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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a "no gifts" birthday party invitation is a bit rude?

191 replies

theverysuccessfulone · 17/04/2012 16:57

We were invited to a child's birthday party and the invite states "no gifts, please." AIBU to feel a bit uncomfortable with that for a series of reasons?

  • First of all, I don't like to be told what to do like that.
  • I'll feel awkward arriving empty handed (I'll buy a card, but still...).
  • Someone suggested taking a little home made thing - no, thank you, I don't want to spend a whole afternoon crafting something when I can't hardly keep on top of the stuff I already have to do! (and anyway I can't knit or bake or sew or whatever).
  • It passes the idea that they are not interested in whatever you may have to give - it may not be good enough for them (which is a shame for their DC. One interesting thing about gifts is that sometimes people buy stuff you would never buy yourself, or you never even knew existed, and the DC loves it. So it's a way to get to know new things).

I won't make a fuss, I'll just get a card, and hope it's the right thing to do. I wonder if people will ignore it and take gifts just the same, and I'll be the odd one standing out?

OP posts:
TheseGoToEleven · 17/04/2012 18:08

Last year my DD2 (age 5 at the time) was invited to her friend's party - it was animal-themed and the invite suggested donations towards our local humane society as 'gifts'. There is a list of suggested items on the humane society website, so we bought things like blankets and towels, some cat and dog toys, etc. We picked all these things up at the local dollar store and in fact I spent less on the gifts for this party than on other parties they go to. A couple of weeks later we received a thank you card with a picture of DD's friend at the humane society, making her donation.

I live in Canada and have never heard of a Loonie and Toonie party! I will be introducing it to our town for the next round of parties. Grin

albertswearengen · 17/04/2012 18:13

The Loonie, Toonie thing is fab. Someone better start it here soon as Ds is having his first proper party in the summer.

OP- buy a goat or something from the Oxfam website and then parent can't complain but you feel you've bought something.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/04/2012 18:17

TheseGoToEleven, maybe it is just a BC/Victoria thing. Very popular here. I love them. So easy for parents.

ApocalypseThen · 17/04/2012 18:20

Have you considered a card with a note of a charitable donation you've made in their name for the amount you would have spent in lieu of a present? I'm sure people would find that gracious.

rathlin · 17/04/2012 18:28

OP, you have little to worry about. My DS is only 3 but I have thought about putting this on any party invitations in the future. I pay regular visits to the charity shop to get rid of the tat we accumulate at xmas and birthday. I may sound rude calling it tat but a lot of it is and would prefer that it be sold to help a charity. My house is not an extension of Hamleys but feels like it much of the time. I think someone who brings a present to a party after being asked not to is quite rude. YABVU.

AndiMac · 17/04/2012 18:34

Ooh, I do like that Loonie and Twoonie party idea, especially for those big early year parties.

McHappyPants2012 · 17/04/2012 18:37

yabu.

my kids have missed a few parties because i have had no spare cash, so didn't want to turn up without a gift.

AndiMac · 17/04/2012 18:38

Ooh, I do like that Loonie and Twoonie party idea, especially for those big early year parties.

AndiMac · 17/04/2012 18:39

Oops, sorry, not sure how that double posted.

LookAtAllTheseFucksIGive · 17/04/2012 18:40

I just stick a fiver in a card. Can't be arsed buying presents.

MagsAloof · 17/04/2012 18:42

It would be a blessed relief!

I am forever racing around Tesco at 6pm on a Friday night trying to find some cheap tat gift for some friend of DDs or another.

CowboysGal · 17/04/2012 18:51

My DD had a party a good while before her birthday (long story,not important) so all the gifts were put aside until her birthday. She had an absolute ball, loved her party,loved spending a couple of hours with her friends having a fantastic time and had no worries whatsoever about presents. She didn't even mention why she didn't appear to have any
I think having a 'no gifts please' invite means the parents probably want their child to think of the party itself as a gift and to enjoy it for what it is (a celebration not a get all you can exercise) and for the parents of the guests to not have to go to any trouble-none of which is rude at all.

trixymalixy · 17/04/2012 18:53

I don't think it's rude. I'm considering saying no gifts for DDs party as we don't have space for the toys we have.

I can however understand that you would feel a bit uncomfortable turning up with nothing. I would be tempted to put a book t

trixymalixy · 17/04/2012 18:53

Book token in the card.

Confuseddd · 17/04/2012 18:53

I agree with usualsuspect - bit dismal for the kid having no presents to open.

One person I know did this for her daughter's 5th birthday and I thought it rather pious and not what her daughter would actually like.

So YANBU in a way.

Mrskbpw · 17/04/2012 19:01

Sorry to hijack but Ooogs - I was thinking about books for my son's party bags (I already do Book People books for presents!). Which ones did you give? X

nearlytherenow · 17/04/2012 19:03

YABU. We have done this. I like to have parties, and tend to go a bit OTT on who is invited to the children's birthday parties. Lots of these people, however, are invited because we'd like to see them and their children, and I absolutely do not want them to feel obliged to spend their money on my DCs (who will have plenty anyway, as family and close friends will inevitably buy them presents).

ElephantsAreMadeOfElements · 17/04/2012 19:06

Dismal?

Child has birthday, piles of gifts from doting family and close family friends. Moves on to party with (potentially) thirty assorted schoolfriends, entertained, hula hoops, cake, jelly and ice cream, party games, wild dancing, etc.

If that counts as dismal then someone's misery index needs recalibration.

HappyMummyOfOne · 17/04/2012 19:06

Seems a shame the child wont get any gifts which is usually part of a normal party.

Maybe its a ploy for cash rather than an actual item.

faulkernegger · 17/04/2012 19:06

YABU. I also love the idea of no party bags!

UniS · 17/04/2012 19:09

I love no gift party invites. makes it nice and clear.

ideal for whole class parties, no child NEEDS 30 (modest/ tat/ generic) presents.

Take a card. include a bar of choc in the card if you must, but don't expect a thank you letter.

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 17/04/2012 19:09

We ate moving to tempory housing weeks after DS next birthday and I plan on stating no gifts.

And tbh, even if we weren't moving I may have said the same. He doesn't need anything and only ever plays with a small selection of toys.

madwomanintheattic · 17/04/2012 19:26
knowitallstrikesagain · 17/04/2012 19:42

YABU.

I have a standing arrangement with friends that we do not exchange gifts. We buy for and receive from family (huge) and close friends such as godparents. Plenty.

If they truly do not have the room and you buy a gift they cannot use or store, it may well go to charity.

pigletmania · 17/04/2012 19:50

Gosh what meanies you lot are. I think your kids would have something g different to sy a out that