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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH to kern the amount of time he spends having a poo?

158 replies

Babylon1 · 19/04/2012 21:59

Honestly, he's made it into an art form and quite literally EVERYTHING he does is punctuated with a visit to the toilet, sometimes 5 minutes, sometimes upwards of an hour ?????

It really really pisses me off at times. Like tonight for example, DH are you ready to take me to the supermarket?? Yes dear I'll be two mins, just in the loo.......

We go shopping, we get back, DH can you please bring upstairs the 3 baskets of washing I have washed dried and ironed today? They're quite heavy and I'm 39+4....... Yes dear I'm just on the loo but I'll bring them up before workmate gets here to go through various quotes.......

20 mins later, ding dong...... Toilet flushes, DH let's in workmate.

It's ok DH, I've just changed a kingsize bed all by myself, I'll carry the washing up on my own now........ Grrrrrrrrr!!!!

Is this a man thing or just my man???? What I wouldn't give for 10-15 x 30 min toilet breaks every day (averaged out obviously)!!

OP posts:
MrsMcEnroe · 19/04/2012 22:32

Yes Babylon I know what you mean.

Good luck with your impending baby! Smile Hope your DH manages to refrain from running out of the delivery suite to have a shit just as the head crowns ....

fullofregrets · 19/04/2012 22:33

Mine is the same.
It especially drives me mad on holidays. I'll be up with DS at 7.30, DH will drag himself out of bed about 9.30 and then spend 45mins in the toilet whilst DS and I are desperate to go out and enjoy ourselves.
I think to myself, you manage to get up, get dressed and have a poo before 8.15 on works days. Why does it take you 45mins to poo on weekends and holidays. Often there are multiple visits. The peak day accumulated over two and a quarter hours on the toilet. He takes his iPad and iPhone with him. It drives me up the fucking wall. It is blatantly to avoid having to do anything.

PacificDogwood · 19/04/2012 22:34

He'll get his comeuppance, don't worry: too much time spent on the loo will give him piles. And poor anal tone. Which leads to faecal incontinence.

'Tis all try - say DH who is a bowel surgeon and who will chase our boys off the loo if he feels a 'session' has gone on too long. No reading material allowed in this house - the boys have their Nintendo DSs banned from the loo Grin.

modelesque · 19/04/2012 22:34

Why dont we just take to the toilet with an iPhone for 15 mins at a time? They can hardly argue about it!

PacificDogwood · 19/04/2012 22:34

It is all bloods true, not try, although trying of course... Blush

NatashaBee · 19/04/2012 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

modelesque · 19/04/2012 22:36

Mmm after reading Pacificdogwoods post maybe not :)

Gumby · 19/04/2012 22:38

Why dont you poo windows say

Darling husband you can use your iPhones & iPads whenever you like, don't feel the need to hide in the loo

I'd rather be an iPhone widow than a poo widow Grin

Gumby · 19/04/2012 22:39

Ha ha @ poo windows Blush

Gumby · 19/04/2012 22:40

He'll get his comeuppance, don't worry: too much time spent on the loo will give him piles. And poor anal tone. Which leads to faecal incontinence.

So not only do you have to put up with it now but you'll be wiping their arses for them too?!?
A life literally full of shite

AnonyMaw · 19/04/2012 22:42

My DH always used to go to the toilet on weekday mornings, just as the kids got out of bed. Typically we'd all leave the house at 0730 to go to work, kids to childminder. He'd stay in the toilet just until I was herding the kids out the door on the way to the childminders, thereby avoiding the whole sorry morning pantomime, you know the way it is "Please, please, just put your shoes on" etc.

I now have got it sorted, we have an arrangement where DH drops the kids off in the morning, I finish work earlier to pick them up, so I slip quietly out before anyone else is awake, it's his responsibility to get the kids out. Funnily enough he no longer seems to need 45 mins in the toilet.

Wrongmoreoftenthannot · 19/04/2012 22:47

I have a DP that does the same thing, every morning at least 30 mins then through the day when he's needed to do something, very usual to get back from the supermarket and he's unavaliable for 20 mins so I can put everything away.... He also has an iPhone that he takes with him.

I feel your pain OP

MrsMcEnroe · 19/04/2012 22:49

My DH isn't using his iPhone while he's on the loo.

He's reading the newspaper.

I am very tempted to remove all the loo roll and hide it. Then he'd find a use for his bloody newspaper wouldn't he?

ratspeaker · 19/04/2012 23:09

Dh doesn't hog the loo so I'm not really a crap widow but I'd like to be an honorary member of the sisterhood.
When DH has had a drink he will disappear
all is quiet
Then we will hear the snores from the bathroom.

Metbird · 19/04/2012 23:21

Sadly I got one of these too..so sign me up! Every morning, just as its getting frantic with the kids...off he disappears...forever...with a book. And at exactly 30 sec to go before we have to leave the house he appears in the kitchen shouting that its time to go and we are now running late...Angry

Can't mention it though...just get silent treatment.

Please send me the application.

IShallWearMidnight · 19/04/2012 23:26

so how many times a day is considered "normal" then? DH will go four or five times a day, but not for half an hour at a time thankfully otherwise hed get no work done. I've gently suggested that more than twice a day needs a GP to have once over (as it were Wink) but he's ignoring that.

MrsMcEnroe · 19/04/2012 23:42

Well I poo once a day (sometimes twice; occasionally I miss a day). I assume THAT'S normal...???!!!!

MrsMcEnroe · 19/04/2012 23:43

Oh and it just takes a few minutes including hand-washing time...

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/04/2012 05:07

I have the answer fellow Crap Widows. I have taught DD has learnt to knock on doors. It is her best trick. Now, because it's fun, she does does it on the toilet door, laughs maniacally, knocks again, babbles dadadadada, knocks again and repeat over and over until DH gives up. I will hire her out for fifty quid an hour.

ErikNorseman · 20/04/2012 06:38

Once or twice at the most I reckon. These blokes going 5-10 times a day, sorry but there is a problem there! Constipation, or weak muscles or something. God how awful if shitting was such a huge part of your life! I'd be so depressed. 5 mins in and out is normal. Can't understand sitting there for hours on a phone either. Sitting in a fug of shit smell with a dirty arse? No thanks, not exactly relaxing Hmm

Pitmountainpony · 20/04/2012 06:50

Oh...well do not let him discover that stupid drawing game on Facebook....

Yes my dh slips off for vacation poos....drives me crazy....he has to have the I pad.....I now hide it to speed defecation up.
I guess ut is his escape and me time....very irritating.

GeekLove · 20/04/2012 07:01

I was a crap widow when I was a student and dating Twatface. He'd go 4-6 times a day and take ages. He also had issues since he'd get irate whenever anybody mentioned it. He'd always need to have a poo whenever we were going out or we were about to have lectures songs was always late. He use to cough to hide the plops too.
I reckon if he was less uptight he'd have been a lot better off. We made jokes like "it's the 9'oclock Poos with your host Twatface. The main headline is the critical bog roll situation!"

GeekLove · 20/04/2012 07:03

So was always late!

Original poster
Babylon1 · 20/04/2012 07:14

Over 30 mins in there already this morning! I waiting for a shower!!!!

OP posts:
CarpeJugulum · 20/04/2012 07:24

sorted mine

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