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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to get arsey right back when dh was arsey with me for being uncontactable by phone for 90 minutes?

327 replies

bibbitybobbitybunny · 20/04/2012 14:27

I am fecking livid and feeling extraordinarily sorry for myself all at the same time.

Basically, I sahm, and dh is self employed, works all over the place, random hours, goes away, no two days are the same sort of gig.

The dc are at primary school.

Anyway, nice day here, sun is out and I thought I'd make the most of it because there has been so much rain, with more to come, so I'd go out and do some gardening.

Meanwhile, school phoned here on the landline and on my mobile to say ds was feeling poorly and could I bring him home.

Well - I didn't hear those calls.

So they phoned dh and when he couldn't get hold of me either, he decided to leave work, come home on the bus (45 minutes) and collect ds from school.

When it started to rain and I came in from the garden, I picked up a call from school and said yes I'll come and get ds (we live 5 minutes walk away).

Met dh bringing ds home while I was on my way down to school!

Dh was very arsey with me for not having my mobile out in the garden.

I said fuxake, do I have to be at everyone's beck and call every minute of the chuffing day?

If I am not there to pick up the slack re. childcare then suddenly everyone is terribly inconvenienced, but does he appreciate me for being there to take care of this sort of thing normally? Does he my arse.

I really truly feel like fucking off on my own for a couple of weeks .

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 20/04/2012 22:54

wtf? really? bibbity, is this a good idea, all seems a bit heat of the moment
Are you OK?

StealthPolarBear · 20/04/2012 22:55

Obviously not, sorry.
Are you both still n the house?

DartsAgain · 20/04/2012 22:55

bibbitybobbitybunny Sorry to read your update, best wishes to you.

TheDetective · 20/04/2012 23:04

Are you sure this is what you want? It seems extreme - there must be more to this surely?

Do you want to chat?

rhondajean · 20/04/2012 23:06

Wow.

I didn't expect that.

Bibb, don't you want to sleep on it? It's late and it's been a stressful day pet.

Yama · 20/04/2012 23:07

Ach, Bibbity - I'm sorry to hear that. People need to feel appreciated. If your husband doesn't appreciate all that you do then I understand your hurt.

bibbitybobbitybunny · 20/04/2012 23:12

No, we are in final "can't believe your position on this" disagreement.

Calling it a day.

Sad
OP posts:
LeBOF · 20/04/2012 23:14

Oh shit, Bibs Sad

You must be in bits. I'm so sorry.

mynewpassion · 20/04/2012 23:14

This incident is likely the straw that broke the camel's back as the OP says that there have been problems for a long time now.

StealthPolarBear · 20/04/2012 23:16

How awful. What is it you really want? You're fed up with how things are - do you want that to change within your marriage, or do you want it to end?
You've recentlt had a really stressful time, did he support you through that?
At the moment, you probably want sleep. Any decisions that need to be made about the practicalities of this can wait until then. Do you have friends or family close by?

rhondajean · 20/04/2012 23:24

Aww Bibb I'm not minimising it but usually it's the kind of thing you would argue about at the time then both feel guilty/sorry about later (in this house anyway), there obviously is a massive back history to get here, we are all here when you need us.

Jux · 21/04/2012 00:45

Bibbity, so sorry.

nailak · 21/04/2012 01:15

Maybe a trial seperation would make him appreciate the work you do?

As for wohparents pay bills on time, well no actually they just earn the money, a lot of the calls, visits to bank, post office, and actual budgeting and control of money is done often by sahps.

GingerBlondecat · 21/04/2012 05:12

((((Big HUGS))) Bibbity

mathanxiety · 21/04/2012 05:38

YANBU fwiw at this juncture. I agree with StealthPolarBear's posts here.

Sorry things got to the point where this was the last straw.

LtEveDallas · 21/04/2012 06:00

Bibbity, I'm so very sorry. What a shite time you are having Sad. I hope it works out for the best - can't believe your DH won't even see your side - fucking hard being perfect isn't it?

I hope you got some sleep, things often look clearer in the morning. Be strong.

everlong · 21/04/2012 07:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 21/04/2012 08:13

That is very sad.

Hope you manage to work through it OK.

TheHappyHissy · 21/04/2012 09:28

If a H of mine took this stance then threatened separation, Tbh, I'd help him pack.

He has no right to be arsey with you. He stepped up and carried out one of the responsibilities of being a father. ONCE in 11 years. That ONCE speaks volumes about him.

Don't allow him to intimidate you. You didn't hear the phone. That is not a crime.

Being a SAHM clearly is a bottom of the chain of command position if some of the posts here are to be believed.

My X delegated every aspect of parenthood to me, resented being asked to do anything. Note he's an EX now.

I'm now a single parent (no change there then) I'm self employed and the only contact for my boy. So far the calls have come when I've been free, or just finishing up. But if I'd just started an appointment, he'd have to wait in sick bay till I could get there.

((((Bibbety))))

Ephiny · 21/04/2012 09:38

Sorry to hear this bibbety :( I don't 'know' you on here so not sure what the history is, but it was very clear to me just from your OP that there was more going on than just a one-off communication failure.

Maybe some good will come of this, now things have been brought to a head you'll be able to make the changes to your life that you need. I hope you manage to work things out with your H, but either way you'll look back on this incident as a turning point, hopefully one at which things started to get better.

knowwhenyouhavebeenbeaten · 21/04/2012 09:44

Wow, that has to be more to it than this. Sad

pictish · 21/04/2012 10:02

I cannot get over what a hard time the OP has been getting on here! Shock

Accusations of being a bad mother, resenting her children, not giving a fuck etc etc...and all because she went out in the garden without her mobile!!
This thread is typical bloody Mumsnet....poor OP makes a normal, could-happen-to-anyone mistake and she is told that she is a bad parent by scores of women who never do anything wrong ever, and can be held up as glittering examples of parenting perfection. Hmm

Bibbity - when I go out in the garden, I don't take my mobile either - I don't even think of it....so the exact same scenario could happen to me. My dh would be pissed off, but overall I know it would be sensibly hailed as one of those things.

I'm sorry you and your dh have fallen out so spectacularly over this matter - and I really hope you can sort things out over the weekend. xxx

Rindercella · 21/04/2012 10:07

I echo everything in Pictish's lovely post. Hope you're okay Bibbity.

diddl · 21/04/2012 10:09

"I cannot get over what a hard time the OP has been getting on here!"

I agree-not only did she leave her mobile in the house whilst in the gardenShock, but her landline can´t be heard in the gardenShockShock

everlong · 21/04/2012 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.