To think that people having affairs

[InappropriateCrushes]

Is very very rife. Made so much easier with social networking sites, mobiles and email.

People I know, friends, friends of friends, colleagues, everybody is at it, or at least flirting, or sexting, or on the brink of something they shouldn't be.

It's not right, I know, I'm not saying it is. On the relationships forum there are so many threads from heartbroken women whose partners have cheated, but it got me wondering; who are they cheating with? That someone could be you or me. We're naice girls, it doesnt make us evil or detestable, does it?

Agree with the comment about wealthy high flying men in their forties - see that a lot. I couldn't help but notice that the majority of the partners in DH's previous company were busy ditching starter wives in favour of a shiny new younger models from the PA pool. Most depressing.

Personally blame the men, but on the other hand there were some fairly ruthless women working there, who were obviously looking for a rich husband, and if he was already married with kids, so what .

I was one of those, 'my man would never, of course he can have female friends, I trust him.' But, guess what, he would, he couldn't have female friends and I was wrong to trust him.

Le Queen, I completely agree with every word you said.

It doesn't even matter whether those vows haven't even been said. When you enter a relationship, unless otherwise agreed upon, you are committing to each other to be faithful, and to love and respect that person. By then going jumping someone else just because you feel low, or unhappy or whatever, is completely disrespectful. As soon as you recognise there are problems, confront them, WITH your partner. Then decide whether to stay or not. If you go your seperate ways, then bed who you wish.

LQ not in the perfect world no

but having an affair outside of a relationship is not living in the perfect world, like i said before you do things you never ever thought you would do. no one who loves their partner thinks they would lie to them but it does happen and i have seen it happen in the relationships i thought were the most solid (and my friend did too) and in those i am not surprised at

I agree LeQueen. As well as "talk to your spouse about any problems" I would also add "and if there is any other person you find attractive, keep a very large distance".

It's amazing how often you see on MN a thread which starts "I feel like I don't love my DH any more"... and 95% of the time the next paragraph says "and there's this other man I've met."

It's a lot easier not to have an affair if you take a conscious decision not to spend any time with the person you are finding yourself attracted to, and concentrate on your spouse instead. This is why I never buy the whole "it just happened" line. It is always possible to walk away.

Yes, i agree with that too minipie as it's not exactly unusual to find other people attractive or for them to find you attractive but usually it's just infatuation.

If you can't be happy and honest in a relationship then obviously that relationship is unhealthy. Rather than carrying it on whilst sleeping with somebody else (which is a recipe for disaster) wouldn't it be better (and more respectful) if you either worked at it so you can be happy and honest, therefore making it a healthy relationship, or go your separate ways?

And I am talking from experience. Me and my partner went through a really bad patch. I was VERY low, and got one bloke constantly showing me attention which did play havoc with my mind but that only made me realise that something had to be done, and continuing the relationship the way it was, then giving in and sleeping with somebody else was NOT the answer. And I am not married, so no vows spoken from my lips. You don't need vows to make you stay faithful.

Agree with LeQueen & titfortat, but can't help wondering why what you are both suggesting so rarely happens where affairs are concerned. i.e. that people don't finish one relationship before starting another?

agree lequeen

many of us have been close to that. and if you love your OH you STEP THE FUCK AWAY

and many dont

Yes, exactly what LeQueen has said. Can't improve on that.

i work for a large company. the managers just seem to shag each other in turn. its unbelievable. honest to goodness its rife.

my best work friend has had affairs 3 times herself, with work managers just. .

one has just been sacked for gross misconduct, for gettin someone pregnant, but they reinstated him as that's not actually a crime!
one is married, 2 kids, started bonking one of his team members, she's now a manager and they bonking still. . he's left his wife though.

sickens me

I agree LeQueen. Ive been with DH for nearly 10 years, we have been married for nearly 8 and there have been times when our relationship has struggled and we've had difficulties (right now its not 100% roses and happiness, but that's another thread), but I have never even thought about making anything more exciting by having an affair.

Then again, even if me and DH split up or he has to leave this earth I dont think I could be arsed with even dating again anyway. One thing I love about being in a long term committed relationship is that I dont have to do all that dating thing again ever. So that might just be me. Ive not had an affair or been the OW (not that I know of anyway) so dont really know how it truely feels to be either one of these people. Although I do often wonder if the OW or OM who has been the one who the partner left their DH/DW for wonders if their now DH/DW/DP is doing it again and having an affair. I dont know if I could trust my DP knowing they had an affair with me, even if they had left their OH for me.

If you are in an unhappy marriage of course. I think lots of people (possibly men more than women) have affairs and their marriages are just fine. They have no intention of leaving and hope not to get caught either.

All I can say is never say never. I always did and recently found out that was very naive of me :(

But yes I do think emails and mobiles, whilst not the cause, does make it easier to hide things.

i never said you live in a perfect world jsut that an affair is not part of a perfect world

i get what you are saying , but i think your view is too simplistic. we humans are complex, what we want at one point in our life is not always what we want later on, what we think we want, will do and need is not always what we we want, do and need. i agree an affair does not jsut happen but when you are caught up that is how it feels (becasue that is what you allow yourself to feel) you are pulled by what you are getting out of it (and that is from someone who was always put the relationship first) not what you stand to loose

no not everyone would cheat but to say that it is all so sordid, shallow and wrong is not always true some people find happiness through an affair from a relationship that was destructive and controlling is that so wrong then

People can also find happiness by NOT embarking on an affair, walking away from the destructive relationship first and THEN getting into a relationship with the "other one" they want.

Maybe that is the case titfortat - I have to confess that doesn't seem to be what happens in the real world.