to get arsey right back when dh was arsey with me for being uncontactable by phone for 90 minutes?

[bibbitybobbitybunny]

I am fecking livid and feeling extraordinarily sorry for myself all at the same time.

Basically, I sahm, and dh is self employed, works all over the place, random hours, goes away, no two days are the same sort of gig.

The dc are at primary school.

Anyway, nice day here, sun is out and I thought I'd make the most of it because there has been so much rain, with more to come, so I'd go out and do some gardening.

Meanwhile, school phoned here on the landline and on my mobile to say ds was feeling poorly and could I bring him home.

Well - I didn't hear those calls.

So they phoned dh and when he couldn't get hold of me either, he decided to leave work, come home on the bus (45 minutes) and collect ds from school.

When it started to rain and I came in from the garden, I picked up a call from school and said yes I'll come and get ds (we live 5 minutes walk away).

Met dh bringing ds home while I was on my way down to school!

Dh was very arsey with me for not having my mobile out in the garden.

I said fuxake, do I have to be at everyone's beck and call every minute of the chuffing day?

If I am not there to pick up the slack re. childcare then suddenly everyone is terribly inconvenienced, but does he appreciate me for being there to take care of this sort of thing normally? Does he my arse.

I really truly feel like fucking off on my own for a couple of weeks .

I can see both sides of this tbh, but I agree with whoever said there seems to be more to this. You seem to have a lot of resentment towards your DH and dissatisfaction about your situation.

He probably did over-react a bit by rushing home immediately if your DS was not all that unwell.

Ok, so school office say they did not ask dh to come and collect ds - as he was clearly not seriously ill, and they were planning to keep trying me. Infact, school did not speak to him at all, they just left a message on his phone. So he took it upon himself to leave work and collect ds.

((What on earth is "I do think it's unfair on the child untimately and the school. It is incredibly disruptive. Especially when 9 times out of 10 it's preceded with said child being herded through the door in the morning gleefully telling you they'd been sick that very morning, dosed up and packed off to school." that all about cherrypieplum?))

How about if dh had said "are you ok?" instead of "you went out without your mobile again didn't you?" when he saw me? That would have been more acceptable I guess. Rather than him being ARSEY because for one time in 11 years he was called in to school (and infact he wasn't called in to school, he was called by school) and I was uncontactable for 90 minutes. Perhaps one of you perfect sahms would like to come and apply for the job!

I'm still here rooting for you bibbity!

So you are regularly uncontactable?

I've had similar, although no child/school issue. I took to keeping my rented, £500 to replace if damaged, phone in my hand always , driving, washing up, hanging washing on the line, doing a poo, you get the picture. OH decided to accept that if I can't answer, I can't fucking answer, the world won't stop revolving

UANBU

I just think, if the working parent had made a late payment on a bill, that would be their responsibility because finances are their domain. Just as childcare (particularly during working hours) are your domain. As far as I'm concerned if the school are leaving a message on your husbands phone they aren't doing it for the fun of it or to have a chat with him, they are doing it for someone to come and collect the child.

Tbh, depending on what was the matter with your son your husband could have stayed at work/contacted a neighbour to pop to you?

Sorry to do a what if-but if neither parent were contactable?

I don´t have a mobile phone-so shoot me!

Sorry but I think YABU. If you are SAHM then why on earth should your DH be expected to 'pick up the slack'. He's probably too busy working to pay the bills, how selfish of him. I am SAHM and I see it as a job during weekdays-in evening and weekend it is both our job.

It is pretty annoying when people don't answer mobile phones anyway, why do you even have one if you don't check it now and then.

(hugs bibbity)

Bibbity I actually think your DH massively overreacted here. I often leave my phone off, out of battery or at home.

My DH would have rung the school, asked how DS was and told them to keep trying me if there was no emergency.

I would have given him several barrels if he moaned at me over something that was just one of those things.

Presumably she does check it now and again. She did!

"I just think, if the working parent had made a late payment on a bill, that would be their responsibility because finances are their domain."

Possibly in your relationship Teeb, but you are making an awful lot of assumptions.

My point - clearly too subtle for some - is that I do not think dh should have been arsey with me over this. 11 years of being the one always having to be available at the drop of a hat for my children and ONE time he is slightly inconvenienced and he is arsey.

The point is coming where I seriously am going to demonstrate how difficult his and the dc lives would be if I weren't here, because at the moment he doesn't have a fecking clue.

Out of interest, what are your reasons for being a SAHM?

I can see why you're cross of course; I can also see why your DH was less than overjoyed. The fact that there seems to be this level of angst about it from both of you (when it was just a simple mistake surely) suggests that there are wider issues here.

"why do you even have one if you don't check it now and then."

Hahahaha!!-OP did check her phone & did get the message!

"It is pretty annoying when people don't answer mobile phones anyway,"

Why?

I don´t answer my landline if I don´t want to/don´t recognise the number.

Ah ok your last post sort of confirms my last point, sorry.

OP's DH hasn't taken any responsibility for his mishandling of the situation. Yes he's annoyed to have come out of work, but he didn't have to, and it's not entirely OP's fault that he did. He should have called the school back before jumping on the bus. He's taking it all out on her.

She did check it!
And if we are making comparisons regarding working parents and bill payments, my dh has forgotten a bill once or twice but I don't make a song and dance about it. Shit happens, with the best will in the world you cannot legislate for every eventuality.

School phoned DH once to say someone was ill. He said, 'Poor dcname I'm in Mumbai'

I think it sounds like you are having a really shit time actually , feeling taken for granted. So although you are perhaps being a tiny bit unreasonable in this instance, YAprobablyNBU when it comes to being pissed off with your DH in general.

Maybe she is a sahm as her dh works such strange hours that she wouldn't be able to do a job that accommodated that?
That being said, wtf has that got to do with anything?

Yes, that´s it-he seems to be blaming OP for his mistake, doesn´t he?

It never occurred to me that as a SAHP I had to be on call during school hours.

I think we really need to know why your DH left work without contacting the school to see what was wrong with your DS. It does seem odd that we would down tools and take off there without finding out what was wrong.

Even if the message said we need you to come straight away we've been trying to contact bibbity for 90 mins he would have had the sense to ring the school and tell them he was on his way.

Is the problem that he's realised that he massively overreacted and is taking out his frustration on you? Not saying that makes it OK, just trying to understand why someone who you say is a workaholic would have left work.

I can't imagine my DH doing that unless the school message made it sound like the child was at death's door.

He didn't have to come out of work!

He panicked, took it upon himself to charge to the rescue and is now a bit embarrassed/ cross and is taking it out on Bibby.

So you stay at home and have responsibility for the children whilst your husband works outside the home and you are shouting your head off because your husband had to leave his job and do yours?

You're not on your holidays if you're a SAHM! You're staying at home for a reason!