To ask DH to kern the amount of time he spends having a poo?

[Babylon1]

Honestly, he's made it into an art form and quite literally EVERYTHING he does is punctuated with a visit to the toilet, sometimes 5 minutes, sometimes upwards of an hour ?????

It really really pisses me off at times. Like tonight for example, DH are you ready to take me to the supermarket?? Yes dear I'll be two mins, just in the loo.......

We go shopping, we get back, DH can you please bring upstairs the 3 baskets of washing I have washed dried and ironed today? They're quite heavy and I'm 39+4....... Yes dear I'm just on the loo but I'll bring them up before workmate gets here to go through various quotes.......

20 mins later, ding dong...... Toilet flushes, DH let's in workmate.

It's ok DH, I've just changed a kingsize bed all by myself, I'll carry the washing up on my own now........ Grrrrrrrrr!!!!

Is this a man thing or just my man???? What I wouldn't give for 10-15 x 30 min toilet breaks every day (averaged out obviously)!!

Nah, it is just a good place for a bit of peace and quiet.

Anyone want an update? You're getting one anyway, sorry.

I literally frisk-searched DH at the bathroom door yesterday and found his phone. He was in and out in about 5 minutes, and afterwards said, "well there was nothing to do in there but do a poo." Well, YES, that's the general idea.

What a result. Take heart, widows. Now I just have to continue the phone removal without a major rebellion. hmmm.

Hooray!!!! Well done on taking one for the team :o

My OH does this also with his iPhone - he's playing Zombie Farm although he denies that. :)

It normally gets worse when we have all 6 of our kids

My Dh does this - phone into the loo, or a book. He wants a bookshelf installed in the loo. I told him he could have one along with his decree nisi.

Just switch off the modem. Bloody smart phones.

A fellow poo widow here too. Was a nightmare when we only had one bog, but I've now declared the ensuite mine and the bathroom his. Yet still, he 'prefers' to shit in the cloakroom bog and therefore the smell wafts throughout the living room. WTF? Use your designated loo miles away from other humans!

Also get the whole 'I'll just be a minute' when we've got our shoes on and half way out of the door to go food shopping or to the beach or whatever. Means I go and sit back down on the sofa and read 3 chapters of my book. Every. Fucking. Time.

I think it's just a man thing. My husband can spend ages having a poo or whatever he is doing in there. Really annoyed my big time once we had the baby. I just had to hold it in often or do speed pooing as, as a mum I didn't have the luxury of leisurely poos with a newborn howling or toddler getting up to god knows what.

Well done FuriousRox!!

We will defeat them all in the end!!

I turned the modem off today but it didn't make a great deal of difference :(

Any biologists out there? Dh reckons men's digestive systems are different, that's why they need longer.

I think this is bollocks.

However, I do send the toddler in to see him, so he can see what I have to put up with.

DH does this - I can wait for up to an hour and it stinks - and we only have a downstairs :( I am sure there is something wrong with him! I take three minutes max!

Some people are actually nervous pooers, and need time to "psyche themselves up" before the act! A possible explanation for a few?

this is hilarious!!! If he takes his laptop in there he's playing computer games. Guaranteed!

I woke one morning with urgent need to go to the toilet,(we only have one bathroom)

DP had been on night shift,I was not aware of the time.

I burst in the toilet to see him sitting, pants at his ankles, laptop on his knees, iphone plugged in, doing some sort of itunes update!!!

He was told to get out asap, or there would have been a puddle on the floor, Also after checking the time, he had been in there for 45 minutes!!!

He is concerned that i am quick, Also I can shower and wash hair in about 10minutes, how on earth does it take him 30/45 minutes in the shower??? he is constantly late!

DP does this twice a day. He's gone for 25-30 minutes every time. He says he likes it, it's relaxing, his personal time and he reads/plays on the laptop (takes it up with him)/plays Sodoku.

Pain in the arse.

My husband takes ages too. Its so annoying! This thread has made me smile though.

Just remembered DP has also been caught on laptop, first thing in the morning with headphones in watching transformers cartoons!!!

Seriously what is wrong with them?

Luckily DH is a functional pooer.

My dad would spend ages there. My mum banned all reading material from the loo. She said it was unhygenic and common.

I now realise it was to try to stop my dad occupying the loo for hours but I still judge people who have books in the loo or take in phones.

She'd frisk him for the Daily Mirror at the door and thought she'd solved it when he never had it on him. She was terrifying in her rage the day she found that he'd been hiding it under the lino in advance.

Like someone else here who was talking about her DH's horrible poo accident at school I think my dad got it into his head that he should always have an empty bowel.

He freaked out when my mum wanted the separate loo and bathroom knocked into one saying: 'What if someone (me) is ill?' She went ahead regardless.

It wasn't just because it was inconveniencing everyone else. She was actually worried about him. He suffered from terrible piles that would bleed copiously and unexpectedly. I'm talking about ruined trousers while out. How could that be better than having an upset stomach occasionally?

I can't believe I'm discussing my dad's bottom

This thread has made me lol so much I have tears in my eyes!!!

My hubby is exactly the same so I too am a crap widow-lovely. The time 'he has to go' which infuriates me the most is when we are at the airport & the bloody boarding has been announced, ffs I'll just deal with dd & ds then shall I whilst you rush off for the crap you're clearly desperate for but didn't need 5 or 10 minutes ago

YANBU.
My DH does this, only a couple of times a day though, I once asked him why it takes him so long to poo (upto an hour sometimes) He says it is because he actually doesn't have the urge to go but he feels he must go, once in the morning and once in the evening even if he doesn't need to, so spends a good portion of the time pushing
I am not actually sure it is possible to do it that way but that was his excuse. I call it a Man Poo I just don't understand it though, I go when I need to go and am in and out in a matter of minutes unless I am ill.

This is what I don't get ??? Woman feels need to poo, goes and poos and is done in 5 mins including washing hands right??

Man has NO URGE to pop, but thinks he should do goes and sits there til gravity gets the better of said poo and mr hanky makes an appearance!

But why?????

Poo not pop

I feel for you. Everytime we go out me an 2xDc get dressed ready fresh nappy or wees etc then just as we are about to go go out the door DH says he needs to go to the toilet first. 20-30 minutes of us all sitting there waiting fully dressed to go out -annoying as hell !

I've just had a flash of insight

Man was not made to look after kids as they are unable to be available 24/7 due to their bowels

They can however adapt if necessary, the only way to train then to spend less time on the loo is for them to be stay at home dads