To think a "no gifts" birthday party invitation is a bit rude?

[theverysuccessfulone]

We were invited to a child's birthday party and the invite states "no gifts, please." AIBU to feel a bit uncomfortable with that for a series of reasons?

• First of all, I don't like to be told what to do like that.
• I'll feel awkward arriving empty handed (I'll buy a card, but still...).
• Someone suggested taking a little home made thing - no, thank you, I don't want to spend a whole afternoon crafting something when I can't hardly keep on top of the stuff I already have to do! (and anyway I can't knit or bake or sew or whatever).
• It passes the idea that they are not interested in whatever you may have to give - it may not be good enough for them (which is a shame for their DC. One interesting thing about gifts is that sometimes people buy stuff you would never buy yourself, or you never even knew existed, and the DC loves it. So it's a way to get to know new things).

I won't make a fuss, I'll just get a card, and hope it's the right thing to do. I wonder if people will ignore it and take gifts just the same, and I'll be the odd one standing out?

I never had big showy whole class parties for mine , so the potential for 30 odd presents was never a problem.

I asked for no gifts for one of DD'd parties. I did it out of guilt. We don't have much money and I feel as though DD gets loads of lovely presents all the time and I can never afford to give anything to others. I didn't want people to think that I'm all about 'take, take, take'

Happymum it's definitely not a ploy for cash. They are quite well off. I think probably the child already has a lot of stuff.

Thesegotoeleven I absolutely love the idea of asking for things for the animal shelter! Think I'll do that for the next party.

How sad for your children, usualsuspect. Poor them.

Its nice to know that some parents think that inviting all your child's schoolfriends to his/her party (at only very marginally increased cost given that everything bar the food tends to be flat rate) is showy.

Mine had parties at home but just with a few friends ,I never did the competitive party thing .

I don't like but wouldn't say something to the parents. I'd think it was a shame for the birthday child. And I would dislike going to a party with no gift, it would feel wrong. And DD would hate not to be allowed to take a gift for her friend too.

I'd send DD with a card. TBH I might even send her with a small gift too, something like a book or a book voucher - maybe that wouldn't be deemed so bad.

Yanbu. But then I can't get upset about party bags either.

Yabu. DS had a whole class party and once the invites went out I realised that maybe I should have said no gifts was fine.

It was great that everyone was so generous but he took a week to open them all and we've only just finished going through all of them. There were a lot of toys.

I hate this. people here often have find raiser birthday parties where instead of a toy you give a donation to the childrens hospital. you end up giving a gift and a donation. in your case I would send a gift voucher or cash in the card.

Sounds like a good idea to me & means the parents dont have to look around on what to spend money on for the child in question. So everyone wins really. You save money, makes a happy parent of the child because you've gone with her rules & the kids are none the wiser.

If it bothers you that much OP, send a card in with a fiver in it?

I think the birthday child might notice if no one brings a present tbh.

Well I love parties and love giving and getting presents.

My dds always had class parties, not because we are competitive or wanted 30 presents but because my kids didn't want to leave anyone out, even 'the wierd kids 'as they felt mean doing it.

I think that's nice

Feel sorry for party child actually, what's nicer than opening presents given to you by your friends??.

And just because us parents think gifts are 'tat' doesn't mean child does.

Sure most kids would see perfume and smelliest as tat for adults but we liv
Love them.

Sad.

Not bringing a gift to a birthday party?!? What will be next, vegans bringing their own party snacks...oh wait...

Usualsuspect, There was nothing competitive or showy about the whole class parties we held - I did them because they were easier to organise. Hiring a bouncy castle and soft play in a hall for an hour at about £20 saved me a lot of time organising party games, and to be honest prizes etc would mean I saved little money.

Food was simple and inexpensive, as were party bags.

I think the assumption that, because the whole class was invited (actually it was closer to the whole school.... ) it was somehow 'competitive' and 'showy' to be a little odd.

I've had big parties and small parties for my dc's over the years. TBH the big parties, where all the class were invited to a hall were so much less hastle than a few kids at home wrecking the place. You also don't have to agonise over who to invite/not to invite..........just invite everyone!

Op YABU. I can't see why it bothers you so much, it's not rude, just very sensible. I'm sure the parents didn't see the point of everyone spending money on a load of plastic craptoys. A good lesson to teach the Birthday child too...........invite your friends so you can enjoy their company.

Oh dear - think I qualify as 'showy' for hall and bouncy castle. Something else to feel shit about - hosting a fun party for DC.

What a great idea re. books instead of party bags. Will be nabbing that idea.

bollocks to feeling bad for throwing a big party!

My eldest son had a party when he was 5. ONE child showed up. Everyone else just didn't turn up. Mostly without saying they weren't going to show up. Many after saying they were.

I cried and cried. I knew it was because he was autistic.

I said never again!

Fast forward 5 years. He's coming up to 10. We've moved up north and he wants a party.

I had another cry about the last one then I hired a MASSIVE hall, a disco, an entertainer who did a fabulous and interactive fun science show (which the kids LOVED) and invited practically the whole school!

I sat by the door, with my heart in my mouth, until they started showing up. I let siblings stay and everything There ended up being about 60 kids there.

His pile of gifts (although everyone who'd asked what he liked, I told them honestly, there's no need, he's got overindulgent grandparents (a lie!) and waaaaay too much stuff...) was so massive we had to do 2 runs. (what with the leftover food being loads and loads too. I put on a buffet that could have fed 200!)

So again, I say big fat, hairy, slightly sweaty bollocks to no show and no gifts! Sometimes you have to!

I am definitely doing "no presents please" for DS's 2nd. He has tonnes of stuff. Our apartment is small, and he'll be 2, so gifts dont mean anything to him anyway. He'll be thrilled enough with the party, which he wont even know is "his" party, so people may as well save their money

I am in the "40th birthday party" zone atm and I've noted that most of my adult friends also specify "no presents please". I just take a card.

Thank goodness we only ever had small parties!

Here a few local shops let children put some things that they would like into a basket & others choose what to buy from it.

No one gets offended if an invitation says "basket at X"-they choose from it or not as they wish.

This is definatley one of those thread I will be telling my friends about lol.

I'm am amazed at how some people think everything is about them.

Did you ever think maybe they were thinking of others that got hit with the recession? You don't like being told what to do?

What a joke

That's just sad hecate my dd has sn, possibly on the autistic spectrum, dev delay, we are awaiting a ds as she s 5 the paed is adopting a wait and see approach. She goes to a mainstream school with a full statement, what I can say is that this has never happened to dd parties, always a full house [grin. We don't have class parties, say about 15/16 as it would overwhelm her. The parents are so lovely and understanding, I feel for your poor ds Hecate.

My goodness you miseries, I think that your dc would agree with the no resent rule. I don't think a young child would understand or appreciate the charity donation thing.

We've just been invited to a 'no presents' party - the couple concerned threw a big bash in their garden for their DD, 2, a couple of weeks ago. Their DS, is now about to turn 4.

I am guessing they want to celebrate both birthdays, get their friends together and have a laugh, but don't want anyone to feel obliged to buy another present. I'm sure all the important people will buy pressies anyway, and their lovely DS really will not care when he racing around having fun with his friends.

Much as I try, I cannot muster up any outrage at all. Rather, I think they're being really thoughtful.

Don't know why you're bothered, I'd be relieved!

I have not read the whole thread, so apologies if I am repeating what has been said. If you are desperate top make a gift, how about a charity gift from Oxfam? I got a goat a few days ago, I was thrilled!
Oh and YABU but the way.

When my kids have talked about their parties they never mention the gifts, it's all about how much fun it was, how great to see their friends all together, etc. They don't show any interest in any gifts that show up and aren't that interested when we get them home either. I can't imagine that they would be sad that nobody brought them a gift, especially since they would have been told beforehand not to expect any!

We have moved away from parties to special days out now. The birthday child gets to pick where we go and can invite a friend or two. Then we take everyone out for lunch or dinner as part of the day, I much prefer this over the chaos of a party.