To think a "no gifts" birthday party invitation is a bit rude?

[theverysuccessfulone]

We were invited to a child's birthday party and the invite states "no gifts, please." AIBU to feel a bit uncomfortable with that for a series of reasons?

• First of all, I don't like to be told what to do like that.
• I'll feel awkward arriving empty handed (I'll buy a card, but still...).
• Someone suggested taking a little home made thing - no, thank you, I don't want to spend a whole afternoon crafting something when I can't hardly keep on top of the stuff I already have to do! (and anyway I can't knit or bake or sew or whatever).
• It passes the idea that they are not interested in whatever you may have to give - it may not be good enough for them (which is a shame for their DC. One interesting thing about gifts is that sometimes people buy stuff you would never buy yourself, or you never even knew existed, and the DC loves it. So it's a way to get to know new things).

I won't make a fuss, I'll just get a card, and hope it's the right thing to do. I wonder if people will ignore it and take gifts just the same, and I'll be the odd one standing out?

Im actually confused:(

Why would it be rude to say "no gifts"
It doesnt say please send money instead does it?

Maybe the parents don't want lots of people to spend lots of money on things their dc doesn't actually want?

Personally I think it was far ruder of ds2s friend to attach a list of presents that were "acceptable" with a note saying "if you cannot buy any of these, please do not buy a present"

(everything on the list was over £20 btw)

Sounds the dawn of a wonderful new civilisation to me.

YABU.

Would it be wrong to put "No gifts as he has lots of toys already - although he would appreciate book vouchers"? Whaddya think?

The whole fun of a party for kids is having a good time and getting presents. I think thati would be a bit miffed as a young child to have no presents at my party. You are inflicting adult reasonings onto children.

My dd (sn) has got a lot of invites too which is lovely.

I agree pigletmania. Have a charity collection if you want to organise one but keep a birthday as a separate occasion. Blimey no presents, no party bags...talk about sucking the joy out of it.

Some people have strong feelings about which charity they do/don't support.

Aren't parties about the children . Why bother having a party at all. If you don't want 30 prices of rubbish in your house have a much smaller party and not every year. Or ask for gift certificates if you are going to make a request. If I got a request like that I would not be offended

A party without gifts or party bags oh dear take the joy out of it all

I did a no gifts party. Can't see why it's rude personally. I still did party bags and got an entertainer etc. But having a party isn't about the receiving of gifts, it's about everyone having fun and celebrating a friends birthday. We did the same for our wedding, no gifts, didn't need anything and just wanted our friends and family to come and have a lovely day with us. That's gift enough.

Well parents are not exactly going to tell you are they if it wasn't fine, Mabey they might be a little or to themselves

It's not set in stone though is it. If some people feel really strongly about a present then they'll bring one anyway. It's not going to be received in bad grace. My kids got plenty for their birthdays anyway from family, far too much. I think if kids have too much they don't learn the value or respect of things. Toys get tossed aside and forgotten after a few minutes ready for the next one.

I wanted to say no gifts because I feel sick at the mountain of plastic crap made in China that western children have piled up in their bedrooms that breaks and doesn't get played with. And I feel guilty that some parents can't afford it. DS's class are currently all doing 'whole class invited' parties and I notice that there is a core of 3 that NEVER turn up. While it may be that they can't be arsed/don't want to, I suspect the financial pressure of buying a gift is too much.
Actually, I have a very clear memory of my mum crying because the present she had bought for my friends birthday had got smashed on the way home (china nameplate for a door). I had to find a relatively unscathed book of my own to wrap and give instead. But I remember mum's tension that the parents would notice and sneer. It's horrible being poor.
DS actually got lots of lovely inexpensive presents and I have the feeling that no-one in his lovely group would sneer anyway if you turned up without a gift.

I am going to be flamed - DDs party this year = pony+petting farm+30 kids in the local park. I can't wait - it will be lots of fun and if friends send a gift - it will be gratefully received - regardless of he quality.

Why should you be flamed, it's down to individual choice. Just because something's not right for one person doesn't mean it's not right for another. Each to their own.

I sort of felt that I should feel bad ...

I don't though :-)

I feel that the little things children enjoy and play with are so often derided as 'tat' and 'crap' on here.

It's not trying to deny anyone's child toys and things to play with. I doubt the parents are also following a "no gifts" policy for their OWN child's birthday. But why are people sad that a kid gets one or two or ten presents from their own family and therefore request no more from the friends? It is crap if it just sits in your house, unused and unplayed with.

YABU, I'd be relieved.

DH and I made a policy decision when it was coming up to DS's 1st birthday that we would always have something on party invites about not bringing presents. He has everything he needs, far more toys than he could possibly ever play with and we would hate to put someone in the position of either buying a present they couldn't afford or not coming to party because they couldn't buy a present. We have had plenty of positive remarks about this decision for the two birthdays DS has had and will be sticking with it.

YANBU! It annoys me too.
DD was invited to a "no gifts" party so she just drew a nice picture for her friend and tied it in a roll with a ribbon.
After the party she told me, with a teary smile, that her friend liked the picture but all the other children had taken presents regardless!

YABU to be so annoyed about it, it's no big deal really
I wouldn't be too fussed but I do think that it's good for children to learn to GIVE presents as well as to receive, but there are plenty of other oportunities for that.

Hecate so glad your ds had a great time at recent bash, that other party must have been awful for u all.

As to all you lot who don't want to buy a cheap gift, u can get a nice book for under a fiver ffs, all those who don't do parties, or who are nasty about those of us who, all of u who regard toys as tat ,while your kids may love tat ,then hope you all get your birthdays cancelled and noone buys u anything. Serve u meanies right.

we had an invite to a party recently that said this, well the mum did when she handed out the invites, i felt a bit bad for the birthday twins, so i gave them £5 each in the cards,i explained to the mum that i was doing this and she could spend the money as she saw fit, whether that be a treat to the cinema, put it in savings or even put it towards new school shoes etc, she was happy with this and i felt like i had made a token gesture as her children had got presents for mine at birthday time.

re presents i used to try and only spend £5 but now its more like £8 i get small lego kits ie lego heros or art/craft stuff, always ask the parents what they think the children woudl like or is there anything imparticular the child likes, a recent party they were into moshi monsters so i got them moshi stuff, after finding out what it is!

i always say to people that books, lego etc are always a good bet or even a book token if they cant choose something and i say to get something little as my children have plenty i dont feel i could say get nothing as my birthday child would probably feel upset, they dont expect presents or feel they should get them as such but when its your birthday and you have a party you do get presents, its part of the fun of a birthday and they enjoy opening them etc and i try and do thankyou notes or if really crap a thankyou txt

I think it's bloody mean. Why bother having a party? With that attitude it will probably be a horrible sugar free party with apple slices as the treats. What's wrong with a bit of tat and a few iced rings? Sad.