Mmm.... racism?

[laughlovelife]

I have a friend who wont date black men, not because they are black but because she does not find black men attractive, in the same way she wont date a man who has blond hair and blue eyes.

I cant work out if she is racist or it is simply her preference in men, she has many friends who are the above, but still I'm so is she racist or not

Fuck i've never dated a black man and now i'm married, does that mean i have to be a racist or a cheat?

sleepsfor I'm 6ft so that's my rule too!

I still have a type. I think I always will. I love long/longish hair. And pretty!

I couldn't marry someone I don't fancy...and fancying someone is not just about looks for me.

It's the whole package.

QuckLookBusy, that's my point, she wont date any black men, at all, nor will she date blond, blue eyed males.

so hence why I am torn.

and you don't know really what your genes are up to
I never really found as many men from my own country as attractive as I did men from other countries, turns out my family does have genes for something that is more dominant in people from my background - maybe my genes knew this?, maybe its far more complicated or simple than that? there are things that are more dominant in afro-carribean genes, maybe without her knowing why the friend's genes are trying to avoid those genes???
??

I don't think we have as much conscious control over it than we'ld like to think, I don't think she can MAKE herself fancy black men any more than she is trying not to

I don't think it's racist.

There are plenty of mixed race and black men I find attractive, (Denzil Washington, Barak Obama, Jeremy Guscott, Tyson Beckford) but I've never been attracted to Oriental men for some reason.

It's all about what turns you on I suppose.

How ridiculous... why on earth should she be racist because she doesnt find someone physically attractive.

And as for your last post.. I do understand what you are trying to say, but you have worded it rather badly in my opinion.

When you "fancy" someone, it is based on lots of things.. surely you find your husband attractive, even if it is because of his personality. I agree "classic good looks" are not everything, but everyone has different tastes..

Oriental? , I don't fancy rugs either!

"In British English, the term Oriental is not considered pejorative or offensive, and refers to people from East and Southeast Asia. Asian is generally used only to mean people from South Asia".

Creme the above quote is from Wikipedia's definition of Oriental.

Not sure what your face is for.

Absurd OP.

Have a - you can munch on it whilst you toddle off and try to come up with something just slightly more intelligent to post about!

"QuckLookBusy, that's my point, she wont date any black men, at all, nor will she date blond, blue eyed males.

so hence why I am torn."

Why are you torn? She isn't saying she won't date them because they are Black as opposed to White but because she doesn't find that particular look physically attractive. She doesn't date all White people either does she?

You are trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. Stop being daft.

Look, if you want to think your 'friend' is racist go right ahead but i'd check up on the definition of racism before you do.

Oh dear and not we retort to intellectual insults,

I never said or did I mention this was a intellectual debate, it was in fact if you READ, will see I asked a question, as I personally found it confusing, as to whether it was racist or not.

Now if I said my friend wont date black men, because they are black, people would say that is racist.

However as my friend has said she wont date black men because she does not find black men attractive it puts a different slant on it, even tho she will not date any black men.

hence why I have ASKED, this, and is the reason I am asking if it is racist,

That you even need to ask such a twatty question justifies everything that everyone has said to you. Get. A. Grip.

Of course she's not racist...what a perculiar train of thought!

I think it's a bit weird to be so specific about looks. I don't think you can predict who you're attracted to - it's about so much more than just the physical.

I also think it's a bit odd to lump all black men in together as if they all look the same. It's way more general than saying she doesn't like blue eyes.

She sounds very immature, to be honest.

Look, if you want to think your 'friend' is racist go right ahead but i'd check up on the definition of racism before you do

And look up the definition of 'friend' while you're at it.

I find quite a lot of black men attractive. I've also seen a fair few good looking ones among Asian and European men. I would have thought the more men you see in a positive light will give you more choice and potential to find just the right one for you. I don't think your friend is racist though I do think she's limiting her options.

worra's post

Well, I think the consensus is that, no, your friend's decision, so far as you have described it to us here, is not racist. So no need for you to be confused any more, or to worry about her choice on that basis.

Has your friend been asked out by a lot of black men then?

Or a lot blonde haired blue eyed men?

I ask that because even within those limitations, looks vary enormously, so unless she is inundated with admirers (she isnt Samantha Brick is she?), then you are taking her comments way too seriously.

Never really found black men attractive (apart from Seal and some guy I met in bar and danced with). Have always found darker guys attractive though like meditteranean and middle eastern, Indian, Chinese and Japanese. Don't know what that says about me really, is there a subconscious racism there. - don't know. Wouldn't say I'd never date one though, always possible to change your mind.

If she wouldn't have a black person as a friend, that would be racist. However, not wanting to date someone that you don't find attractive seems completely reasonable to me.

No of course not, it's a matter of preference. I also wouldn't date a black man due to not finding them attractive along with short men etc.

Why does it even matter to you? I'm genuinely puzzled. I personally believe we all have our prejudices and shouldn't be in a hurry to slap labels on them. So what if she were racist? Would she not be good enough to be your friend any more? As I say, genuine question. I am non-white non-British and find the White preoccupation with being racist or not really hard to understand.