To think normal mothers wouldn't do this?

[pinkyp]

Was at a party at a play centre today with my ds - other kids were also there that wernt at the party. I found a seat, a mum I know sat next to me, there was a woman with a tiny baby sat at the opposite side to us. The woman started talking to the mum and next min got up walking off leaving the baby. The mum turned to me and said the woman had nipped out for a cig and asked her to watch her 3 week old, she didn't know her. Ten mins later the woman came back then went away for 5 more mins for a drink. Me and the other mum moved when the party had lunch and 2 times when we looked over the baby had been left on her own. The last time we saw her other boy (5) was watching the baby whilst she was having a fag.

Now I'm no perfect mum but to leave a 3 week old baby with a stranger then alone twice and again with a 5 year old watching for a cig is a bit...well shit really?

Baby was in a car seat so could of been taken with the mum, not ideal when smoking but surely better than risk being taken. Or maybe the mum could of not had 4 fags in the space of 1&1/2hrs perhaps just one? You could see the mums back through the window from where we were sat inside so not even looking.

Are people reading the same OP as me?

She asked another mother to mind the baby once. Then, after the other mother had moved away she left the baby alone once with no one watching it, and the second time alone with only a 5 year old watching it. I don't think asking the stranger to watch the baby is a huge risk - it's the leaving the baby unattended altogether that doesn't seem that bright.

Oh dear are you a cat obsessive like me? I used to be quite sane until we acquired our moggie, now I am a mad old woman shrieking 'come and look at the cat' several times a day. Dh and dc are then required to admire a new position or place he is sleeping in. No not read Silent Miaow, will google...

Yes sorry OP, as you were.

Ugh at the thread title.

I suppose I would be a little bit concerned about the baby in the circumstances the op describes. But the implication of the thread-title that her different perception of risk and of the caring solidarity among mums makes her not a "normal mother" is shuddersome.

She probably thought 1) it's a safe space and 2) a parent wouldn't mind helping out another parent.

Her mistake was to assume that a parent cannot be a risk and to assume that one parent would be happy to help another parent out.

She could have taken the baby with her for her fags, she chose to not do that. she is probably trying to limit the baby's exposure to direct smoke. Probably smokes outside at home etc.

She probably left that place feeling good that she had her children in a safe place and there were people there who were kind enough to keep an eye.

I think the reason is at the core of it though.

I would (and have) asked people to keep an eye on my dd when doing something essential (popping to the loo is an example - we were on a ferry, coming to the end of the crossing, I had a long drive ahead and was desperate for the toilet. DD was asleep - I asked a couple to watch her while I nipped to the loo. If I hadn't gone, the results would have been deeply unpleasant!).

Smoking? Especially repeatedly in a very short time frame? Not essential.

I think when you decide to leave your new (and not so new) baby with a stranger, you weigh up what you are leaving them for (how vital it is), how long it might take, and even where you are (on the ferry it did cross my mind that were anything to happen, I would be back before the ferry docked and no-one would be able to go anywhere until DD had been safely restored to me!!!).

At soft play, I might leave a baby if there was a toddler related emergency on the grounds that most people there have/had toddlers and understand, and would be happy to help out for a few minutes. But to go off and do my own thing? No. Sorry. Apart from the possible risks (minute, but there all the same), the baby is my responsibility, not the responsibility of random adults who have their own kids to see to.

I was thinking the same as baby - I'll happily watch a baby for someone who needs to nip off for whatever reason (I've done it myself at school when a baby is asleep in the school carpark), but several times in a relatively short time, especially in order to have a fag, would make me feel highly superior.

That said, soft play is highly stressful and dull, so my aim would be to try and switch off and read a magazine/stare into space when I wasn't seeing to the baby or the toddler.

I used to know someone she was bonkers, who'd ask children who 'looked trustworthy' to watch her baby in the swimming pool while she went off and did a couple of lengths. The baby was in one of those floating seat/ring things.

Smoking is essential if you are addicted to nicotine

Personally I wouldn't, when DS was that age I felt twitchy when he was out of my sight (maybe a bit PFB, but it was not a conscious logical thing). I wouldn't leave a baby in a carseat for 1 1/2 hours either. I use slings so that loo breaks, toddler chasing and all that can be dealt with, but that's my choice, I wouldn't presume for anyone else.

I'd be a bit concerned that she might need a bit of support rather than questioning her judgement though.

Maybe once. But so frequently? That seems to be more a case of letting others take the responsibility for your child while you do what you want. Yes, it takes a village etc etc. But the primary responsibility lies with the parent.

And there is an element of choice in smoking - it's not like going to the loo which everyone needs to do!

everlong no its not fair. I'm not confining it. Addiction isn't rational.

The outcome is the same, whether you consider one essential and one unessential, or not; baby left alone with stranger

If you feel SO strongly about it, you could always peep your pants and clean yourself up later

confining condoning

Sorry, my last was in response to beejeezuz.

FutureNannyOgg - I kind of agree but how on earth would you go about doing that? It's someone you don't know, and they ask you to watch their baby - you can't really say "Hmm, looks like you are leaving your baby a bit too often - do you need help?"
I actually thought if the baby is 3 weeks old, and mum is that desperate for nicotine, then it is possible she smoked through pregnancy - I just hoped that being left for a few minutes does indeed turn out to be the biggest problem the child has. Judgy? Much! With the caveat that she may not have done...!!

"AberdeenAgnes Sun 15-Apr-12 08:24:37
Are people reading the same OP as me?

She asked another mother to mind the baby once. Then, after the other mother had moved away she left the baby alone once with no one watching it, and the second time alone with only a 5 year old watching it. I don't think asking the stranger to watch the baby is a huge risk - it's the leaving the baby unattended altogether that doesn't seem that bright."

No, you're right, I skipped over that bit. I agree that leaving the baby with another parent is OK, unattended or with a child is not at all. And tbh at 3 weeks old I wouldn't leave my child with another parent either, despite my previous argument.

My sister is older than me...she's 45....she had babies late and often did things like this. It's somethng that I have seen other older Mums do as they're a different generation. The new Mum was probably in a fog of exhaustion and confusion. I wouldn't do it personally but maybe this girl felt she was a good judge of character.

No I wouldn't either everlong

I'm not trying to justify smoking. I just don't think its 'not a reason' to leave your baby, if pee/tapas etc is

everlong it's a stronger addiction than heroin...there's no justification...they just need it. I am glad that sanctions are begining to happen like hiding them at the shops and they are thinking of putting them in plain wrappers. There's nothing you could say as a non smoker which would make you understand the pull.

I gave up before I conceived as it was something my DH wanted before I had a baby....he was right of course but when I was a smoker, I didn't think "Ooh I can wait for a ciggy...." you just dont.

Some smokers are not as addicted as others too....my frend still smokes on occassion but can take it or leave it...when I was a smoker I would have wlked through broken glass to get one.

everlong she had a new baby....when I had a new baby I sometimes felt so tired I couldn't speak never mind think sensibly. So take your face right back you don't need to be so uppity.

um awkward, I am an older mum, that doesnt make me less concisous of my childrens safety, what a highly offensive post!