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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get arsey right back when dh was arsey with me for being uncontactable by phone for 90 minutes?

327 replies

bibbitybobbitybunny · 20/04/2012 14:27

I am fecking livid and feeling extraordinarily sorry for myself all at the same time.

Basically, I sahm, and dh is self employed, works all over the place, random hours, goes away, no two days are the same sort of gig.

The dc are at primary school.

Anyway, nice day here, sun is out and I thought I'd make the most of it because there has been so much rain, with more to come, so I'd go out and do some gardening.

Meanwhile, school phoned here on the landline and on my mobile to say ds was feeling poorly and could I bring him home.

Well - I didn't hear those calls.

So they phoned dh and when he couldn't get hold of me either, he decided to leave work, come home on the bus (45 minutes) and collect ds from school.

When it started to rain and I came in from the garden, I picked up a call from school and said yes I'll come and get ds (we live 5 minutes walk away).

Met dh bringing ds home while I was on my way down to school!

Dh was very arsey with me for not having my mobile out in the garden.

I said fuxake, do I have to be at everyone's beck and call every minute of the chuffing day?

If I am not there to pick up the slack re. childcare then suddenly everyone is terribly inconvenienced, but does he appreciate me for being there to take care of this sort of thing normally? Does he my arse.

I really truly feel like fucking off on my own for a couple of weeks .

OP posts:
Ephiny · 21/04/2012 10:21

Yes the OP has had a really hard time on this thread. Even if you think it was a mistake to not take her mobile out into the garden, surely all of us have made minor mistakes on occasion. The worst possible outcome here was that the child would have had to wait a few minutes longer to be picked up (they are minutes from the school and OP was already on her way when her H arrived home with the child).

Actually given his response 'you went out without your mobile again didn't you', I wouldn't be surprised if he rushed home like that to make a point, to 'punish' her for this supposed transgression. Which is not particularly nice behaviour.

StealthPolarBear · 21/04/2012 11:15

everlong, I was the person who pulled someone up on the "bad mother" comment, was in response to whoever said "some people care about their children so little they don't like it when they have to look after them". A huge, nasty leap IMO. I don't think it was you who said that but can't remember who.

everlong · 21/04/2012 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouAREworthIt · 21/04/2012 12:52

Bloody hell ShockSad. It really is the straw that broke the camel's back. Bib, is it what you want or is it him? Can we help?

TheFallenMadonna · 21/04/2012 12:56

Good lord. There are some

TheFallenMadonna · 21/04/2012 12:59

Oops.

There are some odd posts on here. I really hope a lot of it was just AIBU hyperbole, or I worry about some posters' sense of perspective.

Sorry you've reached this point bibbity.

Gooshka · 21/04/2012 14:46

I know bibbity BlushBlushBlush Grin. I definitely win the award for worst SAHM ever!!! Not helped by the fact that I'm now a paid TA in his school and get to hear things from their side about sloppy parenting etc. I just had to put it down to experience - I kept my phone on me at all times afterwards and ensured my contact records were up to date with the school. No point beating yourself up, we all make mistakes (most mums are perfect but some are just more perfect than others Grin)

Gooshka · 21/04/2012 14:57

So sorry Bibbi, posted my lighthearted emoticon-loaded response before reading all the updates on this thread. Hope you manage to work things out Sad

Ilovedaintynuts · 21/04/2012 14:59

I have just published my hospital's policy on use of mobile phones.
They are fine, just not advisable within 5 metres of heart monitors. The nurses and patients use them in ITU but move away from the machines.
The research about mobile phone use is clear that there is no scientific reason not to have them on. Some large teaching hospitals have the doctors communicating by mobile phone rather than bleep.

TheEpilator · 21/04/2012 15:21

I sense a bit of over-reaction from the "well you're a SAHM, its your job to be contactable 24/" brigade! I don't think OP is unreasonable at all.

I am part SAHM part self-employed. Sometimes I have the audacity to go swimming when DCs are all at school Shock rather than spending the entire day cleaning, cooking and scrubbing things so that the house is spotless for my precious DH when he gets home.

I don't take my mobile into the sauna & steam room pool with me. If the school ring me while I am in there (which could easily be an hour including a swim, sauna and shower) why shouldn't they try DH instead? And why should he not take a couple of hours out of his busy year to take care of his DCs once in a blue moon like he would have to do if we both worked full time?

TheEpilator · 21/04/2012 15:30

24/7

Charliefarlie1192 · 21/04/2012 15:32

YABU op, your ds had to take a bus 45 minutes, leave work early etc only to meet you on his way back from school- I would have been arsey with you too

BIWIWhoMustBeObeyed · 21/04/2012 15:38

Bibbity Shock

Really? Sad

ShellyBobbs · 21/04/2012 18:26

Hahaha, my god I thought I was on the Stepford Wife forum there for a while! Welcome to 1952 folks!

I'm a part-timer, but certainly wouldn't even dream of attaching the label 'part-time stay at home mum', I'm not. Up until a few weeks ago I loved nothing more than plodding into the gym about 9.30, then for a swim and then into the sauna and steam room. I'd usually surface and glance at my phone about 12.45, and that's if I remembered to look at the damn thing. I wasn't brought up with these awful things, I was forced to buy one when pregnant with my first 12 years ago, and it took me about 10 years to actually take it out of the house with me.

If they can't get me, then they phone hubby, if they can't get him then they phone my MIL who has had her mobile surgically attached to the side of her face (being a proper good mum, and she works!)

My DC's school phones up if they bump their heads, just to let us know. They also phone if they have been complaining about being ill, to ask us if they think they need to come home, they will also give us their recommendation (usually no, but we have to let you know).

From this, previous posters would certainly put me in the bad mum bin, but I'll tell you something, I'm one of the best mum's I know. When my younger daughter was little and the other 2 in school I used to take her swimming a few times a week, to activity centres where it is very noisy and to rural locations for walks where there wasn't a cat in hells chance of getting me on that phone, and I was a SAHM then. Shoot me!

ShellyBobbs · 21/04/2012 18:27

Oh and Bibbity, good luck x

StealthPolarBear · 21/04/2012 19:27

how are you doing bibs?

everlong · 21/04/2012 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDetective · 21/04/2012 21:06

I don't have anyone else available to pick my son up either.

I don't let it run my life!

One pick up - one - in 10 years of nursery and school! You can't live life on the what-ifs! Tut.

everlong · 21/04/2012 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDetective · 21/04/2012 21:12

Well that is fine, but that is a separate issue surely?

Debeez · 21/04/2012 21:14

Would you play us another song on your very own trumpet Shelly?

I don't see how this is being played out as a stay at home vs working outside of the home debate. I work outside of the home, I have an arrangement with employer where I'm allowed to check my phone in case my DC needs picking up. Working for an employer or within the home makes no difference.

No parent has superhuman powers, we can't be two places at once. But we can plan for when the shit hits the fan and do our best.

everlong · 21/04/2012 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShellyBobbs · 21/04/2012 21:17

My MIL wouldn't pick them up, she's in work and doesn't drive, she's on that list in case school needs to talk to someone. In saying that, I've not needed her to speak to them for the last 12 years and the times I HAVE missed calls off school I've phoned them back when I've picked up their message. It's ridiculous to say OP is a terrible mother for doing the terrible deed of being in the garden for 90 mins without a phone, whoever said it!

Don't all these children play out, out of your line of sight?

What will happen when these children go to senior school and have to get there by themselves?

ShellyBobbs · 21/04/2012 21:19

Debeez gladly, any requests?

Debeez · 21/04/2012 21:24

Agree Shelly not a terrible Mother, but isn't parenting about learning from mistakes? Looking at something and saying I could have done that better? AIBU can be a harsh experience, OP found that out, marriage breakdown on a public forum isn't something I'd like. But isn't the point to listen to the other side? Maybe accepting you've over reacted and are BU? OP wasn't keen on that.

I broke my wrist a few years ago and ran into the headteacher of my sons school in Xray. There with a child who had broken her arm getting xrays and a cast. Having my wrist moved about and casted wasn't pleasant, wouldn't have minded someone there with me to be honest. Headteacher couldn't get the girls parents. Was awful. I'd carry my phone 100% of the time on the 0.0001% chance that that could have been my son.