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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mmm.... racism?

265 replies

laughlovelife · 17/04/2012 11:16

I have a friend who wont date black men, not because they are black but because she does not find black men attractive, in the same way she wont date a man who has blond hair and blue eyes.

I cant work out if she is racist or it is simply her preference in men, she has many friends who are the above, but still I'm Hmm so is she racist or not Confused

OP posts:
HipHopOpotomus · 17/04/2012 14:47

If you've got a cock, give me a knock.

I actually spat tea at my computer screen Grin

Mrbojangles1 · 17/04/2012 14:49

HokeyCokeyPigInaPokey actually I thing you are wrong not dating somone because they simply dont get the old fire going is not in it's self raceist but not dating a black because preconceived ideas about what their like or because you think their less than is

Like I said in my previous post my oh is white and have dated all colours but when I was free and single I was old often by white men

Either they thought I was really fit but they could never take me home to family or they have no desire to date me but would love to see what it was like to sleep with a black women. That is raceist and their are a fair amount of people with that type of view

BrianCoxHasScaryHair · 17/04/2012 14:51

Haven't read entire thread sorry.

It reminded me of a time I was in Chicago Rock Cafe in Northampton (I knew how to live it up when I were a young'un Wink ) and a short bloke came up to me. I am 5'11" and I was wearing heels so closer to 6'2" at the time. He started to chat me up, I told him I wasn't interested (was very nice about it). He got really angry and accused me of being a racist (he was Asian). At this point I got angry back and told him in no uncertain terms that his race was not an issue, the fact that he was a short-arse however, was! Blush

....and then I recalled the 2 months I spent working in Arizona, had a fling with a 6'6" god of a man from Sudan. Wink

My only request is that my potential date/partner/whatever is taller than me and that I find him attractive (regardless of what any other person thinks).

I'm not sure about OP's situation. Seems you think she is being racist, so in that case YANBU. However, if you are misinterpreting the situation YABU.

See, I'm really good at giving indecisive answers, it's why I don't come to AIBU often Grin

HokeyCokeyPigInaPokey · 17/04/2012 14:56

My dh is black, white men don't often do it for me.

If the ops friend doesn't find black men attractive that does not make her racist, she just doesn't fancy them.

Debsbear · 17/04/2012 14:57

I always had two rules about dating - NEVER date anyone younger than you or shorter than you. Not sure what that made me, as I stuck to them religiously Blush. No matter what they looked like I would always ask them to stand up and ask how old they were! In fact, thinking about it, I would still do the same if I were single today! Grin. Good job my DP is 3 inches taller me (I can still wear heels, yippee!) and 3 months older than me as well! I don't think she's being racist from what you've said. There may be more to it, but I think it's just her "type", in the same way some men are "leg" men or "breast" men and some women like blond hair and blue eyes and others prefer black hair and brown eyes (me! me!)

Whatmeworry · 17/04/2012 15:08

If you've got a cock, give me a knock.

Actually, size matters IMO...I guess that makes me cockist :o

Oh - and heightist, bumist, smile-ist, brainist, SOH-ist etc etc...

Debsbear · 17/04/2012 15:14

It WOULD be racist if she refused to SPEAK to any black men, btw.

RabidAnchovy · 17/04/2012 15:30

Clearly not racist
Personal choice, I would not date a man shorter then me, am I hightest?

jaquelinehyde · 17/04/2012 15:31

I love black men, can't get enough. If she doesn't find them attrative then good all the more for me...Can't say my husband will be happy though Grin

waltermittymissus · 17/04/2012 15:43

Hang on. She doesn't find black men OR blonde haired/blue eyed men attractive. So how come you only think she's being racist about black men? What about all the poor blonde men she's discriminating against? Racism isn't only based on skin colour. So either she's racist towards black AND white men, she's not racist...

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2012 15:43

It makes me laugh that one or two hissy fitters decided to report the thread and then said they're going to hide it anyway.

It's like saying "I'm taking my ball and going home" Grin

Pendeen · 17/04/2012 15:54

laughlovelife

"... she likes the black man also, thinks he is wonderful and has good prospects but not for her, because he is black/she isn't attracted to him ..."

There you are then.

Not a racist attitude at all.

ThePathanKhansWitch · 17/04/2012 16:04

As long as they have their own teeth, game on.

LentillyFart · 17/04/2012 16:05

Hear Hear worra - why didn't they just hide it in the first place?

porcamiseria · 17/04/2012 16:07

worra

so people disliking a thread thats borderline racist is "hissy fit" eh?

I find this thread depressing TBH

and the fact that OP has not come back says alot

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2012 16:09

I find lots of threads depressing but I respect the fact that one persons 'border line' is not the same as everyone else's.

Hopefully MNHQ will see that

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 17/04/2012 16:10

She's not racist I dont think....I am not homophobic but I still don't have relationships with bi or lesbian women.

I suppose its odd....I have only ever fallen for one black man but I don't meet many...I live in a particularly non multicultural area. Not through choice! It's not great....I wish DD had more chance to meet kids from other cultures and races.

MagsAloof · 17/04/2012 16:10

PMSLLLLLLLLL @ 'If you've gt a cock give me knock'

mwahahaha

It's a tricky area, that's for sure. I haven't dated a white guy since I was a teenager. DH is black, several previous boyfriends were black. I have no idea why. I fancied them, they fancied me.

I wouldnt say that I would NEVER be attracted a white guy again, though

If I were single, of course Wink

I wouldnt rule out any race or skin colour, to be honest.

diabolo · 17/04/2012 16:11

I have not seen anything racist on this thread, simply a discussion about what type of blokes people do or don't fancy - short, black, tall, thin, fat, blonde teeth, no teeth etc.

How is that racist? Or do we really have to fancy everyone, just so nobody gets offended?

Original poster
laughlovelife · 17/04/2012 16:17

The fact the OP hasn't came back is because she has a life, with nursery, food shopping, collecting older children from school.

Who she fancies isn't my business, I never said it WAS my business it was a question that I was asking myself, and yes, if I found out she was a racist then I would not be friends with her, however our friendship is through another friend, who also raised her eyebrows, when she said it.

when I say black men, its ALL black men, not just those of darker skin tone or those of a lighter tone (mixed race) etc... she wont date any black men, the man is question is british, but his parents are originally from Western Asia.

I dont think I am BU to ask a question, if you dont ask you dont know, Im sorry for those of you who find it offensive, but I dont see it offensive to ask a question, of which you are unsure of.

OP posts:
Original poster
laughlovelife · 17/04/2012 16:22

I asked because I genuinely am confused, as to why she could just single out a who category of men, based on their skin tone and hair colour, but as I said previously, personality for me is bigger that a way a man looks.

OP posts:
Whatmeworry · 17/04/2012 16:22

so people disliking a thread thats borderline racist is "hissy fit" eh?

This is only borderline racist for people determined to find racism everywhere they look.

tanfastic · 17/04/2012 16:25

I dont think it's racist at all. Just like I wouldn't date a fat bloke (does that make me fattist)?

I personally don't find all black men attractive but some mixed race men are gorgeous. I'm not racist.

FeakAndWeeble · 17/04/2012 16:25

I got deleted! First time ever!

Um, but what I said was: Men with brown eyes don't do it for me. But that doesn't make me eye-ist.

(Not sure why that was deleted. I stand by it!!)

Whatmeworry · 17/04/2012 16:28

Men with brown eyes don't do it for me

That's Man-ist :o

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