to get arsey right back when dh was arsey with me for being uncontactable by phone for 90 minutes?

[bibbitybobbitybunny]

I am fecking livid and feeling extraordinarily sorry for myself all at the same time.

Basically, I sahm, and dh is self employed, works all over the place, random hours, goes away, no two days are the same sort of gig.

The dc are at primary school.

Anyway, nice day here, sun is out and I thought I'd make the most of it because there has been so much rain, with more to come, so I'd go out and do some gardening.

Meanwhile, school phoned here on the landline and on my mobile to say ds was feeling poorly and could I bring him home.

Well - I didn't hear those calls.

So they phoned dh and when he couldn't get hold of me either, he decided to leave work, come home on the bus (45 minutes) and collect ds from school.

When it started to rain and I came in from the garden, I picked up a call from school and said yes I'll come and get ds (we live 5 minutes walk away).

Met dh bringing ds home while I was on my way down to school!

Dh was very arsey with me for not having my mobile out in the garden.

I said fuxake, do I have to be at everyone's beck and call every minute of the chuffing day?

If I am not there to pick up the slack re. childcare then suddenly everyone is terribly inconvenienced, but does he appreciate me for being there to take care of this sort of thing normally? Does he my arse.

I really truly feel like fucking off on my own for a couple of weeks .

Shelly Tears of a Clown.

Debeez I understand what you are saying about learning from your mistakes, but I'll definitely never always have my phone on me, I'm lucky if I've got shoes on in a morning.

In this particular case, i don't think the reaction was much to do with the phone at all.

I can't even think of how to do that tune on here in words :)

no everlong, you're not, I hate the thought of not being contactable too

Bib - hope you are OK my love. At least you know there's lots of support on MN if you need it (Relationships not AIBU!!). Take care x

FWIW - he was being an arse, YANBU not to be contactable for every minute of everyday. DH could have exercised a whole lot of common sense before charging off and making a fuss out of nothing.

On the whole a SAHP should be reasonably contactable - an hour and a half for a child who was 'a little unwell' is *reasonably contactable. Most WOHP's would have done as Indith's husband would do.

It is still a 0.0001 chance that anything that serious would happen. Most of the time you get a call your child is faking it there is nothing seriously wrong.

The DH here should have had the grace to learn from his mistake or at least admit that he should have called the school to make sure it was a dire emergency before dropping everything. That he didn't make this call says to me that he doesn't normally have to do this sort of thing. A bit rich therefore for him to call into question the commitment of Bibbity. He should have called the school back, and he should have had an alternative number to call if neither he nor Bibbity couldn't go to school, a neighbour who could check up on Bibbity or who could go to the school him or herself.

Maybe he should accept that he over-reacted and did a silly thing, and said things that were hurtful and unnecessary, and wasn't as prepared as he should have been to deal with situations that involved his children?

I mean surely if you couldn't get a hold of your spouse, and you had tried and someone else had tried, wouldn't you have a neighbour check if she was lying unconscious on the kitchen floor or knocked out of action in some way? He could have killed two birds with the one stone - checked if Bibbity was ok, and alerted her to the school call, if he had cared and if he had been wise to the ways of children, sickness and schools.

Have read the whole thread. YABU without the smallest question.

omg Bibbers are you okay?

well of course not

as this thread unfolded I had NO idea where it was going. Blimmin eck.

"Good point. I agree he was unreasonable not to phone school back to see what the problem was."

Well this is the thing, there is for want of a better word "fault" on both sides.

That said-Bibbity didn´t deliberately go AWOL to piss people off-she was gardening & forgot her phone.

It´s unfortunate-most(?) couples would get over it.

It sounds as though, going by all your posts and the fact that you've decided to seperate that its far more deep seated than just this incident.

I do think YWBU I just keep thinking if it was me and DP at home, Id be through the roof. However, Id have probably held off on collecting the DC (since that was an option) and kept tryong to contact you a little longer. I expect he thought he was doing best by the DC though.

Aside from that, splitting is a huge deal and I really hope you're ok.

It would be very nice if grown adults could put aside their petty grievances in this 'me me me' culture, and take a moment to consider the impact separation could have on their children.

I won't hold my breath.

Thats a very hugr assumption. We have no idea what is going on in their relationship or why it has broken. This is more likely the straw that broke the camels back so to speak, you cannot know what went on before it.

So sorry to hear the latest.

FWIW I am with you 100%. You made a mistake. People do. It's a human thing. So did he, and reacted in a rather petty and PA manner to make a point. If this is something he does regularly I am not surprised this is the outcome.

I agree with you that you've done absolutely nothing wrong. However I dont blame your dp for being arsey about having to leave work either. I think you should maintain that you did nothing wrong but I wouldn't give him too much of a hard time tbh and it worked out well that he picked up his phone and sorted the situation. Afterall he will probably lose money / have to make up the work another day.

SF - I am sure the OP and her husband have thought long and hard about this.

Sf, do you honestly think they haven't? Or did you just fancy being snide?
How about we leave this thread now, I doubt its helping bibbity.

"Of course she didn't ( go in the garden to piss anyone off ) nobody has suggested she did."

So why was her husband so "arsey" was the point I was trying & failing to make.

It does sound as if this was the proverbial straw, I agree.

What a thoroughly unpleasant post SigmundFraude.

This thread has really fucked me off.

Firstly, to those who say that being a sahp doesn't pay the mortgage, I would like to add that in cases where the wohp has a job with long/irregular/anti social hours, having a sah partner enables them to do that job and therefore pay the mortgage. Anyone who has tried to get ad hoc childcare to cover irregular working hours will know that unless you've got family willing to help you out it is fucking hard to get (unless you can afford a nanny).

Secondly, while I agree it is primarily the responsibility of the sahp to do school pick ups, it is not solely her responsibility. PR doesn't stop when the wohp steps into the office. This is one of the reasons why I hate the phrase 'full time mum' - a parent is always a parent, whether they are at home or at work. So, if the sahp is indisposed (for whatever reason) it most definitely is the job of the wohp to collect a sick child.

I am a sahp (can you guess ) and I (gasp) occasionally leave the town where my children's schools are situated. Sometimes, I even go to places where mobile coverage is limited. Fucking shoot me now!

Bibbity, I am very sorry for your troubles and think your husband is seriously over reacting and behaving like an arse.

Sorry to hear the sad end to all this, bibbity. Hopefully whatever you decide to go will work out for the best in the future.

karma - genuine question, why do you care so much about what people think about your work status? I have worked outside the home, at home and not at all. At no time did I ever give a second thought to what anyone else's views on it were.

The most important thing is that you are sure you're doing the best for your family isn't it?