Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that people having affairs

289 replies

InappropriateCrushes · 19/04/2012 13:19

Is very very rife. Made so much easier with social networking sites, mobiles and email.

People I know, friends, friends of friends, colleagues, everybody is at it, or at least flirting, or sexting, or on the brink of something they shouldn't be.

It's not right, I know, I'm not saying it is. On the relationships forum there are so many threads from heartbroken women whose partners have cheated, but it got me wondering; who are they cheating with? That someone could be you or me. We're naice girls, it doesnt make us evil or detestable, does it?

OP posts:
bronze · 19/04/2012 13:20

Not everybody

I think though it is common, we hear about the cheaters on mn more than we hear about the faithful

SeaHouses · 19/04/2012 13:22

I don't know anybody who is cheating (maybe they just don't tell me though). I don't know anybody whose marriage or long term relationship has ended as a result of a partner cheating.

knowitallstrikesagain · 19/04/2012 13:26

To use SeaHouses' words:

I (also) don't know anybody who is cheating (maybe they just don't tell me though). I don't know anybody whose marriage or long term relationship has ended as a result of a partner cheating

who are they cheating with? That someone could be you or me

It could me you. It couldn't be me. I don't cheat.

If everyone you know is cheating, maybe it is more about the people you mix with than the general population.

Callisto · 19/04/2012 13:26

I don't know anyone who is cheating either. I know someone who had an affair but he ended it and seems to be happily married still. I also think that while the cheater is loathesome, the person he/she cheats with is pretty reprehensible too. And not 'naice' at all.

I guess you're the other woman/man, OP?

Cherriesarelovely · 19/04/2012 13:26

I went through a phase of feeling like that OP. At one point 2 of my friends were having affairs and another was on the brink but fortunately didn't. I found it really hard to be around them to be honest. The thing that shocked me was the lack of guilt they seemed to feel. It really bothered me.

knowitallstrikesagain · 19/04/2012 13:29

It could be you.
yy Cherries, also get the impression OP is the OW.

Birdsgottafly · 19/04/2012 13:29

To, some, if you deliberately target anyone (male or female), in a relationship, then you are detestable.

It may take two to tango, but all relationships and people have times of vulnerability and i have known peoplewho are in a much better 'place' to take advantage of that, regardless of who the fall out will damage.

IAmBooyhoo · 19/04/2012 13:32

i've never cheated. i know people who have cheated but none of them are in my close circle of friends and TBH it was rumours that they had cheated rather than them confirming or admitting it so i can't 100% say what their true stories are.

i'd say it's likely that if someone is cheating then they aren't telling everyone they know so it could be alot more common than i think but from the close friends i have (who would tell me) i dont think it is that common.

Pagwatch · 19/04/2012 13:35

I only know of one friend who has been having an affair. Her marriage broke up and suddenly the men she was shagging were not interested anymore.
She had to leave her home and uproot her children and is now pretty miserable.
I think it all seemed ever so exciting but the reality of the fall out is pretty fucking miserable.

It couldn't be me. I wouldn't have an affair.
But i think life is complicated and people make odd choices. We are all human and frail and all that.

I do think your Op is shite though. I think suggesting it is rife and everyone is doing it is just justifying what you chose to do. It seems defensive and disingenuous to me.

If you think it is fine why woukd you need to pretend that everyone else is doing it too?

Toughasoldboots · 19/04/2012 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
InappropriateCrushes · 19/04/2012 13:44

I'm not the OW/OM. I was just making an observation.

Pagwatch I never said it was fine. I'm sorry you think my OP is shite.

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 19/04/2012 13:45

what seahorses said, the people I know of are

my boss, and my ex-mate (together)
my friends mate
my friends sister

thats it! you'd think there would be more out there, and people KNOW when there is dodgy shit

in general I think people who cheat are cunts, I really do. make or female

NurseJennyLee · 19/04/2012 13:46

OP do you work in guest services on the Jeremy Kyle show or something?

Tomorrow on Matthew Wright... 'The increase of affairs due to social networking'.

porcamiseria · 19/04/2012 13:47

I stopped being friends with someone as I found out she had been fucking our boss
when both were married

It made me angry. His wife suffered a tragedy, and she out her family through shit

I still work with the boss, but we are NOT close now. he knows I know I think

everlong · 19/04/2012 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 19/04/2012 13:47

Well only a bit shite. I just don't think it's true. The idea that everyone is at it just always suits people who shop lift, have affairs, don't declare income etc etc. It's just a bit convenient iyswim

Original poster
InappropriateCrushes · 19/04/2012 13:47

Grin at NurseJenny

OP posts:
knowitallstrikesagain · 19/04/2012 13:47

there are so many threads from heartbroken women whose partners have cheated, but it got me wondering; who are they cheating with? That someone could be you or me. We're naice girls, it doesnt make us evil or detestable, does it?

This is what you said. Although you stated that you don't think an affair is 'right', you then went on to say that any of us could do it, even though we are 'naice'. Some of us are pointing out that we consider ourselves nice, and we wouldn't do it.

SaraBellumHertz · 19/04/2012 13:48

I don't know anyone in my circle of friends who is cheating but I don't suppose anyone but my closest friends would confide.

On the other hand virtually every man I have worked with has been a cheat whether that involves full blown mistresses or making drunken passes on nights out, so I've often wondered who they are all doing it with Confused

Original poster
InappropriateCrushes · 19/04/2012 13:49

I see what you mean Pagwatch.

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 19/04/2012 13:50

i agree pag
if you normalise it, it makes it OK

I also dont agree that "oh people are at, and you dont know". you can easily sniff out this kind of shit . you can generally tell (a)cheaters and (b) very unhappy relationships

anyway!

NurseJennyLee · 19/04/2012 13:50

Am I right? Grin those people on Jezza are always at it behind one another's backs.

Ahem, so I've read.

I personally don't know anybody who has had an affair or whos relationship has been affected by one. Not that I know of anyway.

JingleMum · 19/04/2012 13:51

i agree with you OP, it is made easier with social network sites particularly.

what starts out as an innocent message can turn into flirting very rapidly. i guess it's exciting?

facebook and the like has alot to answer for. people say you can't blame social networking sites, if the person was going to flirt/have a one night/have an affair etc.. they would do so anyway. i'm not so sure i believe that.

Callisto · 19/04/2012 13:52

I do actually think that social networking makes it easier for people to have affairs, but I think that these people are fairly low-life to begin with and would have gone on to have an affair anyway.

OP, it sure as hell sounds like you are trying to justify yourself, whether or not you perceive yourself to be the OW/OM.

EdithWeston · 19/04/2012 13:52

It may or may not be rife. But even being widespread would not make it all right.