To ask DH to kern the amount of time he spends having a poo?

[Babylon1]

Honestly, he's made it into an art form and quite literally EVERYTHING he does is punctuated with a visit to the toilet, sometimes 5 minutes, sometimes upwards of an hour ?????

It really really pisses me off at times. Like tonight for example, DH are you ready to take me to the supermarket?? Yes dear I'll be two mins, just in the loo.......

We go shopping, we get back, DH can you please bring upstairs the 3 baskets of washing I have washed dried and ironed today? They're quite heavy and I'm 39+4....... Yes dear I'm just on the loo but I'll bring them up before workmate gets here to go through various quotes.......

20 mins later, ding dong...... Toilet flushes, DH let's in workmate.

It's ok DH, I've just changed a kingsize bed all by myself, I'll carry the washing up on my own now........ Grrrrrrrrr!!!!

Is this a man thing or just my man???? What I wouldn't give for 10-15 x 30 min toilet breaks every day (averaged out obviously)!!

Sounds like he needs an appointment at the GP to be honest. Or you could help out at home with a glove and some KY.

Does he read?

My DP does do this, but not to such extremes. You need to remove all reading material from bathroom / loo, and try to intercept him to ensure he takes nothing in with him.

Otherwise, is he having trouble? More fibre, or just more hydration, could help?

Kern?

39+4 you say? Hmm! Sounds like The Arse to me! Quick! Hot water! Towels!

He takes his iPhone if that helps

No issues needing GP, I think he uses it as an excuse - I can't possibly ask him to do something if he's having a poo!

I actually don't think he realises he spends so long in there! But if I mention it, flippin' 'eck!!!

He needs medical attention. That really really isn't a normal amount of trips to the toilet.

He's got a kindle or iPhone hidden in the cabinet

It'll get worse once you have the baby

As soon as there's a nappy explosion he'll be in the loo

@BumpingFuglies, should've been kerb! Stupid spell check auto correct thingy!!

I'm suggesting that you make him an appointment for the GP because he might then stop doing it.

He takes his iPhone if that helps

I knew it!

What does kern mean please?

Oh!!! You mean curb! I seeee....sorry

Yep it's an iPhone issue then!! I need to remove the iPhone from him before he enters the bathroom!!

He's wanking in there.

Yep BumpingFuglies, curb sounds right to me!!!! Stupid baby brain and auto correct!!!

Why is he using his iPhone in secret though? Do you frown at him when he's on it?

Er, yes, agree with CrispyCod
Maybe it's a stress thing? Men always wank when they don't know what else to do :)

@CrispyCod, I did that for him this morning

If he's doing it that often, I think I'll sign him up for local sperm bank donation thingy!

My "D"H does this too.

It's got to the point where I have almost posted on MN about it several million times.

I have told him, on several occasions, that he needs to go to the doctor about it. Yes, he's reading in there, but he claims that defecating takes hours and that's why he needs something to read ....

He definitely spends an hour per weekday trying to have a shit (when he's at home; heaven knows how much longer he spends on the loo at work) and at least 2 hours per day at the weekends. Sometimes an hour AT A TIME.

I'm sure it's his diet. He eats LOADS of protein. And drinks masses and masses of diet coke. He's a big bloke and I think he consumes far more protein than is healthy.

Urgh I hate it. It's rude and antisocial (while he's sitting behind a locked door for hours on end he's not participating in family life), it's expensive (he has broken at least 5 loo seats - he's 6' 3" and weighs 16 stone) and the constant farting is, frankly, insulting. I don't want my house to stink of farts. We have a large house and it he farts/dumps in the downstairs loo you can smell it throughout the house.

Can I issue and ultimatum: Go to the GP or I'll leave you??!!

Hi

Are you married to my DH?

Exactly the same. He has been known to take calls/make calls whilst on the porcelain horse. Same also in that we will be going out, all waiting at the bottom of the stairs....five mins later at least..oh sorry as he is pulling up his keks..and my very fave was yesterday night- I am waiting with supper ready on the table, shout him, get on with it..ten mins later cold tea as he has been having a dump, clearly of epic proportions.

And yes, he does have problems. Tho he wont admit to them.

He leaves the loo like there has been a poo explosion in there.

@Gumby

No secret he's using his phone, it's either eBay browsing or iTunes or one of his many driving games etc etc! Sometimes he's just listening to music on it.....

Babylon
@CrispyCod, I did that for him this morning

YES!!!! I am not alone!! Thank god for that!!!

So now we need a new thread for toilet widows!!!

Oh and lol @ porcelain horse - I've never heard that before!!