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Original poster

Step children staying overnight

368 replies

Lisa249 · 20/04/2012 11:16

At the moment my husbands 2 children aged 7 and 9 stay with us every other weekend. im currently 4 months pregnant. at the moment we are having to move house, but on the current market i struggling to find a house to cater my husbands office, new baby and 2 step children staying overnight every other weekend. Ive asked my husband if he can see is children once a week for the day instead of every other weekend and them staying overnight. My husband is adamant he wants the children to stay over night and doesnt agree with my suggestion. Im getting highly stressed looking for a house to cater for all his needs i.e his children, gym equipment and office. Do you think im being unfair in asking that the children dont stay over night? That way we will find a house quicker as we dont have to accomidate the children sleeping over.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 20/04/2012 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

toofattorun · 20/04/2012 22:57

You is one nasty selfish woman. Don't piss your husband off like that because his kids will always come before you.

saintlyjimjams · 20/04/2012 22:58

Blimey this was real? I honestly thought it was something having a laugh.

SerendipitousHarlot · 20/04/2012 22:59

Hahahaha @ the rest of us not knowing what difficult stepchildren are like Grin

You do what you have to do. It's fucking hard work, but if you really think that preventing your dh from having his own children to stay the night makes you a reasonable person - you are delusional.

Pumpster · 20/04/2012 23:01

Yes you were being unfair.

olgaga · 20/04/2012 23:13

Im getting highly stressed looking for a house to cater for all his needs i.e his children, gym equipment and office.

Well the cause of your stress is actually your budget, and your unrealistic expectations - not his children or his contact arrangements.

Why not just tell your DH to go on Rightmove or similar and see if he can find a house for your budget which matches his your requirements?

Go together to see Estate Agents in the area you're looking in to discuss your budget and what's available.

That'll wake him up.

However, you need to be prepared to shift up every other weekend whatever you can afford.

JingleMum · 20/04/2012 23:20

this cant be real? surely nobody is this vile?

your last post stating that the over night visits would stop if you didn't find a house to accommodate all needs made me sick. i actually feel really angry towards you OP.

i hope to god your DH is man enough to put you in your place and tell you to put up and shut up. they are his children, you silly woman. they come before you, end of. for god's sake it is every other weekend we are talking about.

if i were the mother of those children and i knew what you were doing i would make your life a living hell, believe me.

i know for a fact that if DP and i separated, no woman would ever, ever, ever come before DD in my DP's eyes. she is his world. if he wasn't this type of man then i wouldn't be sharing my life with him. same goes for me, my child comes first, i am a mother first and foremost.

be careful, you reap what you sow. change your attitude before it's too late.

Inertia · 20/04/2012 23:21

Can't see how I missed this solution before - if baby needs his / her own nursery and you need bedrooms for office and gym, then the answer is sofa beds in yours and DH's bedroom.

If they are children who struggle with the way in which they're brought up, do you honestly think it'll help if their father and sm reject them ?

olgaga · 20/04/2012 23:26

Ah well, OP has flounced off, I was late as usual and missed the bus...

nkf · 20/04/2012 23:27

It's a shame she's flounced. I bet she won't be able to resist checking in though. So it's still worth letting her know she's a selfish bitch. You hear that, OP.

Noqontrol · 20/04/2012 23:28

Lol, pick after themselves, my own children won't pick up after themselves, godammit. You can still build a relationship with those kids regardless of the mum not allowing it. Kids aren't completely stupid and they are open to 'positive influences'. You could attempt to be that when you have them to stay once a fortnight surely? But it sounds as though you care very little about them to me. If you love your man you should care about his kids, if not it would have been wiser to choose a man with no history. But your oh is the father to those children and you would be the step monster from hell if you didn't try to build a relationship with them. Stop being a pfb mother and consider those children who are you pfb's siblings.

Booette · 20/04/2012 23:29

Don't be so sure about them not wanting to see you when they are older. My stepkids are 22 and 19 and they still sleep over ours! It gets very squashed here with 9 of us in a 3 bed house but I wouldn't want it any other way. My boys love their older siblings.

I won't say it's been easy, because it hasn't, but there has always and always will be somewhere for them to stay.

ledkr · 20/04/2012 23:29

Bastard!

Maryz · 20/04/2012 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilQueenie · 20/04/2012 23:34

if you didnt want stepchildren then you shouldnt have chosen to be with a man that already had children. Dont think for one minute it is not your responsibility because it is they are part of your life like it or not.

Noqontrol · 20/04/2012 23:38

I like to think back to when I was a child and how I would have like to have been treated. I'm lucky my parents stuck together happily but it was quite rare in my class at school. So either the op is a really selfish thoughtless person who had forgotten what it's like to be a child, or yes she's a troll.

ChickenSkin · 20/04/2012 23:48

This is why I wouldn't get with a man who already had children. I know I couldn't tolerate someone elses kids in my house every weekend.

agreetodisagree · 20/04/2012 23:55

Lisa666

You have at least another 6-9 years of these kids.
If your patience is this shockingly shit now then God help you when the baby comes. You are well and truly fucked.

HTH

PurpleRomanesco · 21/04/2012 00:03

Difficult children?! Are you serious?!

These children know you dislike them. Why should they respect your when you don't give a fuck about them? By the way, You are part of how they are "brought up" you selfish person.

read some of squeakytoy 's posts, You could learn something about being a SP.

You may stop posting but I have no doubt you will read this. Leave those kids alone, As long as their father lives there that is their home too. Just as much as yours and whatever children you have. They are his babies.

pumpkinsweetie · 21/04/2012 00:14

Oh my lord op, you say his kids are bad behaved and trash your houseHmm(what kids are meant to do) get used to it because when your baby is born it he or she will also do the same Grin
Selfish, greedy, heartless, souless woman who has got it all to come and doesn't have a clue.
Im guessing your baby is going to end up being a stepchild pretty soon as if i were your H i would find someone else.
Its sad to think people like you still exist Sad

apachepony · 21/04/2012 00:49

I am a stepmother who stuggles. I deal. Part of me is oh, perhaps we should give leeway - pregnancy hormones. I had a weird experience - I was briefly prengant. For the period of the pregnancy I felt a resentment towards my sd that I never felt before or since. I bled all of my pregnancy and then miscarried - what scared me was that when I was pregnant I felt this resentment that just disappeared when I miscarried. Those hormones freaked me out completely. (although maybe it is because I knew my child was about to die so couldn;t deal with his other child at that time?)
BUT how could this woman say these things? A SM may find things difficult - it is our job to push through. If your man is a real man - if he is a real father - he will dump you. He will have no choice, if he is a good man.
Luckily I love my sd because she is is lovely. All I am saying is that a SM can have bad feelings but it is our job to hide them. You are an evil SM. It is so wrong to even consider doing what you're thinking of doing. And that is from a SM who has all the conflicted thoughts you might imagine.

ninah · 21/04/2012 00:52

is this for real?

exoticfruits · 21/04/2012 06:50

I think that perhaps it is for real because she is so young. Maybe she thought she could get married without being a family of four (soon to be 5). DCs are not conditional on whether they are well behaved. I t may be news to OP but they don't disappear at 18yrs! She has them for life. They are not going to bond while they know that they are baggage that she doesn't really want.

exoticfruits · 21/04/2012 06:56

Hopefully this will have made her think and realise that when the baby comes the other 2 need to be treated equally. No decent man is going to allow one of his DCs to have better treatment than the others. He can't possibly have one DC as family and 2 as visitors-and unwelcome ones at that.

wishiwasonholiday · 21/04/2012 06:57

Yabvu

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