To think a "no gifts" birthday party invitation is a bit rude?

[theverysuccessfulone]

We were invited to a child's birthday party and the invite states "no gifts, please." AIBU to feel a bit uncomfortable with that for a series of reasons?

• First of all, I don't like to be told what to do like that.
• I'll feel awkward arriving empty handed (I'll buy a card, but still...).
• Someone suggested taking a little home made thing - no, thank you, I don't want to spend a whole afternoon crafting something when I can't hardly keep on top of the stuff I already have to do! (and anyway I can't knit or bake or sew or whatever).
• It passes the idea that they are not interested in whatever you may have to give - it may not be good enough for them (which is a shame for their DC. One interesting thing about gifts is that sometimes people buy stuff you would never buy yourself, or you never even knew existed, and the DC loves it. So it's a way to get to know new things).

I won't make a fuss, I'll just get a card, and hope it's the right thing to do. I wonder if people will ignore it and take gifts just the same, and I'll be the odd one standing out?

WEll it's one less present to buy and £5 saved so I would be glad about that. A bit sad for the child though, having no presents to open. Having lots of pressies is part of the joy of childhood.
If you want to reciprocate couldyou have the birthday child round to play with your DC sometime?

Oh or get your DC to make them a birthday card?

Request no presents if it's your birthday/wedding or whatever, but not on behalf of someone else who has little or no say in it.

My dc enjoy giving a small present and they do many charity collections at other times ie at cubs, scouts, school etc. There are other opportunities in life to be abstemious and charitable. Using a childs birthday to make a point is kind of cringey.

I do think some of us will think to ourselves and wonder if the pressure is then on to do the same at the next party for our own dc.

Each to their own theo. I don't think it's mean but hey ho. My dd's party wasn't sugar free. Lots of cakes, party bags and a fab entertainer. The kids didnt think it was a rubbish party, they absolutely loved it, as did the parents. Don't be so judgemental. That is also sad.

It's not about making a point though. It's about how you choose to live your life isn't it.

It's not the fact that it's a no gifts party so much, I can see why they would still have just as much fun. It is more the sentiment that saddens me, it's like buying a 12 year old an Oxfam goat for Christmas (unless they asked for it). Birthdays and Christmas generally generate presents for kids, it just makes them different from the others. The sugar quip was bitchy, sorry.

No worries.

In some ways, a party without gifts, if like a party without the birthday cake. As singing Happy Birthday is always a treat, and blowing out the candles!

Reading that some of you don't even open the gifts, at the party until later in the week?? My child would love to see their friends reaction when they open the gift. Watching all the children surrounding my child, as everyone is saying, "open this...!"

I never expect an expensive gift.

I also never invite the whole class either!! Who seriously invites 20 kids!! WOW... I only invite 5-8... For DD6, she had 6 kids...

Several times, we went to a hotel and my child could have ONE child sleep over, but a few come for the afternoon. This is my gift to my child...a hotel. Of course I invite family over, AFTER the party, to enjoy time with us too.

My parties usually last 3 - 4 hrs. When a party is only 2 hrs, I feel the parent is just trying to get it over as soon as possible! Can't see any child wanting such a short party. However.....however... I don't blame the parent if they are foolish enough to have 20 children!!!!

I think the Loonie/Toonie/Book Party are really neat ideas and will try that!

If your invited to a party, no gifts required, then I guess you respect that...

Mother2many, having grown up in Canada, I know it's a strange concept to not open presents at the birthday party. But it's the norm here in the UK. In fact, I've never been to a party where the gifts were opened there.

Oh, and the whole class is more like 30!

Each to their own I think. I don't think they're being rude and I'd be quite relieved myself; it might be a bit strange for the birthday child though. I can see why it makes you feel uncomfortable but I would just go with it. I think you might be overthinking their intention behind the request.

DD was invited to a party a few years ago where they said no gifts but if, we felt we wanted to give something, then to donate to a children's charity. I found that odd but touching. I did wonder though how much say the birthday child had about it.

You can buy birthday cards that have a little story and colouring in pages but I think I've only seen them in gift shops eg National Trust. If I had one to hand, I might give a card like that but otherwise I would just respect the parents and not bring a present. I certainly wouldn't bother with a homemade crafty thing unless it was something like a homemade card.

My dd had about 30 kids at her party. School friends, home friends and some siblings. It's not unusual.

MrsTerryPratchett Loonie &Toonie parties what a GREAT idea! I'd never heard of it. Come on mners let's start doing it so it catches on in the uk. A pound or two per party would be affordable and the dc whose birthday it is would have fun choosing a present. Fab

But what do you call it? That is the crux. Pound Parties? Quid Parties? Nothing rolls off my keyboard.

It is great because the child gets to choose something good and (if you do the half to charity thing) they can choose their own charity. I know kids here love to give to the animals!

"Request no presents if it's your birthday/wedding or whatever, but not on behalf of someone else who has little or no say in it. "

Why the hell should you receive 30 pieces of plastic tat, have people spend money they'd rather not on said plastic tat, and have them run round toys-r-us desperately trying to pick something suitable when they'd rather be at the park, just to give a brief moment of consumerist pleasure to some small child who doesn't understand the value of stuff as they have a huge mound of plastic tat already?

YABU. It's totally up to the child's parents if they'd rather not have presents.

As for "not liking being told what to do", I bet you've never had that reaction to a request for fancy dress? What if this family are vegetarian? Would you bring your own meat because you bloody well won't be told what I can and can't do????

Oh, and my kids have been given so much stuff over the years that they haven't needed and certainly haven't really appreciated. I think their lives would be richer, not poorer, if they'd had less stuff.

Couldn't imagine 30 presents!! That would take forever! lol... I think I'll stick with few kids... otherwise, 30 would push me over the bend! lol

I don't count family/friends... as that's just a given...

School friends...only for me 6-8 max! lol

"if I forbade relatives and family friends to buy gifts for DC, there would be an uproar! They would be most offended"

But you aren't relatives or family friends are you? From your description it sounds like a class party. I don;t know anyone who would refuse to let their family buy their DC's a birthday present except on religious grounds.

Well allpastyears don't invite 30 kids then ou won't get 30 pieces of 'tat'. It sad the attitude of some here and ther bah humbug mentality. I can't imagine any young child dying no to presents, more like their parents viws have been foisted onto them. When picking presents I choose carefully and try to get what the birthday child will like. I ask the parents what their child is into. Some are into arts and crafts others books

I think its a great idea, not all children do like the tat they receive for presents - my DS must be the only child in the world who is totally uninterested in Lego yet for nearly every birthday received yet more Lego which went straight to the charity shop.

Most children have far too many toys so why not say 'no gifts' or have a charity donation?

We also put 'no gifts please' on DS Christening invitation, it is NOT about the presents, his Godparents did give him an appropriate gift but I really didn't want our guests to have the agony of choosing something (and me having to sort out yet more mounds of unwanted stuff ).

(and yes, before anyone asks, I did put 'no gifts' on a significant birthday party invite for myself recently !!).

Mother2many, I'd think you were out of the ordinary. All DD's party invites in Reception/Yr 1 were for the whole year or whole class. She never went to one that was only for a few kids. That is how it is when they are about in Yr3 when it calms down to just a few hand picked friends.

I've also never been to a party (and we've been to dozens!) were the presents were opened on the day. They are piled up and it is something for the child to look forward to when back at home and everything calmed down. I think parents would be mortified if presents were opened. Too judgy - can you imagine how awful it would be when the child obviously didn't like something - and how do they keep a record of what they received for the thank you notes if there is a free for all opening session?

I've never heard of a "no presents" rule but sounds fair enough to me. I expect it didn't extend to family and close friends just to the school friends invited to the party.

But pigletmania some children just aren't into anything in particular - my DS is very involved in sport and any equipment would be quite specialised and expensive. He really doesn't do anything else - no PS or anything like that, hates reading , no interest in arts and crafts/modelling etc. Doesn't care about clothes. I really, really struggle if people ask me what he would like - for his birthday recently he was given money and vouchers - none of which he has spent .

Unless a child is a very special friend, or I know exactly what to buy, rather than tat, I just put a fiver in an envelope. They can put it into their college fund

I quite liked the 30 kids at the party. It was great fun, dd loved it. In fairness a few of the parents did bring gifts, and they were nice gifts. It's not a case of being forbidden to bring gifts, people will do as they want at the end of the day. I don't think my daughter was damaged for life by not having 30 presents to bring home though. She didn't even notice tbh and was happy with what she got. At least the things she got were actually played with for quite a while, rather than discarded and dumped. Not forgetting that she also had a pile of presents from family to open when she got home. Im firmly of the belief that less is more, it helps teach the value of things rather than buying into this endless consumerist need for everything they see. But then I was brought up in the 70's, different mindset I guess, maybe.