Mmm.... racism?

[laughlovelife]

I have a friend who wont date black men, not because they are black but because she does not find black men attractive, in the same way she wont date a man who has blond hair and blue eyes.

I cant work out if she is racist or it is simply her preference in men, she has many friends who are the above, but still I'm so is she racist or not

Does the fact that she doesn't date women make her sexist?

Of course not.

I've never dated a black man and I don't know any black men I personally find physically attractive.

That's just a fact.

Now if I said "I would/could never date a black man because I wouldn't find them attractive"...that would be racist because I would be writing off a whole race of people.

I've never dated an obese man either because I'm not attracted to a large amount of body fat...I've never dated a man with long hair either because again, I don't find the look attractive.

If I wasn't married, I might well meet someone of any of the above description and fall in love with their personality though....who knows?

Not sure about racist, but certainly sounds picky to discount so many based on such shallow things.

Or what SoupDragon said with much less typing

LOL at SoupDragon!

Sounds like personal preference to me. I've never dated anyone under 6 foot because I don't find short men attractive so obviously I'm heightist

She will only date black men because she doesn't find them attractive??

She's not being racist to have a preference but ime there is a certain attitude amongst some rather immature women that being with a black man is 'cooler' or more badass or something. I have met women like this and i think there is a racist element. Likewise I have a good friend who has only been with black men since her early twenties just because she fancies them more than white men.

My physical preference is non white but I never ruled anyone out! I have realised that men who are white with blond or red hair remind me of my brothers which is why I don't fancy them. Nothing racist in it.

Although I will admit to having an element of liking the 'exoticness' of a non white man which if you really wanted to stretch things could be seen as racist.

Definitely not racist, no different than having a preference on how someone looks, like you mentioned blond etc.

I have never dated a black man, I live somewhere where there are very few black people anyway so its not racist, just haven't met someone that was black to date! I am most definitely not racist!

Its really no ones business anyway, as long as she doesn't project awful racist fews onto other people she is actually entitled to think whatever she wants.

Not racist. Not unless you think there is something more to her not dating them than just the attracted/not attracted issue.

If she said that she would never consider going out with a black man, even if she found herself attracted to him, then that might be racist. But just finding your "sexual attraction" only singles out some categories and crosses off others isn't racist.

well SD she has dated woman, shes a very open person when it comes to her sexuality

The question came up after one of her black friends asked her out on a date and she has said no, because she does not find black men attractive, so hence my question, I dont think she will ever date a black man, however in the same way she wont date a blond blue eyed male.

Then isn't it painfully obvious that she's not racist OP?

Tis to me anyway.

I must be racist because neither have I

I hate men with blonde hair....and don't find Chinese men attractive...

Have dated, French, Libyan, Egyptian, Palestinian, Nigerian and loads of white British....

not really racist, although it is a little immature to have a strict physical "type" imo - don't most people grow out of that for the most part?

I had an exact type in my late teens, all carbon copies of each other - how silly, although I must admit that now I still have a few characteristics I go for or don't find attractive even though I'ld now say my "type" is very flexible

one of those things is little hands, I like men with big hands. I find feminine hands on a man very very off putting.

• now I've never yet met a philipino man with large hands, but is it racist to never fancy any of them? when I also don't fancy white or black men with small hands, it's just that I have met white and black men with large ones too?

I dont know, WL, as I think she may be racist in not giving them the chance because of the way they look, she likes the black man also, thinks he is wonderful and has good prospects but not for her, because he is black/she isn't attracted to him.

I personally couldn't imagining not dating someone just because of a preference is attractiveness/skin colour, especially when they like the person, and thinks he has good prospects. I'm just wondering if she is hiding behind this "attractiveness" comment to hide her true feelings.

She has dated a blond hair brown eyed person tho

It's stupid really

If we dated our way around every country in the world, we'd be too old and knackered to get married and have kids!

Not to mention possibly very itchy.....

oh no! I wont date men under 6th...
am I a heightist!

6ft not 6th!

OP, she's told you she 'Isn't attracted to him'

That's plenty reason not to date someone

That and the fact that she's probably quite secure in the knowledge she's not racist and doesn't have anything to prove to anyone trying to judge her.

Not racist at all, it is a physical preference, as others have demonstrated. I know white women who will only date black men, because they see it as some kind of status symbol. Even that is not racist, just pathetically immature. ;)

Back when I was dating, I knew a lot of men who I liked, and thought were a great prospect for someone else. But if I didn't find them physically attractive then I wouldn't date them, no matter how much I liked them in other ways. Why would you date someone you didn't fancy?

How can anyone say "I don't find black men attractive?"

Do ALL black men look the same then?

laughlovelife I do not think it works to date someone because they are nice and tick suitable boxes

y'gotta be ATTRACTED to them, if not, it's not sustainable for you and unfair on them (how would you like to find out that the person you were dated didn't actually fancy you but thought you were a suitable mate on paper?)

I've tried it, turns out, the "nice" "suitable" ones that you don't physically fancy is just as likely to turn out to be a fuckwit as the hottie, so you might as well enjoy the chemistry while you find out if they are nice long term or not.
IMO you are more likely to end up finding someone nice who you initially found attractive than you are to become attracted to someone who you aren't initially but think are "nice" and "right for you"

and, whatever we like to think, a lot of attraction is PHYSICAL, we are just animals and are genes look for certain things in a mate!

Not racist, I don't think, unless (as others have said) she has written off ALL black men in advance.

She does sound picky though. I think you have to be a bit more open-minded. A friend of mine will only date men who are her age or up to five years older. I'm not saying she ought to start dating 21-year-olds, but that kind of thing narrows the field quite a lot, doesn't it?

I didn't fancy and still dont fancy my dh, his personality makes up for his looks, but then I am not into the whole looks issue, some men can be good looking and have vile personalities, some men can be look unattractive and have wonderful personalities.

My husband is not ugly by any standards but I dont put emphasis on looks only, to date a man, maybe that's my preference