and I thought I'd make the most of it because there has been so much rain, with more to come, so I'd go out and do some gardening.

Meanwhile, school phoned here on the landline and on my mobile to say ds was feeling poorly and could I bring him home.

Well - I didn't hear those calls.

So they phoned dh and when he couldn't get hold of me either, he decided to leave work, come home on the bus (45 minutes) and collect ds from school.

When it started to rain and I came in from the garden, I picked up a call from school and said yes I'll come and get ds (we live 5 minutes walk away).

Met dh bringing ds home while I was on my way down to school!

Dh was very arsey with me for not having my mobile out in the garden.

I said fuxake, do I have to be at everyone's beck and call every minute of the chuffing day?

If I am not there to pick up the slack re. childcare then suddenly everyone is terribly inconvenienced, but does he appreciate me for being there to take care of this sort of thing normally? Does he my arse.

I really truly feel like fucking off on my own for a couple of weeks .

OP posts:
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 20/04/2012 14:28

YANBU

How the heck did people cope in the day's pre-mobiles?

lifesalongsong · 20/04/2012 14:31

I certainly don't think you need to be contactable for every minute of the school day but if I was the person having to leave work and catch a bus home only to find that the other person had already got to the school and I wasn't needed I'd be hugely pissed off.

TooManyOddSocks · 20/04/2012 14:32

I was going to say exactly the same as Hex. Yes in an ideal world you would have had your landline, mobile, pager, laptop and carrier pigeon in the garden just waiting incase the school contacted you, but on this occasion you didn't.
If you have the funds to fuck off for a few days I would do it. only because I am desperate for a day or 2 to myself but bank balance says no

nothingoldcanstay · 20/04/2012 14:35

YANBU.
Don't put DH phone number on list of contacts on school next time. Put a close neighbour or friend so that someone more accessible can help you out.

pjmama · 20/04/2012 14:38

Sorry but I can kind of see his point to an extent. If you have kids in school, I think you should make sure you always have your phone within earshot in case of emergencies. In this instance no harm done (except for a grumpy DH Grin), but I'd hate for one of mine to have an accident at school and for me to not be contactable. I'm a SAHM so I think it IS my responsibility to be able to get there quickly if needs be.

I think the issue of him taking you for granted is a separate one, which you should clearly give him a good slap for! Wink

redskyatnight · 20/04/2012 14:40

I think if DH was a SAHP but I had to leave work and make a lengthy trip home on the bus to pick up my sick DC I'd be fairly fed up tbh. Surely part of the point of having a SAHP is that they can pick up the slack for such occasions as these.

I think it's commendable that DH did go and pick DS up - I imagine lots in his situation would have left him at school until such time as you could be contacted.

BobblyGussets · 20/04/2012 14:41

It is just one of those things Bibbity. Of course you are peeved at being chastised for a consequence rather than the non-misdemeanor of neglecting to take your mob outside with you.

But of course, he is going to be fucked off, because I bet he was a bit worried about you as well as taking a chunk out of the working day.

I hope you can both chalk it up because both of you have reason to be annoyed now, but the only way out of it is to maybe say sorry to one another.

WibblyBibble · 20/04/2012 14:46

Well tbh it is a pain for him to be called out of work (presumably a longer journey to the school) for that, and as a sahp it is kind of your job to do the childcare during his working hours. However I think it's mainly the school that were BU because really, a child 'feeling poorly' can sit out in the nurses office or wherever until you can get in touch with the right parent, unless they had actually vomited or something it's not an emergency (have had multiple calls from school that were an emergency due to clumsy dd1, mostly they were from a TA saying "we're in the car/ambulance to the hospital, meet us there"! So they do have quicker ways of dealing with it if it is a real emergency).

LoveHandles88 · 20/04/2012 14:51

If I was a sahm, I'd see it as my responsibility to be contactable. If I was your dh I would be pretty peeved too.
I completely agree with redsky.

NiniLegsInTheAir · 20/04/2012 14:56

I do think YABU to a certain extent. I always keep my mob within earshot (at home, out and at work) as DH is a 2 hour train journey away, so if DD needs to be picked up him coming home isn't an option.

And you missed hearing 3 phone calls and were out of earshot for (presumably) at least an hour? I wouldn't be that far from my phone for that long personally, but thats me Grin

nothingoldcanstay · 20/04/2012 14:57

Why is he on the list of emergency contacts as you said he works all over the place. You won't put him on if he was away with the Army for instance?

Can see why he's pissed off but he shouldn't have put his number in. You could have been out of mobile area etc etc.

Anyway.Don't think you should go away over this. Save it for a row when he's actually in the wrong.Smile

toofattorun · 20/04/2012 15:01

Well I don't see how running away for a couple of days/weeks is going to help anything. Us mums have it hard I agree BUT wouldn't you WANT to be contactable and available to pick your child up from school as soon as possible?
I always keep the home phone AND mobile right next to me when I am at home because you never know when there might be an emergency. My DCs school called me a couple of months ago to come and collect my 5yo because he needed to get to a hospital ASAP after an injury.

It's so much about having a break - god knows you deserve one - it's more about the safety of your children. plus if I had to leave work and come all the way home I too would be pissed off to find my other half swanning about in the garden

thebody · 20/04/2012 15:01

You forgot to have your mobile on you, yes mistake but so what? Doesn't your dh ever fuck up. Think of an incident and quote it back.

Also if he works all hours it was nice for him to hook up with ds and do the school pick up. Silly sod. It's Friday, put sick child to bed( hope he ok btw) get wine and indulge hot bath after gardening.

thebody · 20/04/2012 15:02

Oh and as he's home now he can do the dinner!!

CailinDana · 20/04/2012 15:07

YABU. You're a SAHM, your main job is to look after the children. You can't just fuck off from your job when you feel like it. You're feeling underappreciated, and I get that, but I can't blame your DH for being annoyed - what's the point in you being at home if you're not on call for the children? You should have your mobile with you.

Original poster
bibbitybobbitybunny · 20/04/2012 15:08

Ha! dh has gone back to work. You wouldn't expect a workaholic like him to actually hang around and do any childcare would you, especially as he has his unpaid slave (me) to do it for him.

I am going to ask in the school office about why dh came home. Ds is not all that ill, they were trying to reach me from 11.30am to 1pm.

NORTY NORTY ME!

OP posts:
Teeb · 20/04/2012 15:09

Yes, I can see why he was pissed off too. Your job is to be the stay at home parent, and this was one of the tasks for the stay at home parent to do.

Original poster
bibbitybobbitybunny · 20/04/2012 15:11

I'm going to resign from my job then - am sick of it.

OP posts:
OneHandFlapping · 20/04/2012 15:11

Such things happen. Sometimes people don't hear mobile phones. I daresay it was annoying for your DH to have to rush home, but at least he did the right thing.

Neither of you is in the wrong exactly, but one of you has to be the first to make amends before a little thing becomes a big one.

I would just apologise tbh, and hope he would then do the same.

Teeb · 20/04/2012 15:13

I think that's fair enough op. If you were working too, then there should either be childcare provisions or it should be 50/50 for these incidents were one parent is called out from work.

Indith · 20/04/2012 15:13

I sometimes go out without my phone because hey, people managed before mobile phones.

Thing is, your dh didn't have to leave work. My dh wouldn't. Obviously if it was a "we've taken your child to A&E" sort of call he would but for feeling poorly he would tell the school that he was at work, I was probably at bf/toddlers/shopping and to try me again in an hour.

Mrsrobertduvall · 20/04/2012 15:14

Well I certainly am not contactable all the time. I am not permanently attached to my mobile.
My mother didn't even have a phone in the house.

We are all too paranoid about "what ifs".

Ds broke his collarbone at school...They took him to hospital as my mobile was off.

differentnameforthis · 20/04/2012 15:17

Well this is why I am a sahm, to make sure someone can be there in little to no time in case of emergencies.

Sorry, but I think YABU. Missing a couple of calls is one things, but being uncontactable for 90 minutes, whilst at home is another.

Original poster
bibbitybobbitybunny · 20/04/2012 15:19

Is that really the reason why you are a sahm? So that you can be called in to school if there is an emergency? Cripes.

OP posts:
cherrypieplum · 20/04/2012 15:20

It's a mistake and I can see why your DH would be pissed off if you are a SAHM. Isn't it sort og the point to be at the kids' 'beck and call' if they are ill?

Also Indith it's actually really hard having even a slightly poorly child in a classroom and having no one to contact. You have to leave someone with them in case they get worse and there is usually no comforting them as they need some calpol and a parent. It usually means a whole group of children missing out on a task while a teacher or TA dons some rubber gloves and mops up whatever poorly child has ejected.