Step children staying overnight

[Lisa249]

At the moment my husbands 2 children aged 7 and 9 stay with us every other weekend. im currently 4 months pregnant. at the moment we are having to move house, but on the current market i struggling to find a house to cater my husbands office, new baby and 2 step children staying overnight every other weekend. Ive asked my husband if he can see is children once a week for the day instead of every other weekend and them staying overnight. My husband is adamant he wants the children to stay over night and doesnt agree with my suggestion. Im getting highly stressed looking for a house to cater for all his needs i.e his children, gym equipment and office. Do you think im being unfair in asking that the children dont stay over night? That way we will find a house quicker as we dont have to accomidate the children sleeping over.

You're going to have to take something that will do in the meantime, until you find something that suits all of your needs. As you husband is adamant about a gym and needs an office and to cater for ALL of his children HE should pull his finger out and get looking for something suitable.

Re the different genders of your SDC, if they're only there every other weekend, it does not make sense for them to each have a room that would be empty more often than not. I think it's perfectly reasonable for them to share a room.

Pinkie - I definitely agree that there are other ways to do things but these children are used to staying the night with their dad. If that suddenly stops surely they will be hurt and upset and might affect the way they feel about their new sibling when he or she is born.

You would get on well with my stepmother OP. I am old and I still hate her.

Ah, but Silverfrog, you have to start as you mean to go on. Or draw a line in the sand. Or not make a rod for your own back. Honestly, that's what you have to do when you become a parent.

Life has many twists and turns, and presumably your DH could end up being the main carer for his children should anything happen to their mother. They may also want to come and stay with him for longer periods of time at some point in the future.

For whatever reason you are a three child family. You need to house yourselves accordingly.

Ok you have made it clear you don't care one little bit about your step chidren and your whole focus is your baby.

One of my most precious memories is of DSS (who would have been about 12 at the time) tucking DS2 (4) in and reading him a bedtime story, they were both snuggled in one bed and giggling away or maybe it's movie night Fridays with all 5 of us laid on our bed munching chocolate or everyone piling in our bed for morning cuddles.

These are type of memories of a normal family life will be cherished by my boys and you are taking the opportunity of a proper relationship with their brother and sister away from your child.

What about when it comes to going on holiday - will that be too inconvenient for your step children to come too or what abut Christmas, will they be in the way then?

FFS the OP isn't a selfish cow, by the looks of it she's been left to do the run around looking for a house that doesn't exist for the needs for HIS gym, HIS office, HIS children - all whilst pregnant. HE'S the selfish twat.

What happens OP when you tell him this house doesn't exist? How does he respond?

Personally I'd leave him to it and get a house for myself and the baby. Let him figure it out and consider taking him back when he's grown the fuck up. His problem, let him deal with it.

You sound horrible. Poor kids being lumbered with you for a step-mum.

While you're prioritising your baby I hope that your husband is busy prioritising his baby and his older children by finding a house to accommodate them all.

Without you.

Your suggestion is selfish and immature in the extreme. Your stepchildren were there before you dear, you knew what you were taking on when you married a man who had children.

Thats why I suggested she should dump the husband chicken.

Solves all the problems.

Holy shit! I've read it all now. Nothing to add but want to reiterate...op YABU.

Why's he a selfish twat? He wants to see his children and he wants room for a gym. We don't even know he's not helping with the move - that's been assumed but not confirmed.

The OP, it seems to me, is deliberately making this as tough for herself as possible - mostly because she doesn't really want the children staying over. There is no earthly reason why they can't share a room - but she's decided rather than that option, they'd have to have two separate ones (which means any house with five bedrooms (them, baby, SK1, SK2, gym) would be prohibitively expensive.

In actual fact, they could easily have a three bedroom house with a child-friendly dining room (and two good quality airbeds) or a three bedroomed house with a garage (which could house the gym eqpt and in the fullness of time be insulated etc to make it a better gym)

I'm not saying that she should have them stop staying the night, but I can understand why she says not all children spend the night with their parents.

Personally I can't understand why she married someone who had children as obviously does not care anything about her step children and will not facilitate a relationship between them and her baby.

I just think stability is what her stepchildren need and I don't think it sounds like thay will get it from their stepmum. It also sounds to me that her husband is being a selfish git and needs to decide what is more important a home gym or his children.

My dad did some great things with me as a child, but he was/is still a selfish bastard at times but that is a whole other storey. I do have a wicked stepmother but she has become more wicked the older I have become.

Surely when u married ur husband u knew u would be taking on his two children. Husband and dsc will resent you. Will cause major problems for u. Surely ur DC can go in ur room once a fort night.

Your husband vu. He needs to grow up and look at it in logical and practical manner

What if you and your dh split up? What if your baby couldn't stay overnight with his/her Dad?

I can't believe anyone would priortise gym/office space over a child.

Both you and your DH sound horribly selfish.

yes having a bedroom in their fathers house is symbolic, and lack of one sends them a real message!

YABVU, I think your attitude is a total disgrace. I just hope your husband can stand up to you on this.

3 bed house. Baby in box room when it's ready. 2nd bedroom made into guest/kids' room/office. Gym equipment in the main bedroom skip. There will be plenty of room there after all as the baby will be in its own room

The OP may be young - who cares knows. What she does sound is incredibly selfish. Don't know enough about her DH to comment on him.

OP, are you being completely honest when you say you cannot find a house that is large enough? Or are you calling your husband's bluff? And why do you only have a month in which to find one?

I assume you're looking for a new rental (otherwise the timescales wouldn't make sense) and that you've been given notice to quit. Move somewhere with enough room for everyone for now (taking into account that your baby doesn't need a nursery and that your two very young stepchildren can share), then find another larger place in a few years time. Or have one room for all the children, and have your baby come in with you on the nights your stepchildren stay, if you don't want them being disturbed.

It really is that simple, OP.

Your husband's fixation on his gym is no more selfish than your fixation on your baby having a nursery that they don't have to share once a fortnight.

I'm with you StrandedBear at the "she sounds young" crap older mothers to be can be equally selfish and clueless.

At first I felt a little sorry for the OP as her husband sounds demanding, but since she's come back said other stuff it sounds more and more like she doesn't want the DSC there and this housing siuation is the perfect way to solve her "problem" of them coming round to stay.