To think normal mothers wouldn't do this?

[pinkyp]

Was at a party at a play centre today with my ds - other kids were also there that wernt at the party. I found a seat, a mum I know sat next to me, there was a woman with a tiny baby sat at the opposite side to us. The woman started talking to the mum and next min got up walking off leaving the baby. The mum turned to me and said the woman had nipped out for a cig and asked her to watch her 3 week old, she didn't know her. Ten mins later the woman came back then went away for 5 more mins for a drink. Me and the other mum moved when the party had lunch and 2 times when we looked over the baby had been left on her own. The last time we saw her other boy (5) was watching the baby whilst she was having a fag.

Now I'm no perfect mum but to leave a 3 week old baby with a stranger then alone twice and again with a 5 year old watching for a cig is a bit...well shit really?

Baby was in a car seat so could of been taken with the mum, not ideal when smoking but surely better than risk being taken. Or maybe the mum could of not had 4 fags in the space of 1&1/2hrs perhaps just one? You could see the mums back through the window from where we were sat inside so not even looking.

"Ok genuine question seeker did you think the McCanns were sensible in their decision to leave their dc?"

No I don't. I think they were stupid and irresponsible. And so would everyone else if they hadn't been articulate posh people drinking white wine in the sun.

But I don't think the McCanns are even remotely relevant to this thread.

There are risks in absolutely everything we do. You can't eliminate risk. It's hard enough bringing up dcs without worrying about danger at every turn.

I don't see that leaving a baby to nip out for a fag in the circumstances described by the op is any worse or substantially different than any of the instances where you have left your baby alone Everlong. I really don't.

If she's smoking with a 3/52 old, chances are she smoked throughout the pregnancy so one might suppose this risk-taking behaviour is par for the course... Seriously though, asking a (probably completely fine & not a weirdo) complete stranger to look after the sprog for a few minutes is not too bad. I remember asking strangers to watch the pram as it wouldn't fit into the loo with me in a particular restaurant I frequented when my son was very small.

They left them for half an hour ( that they admit to) at a time in a room while they went to dinner at a restaurant down the road. And their child was old enough to be scared and upset if she woke on her own. And they did this regularly enough for someone to see a pattern in their behaviour.

This bears absolutely no relation at all to leaving a baby inder the eye of another mother while you step outside a soft play place for. Few minutes!

Honestly- words fail me!

Everlong, I don't believe you've never left your babies unattended in such circumstances as described by me and others on this thread.

If you have then more fool you tbh

Everlong-do you really think there are baby stealers around all the time? Because it honestly never crosses my mind unless I'm on a thread on mumsnet. I think I would have gone mad if I'd been worried about that when mine were little- how do you cope? It must be awful.

I worry about my daughter now she's 16 and out alone at night- I'm on tenterhooks until she gets home. Because there is a tiny but measurable risk that something awful might happen to her. But when she was a baby I didn't worry at all. Even though when I was pregnant with her a baby was stolen- aAbigali I think she was called- by a sad and tortured woman who cared for her perfectly until she was found safe and well. But that's the only case of baby stealing I've ever heard of.

bit what on earth do you think is going to happen to them? I'm genuinely intrigued? Do you really think the'd be snatched?

I think the McCanns were stupid and irresponsible to leave their children the way they did. But not because Madelaine was abducted. That is a risk not worth computing. But because of the likelihood that the children would wake and be scared and distressed to be on their own. As I said, they only get sympathy because they are middle clews people drinking white wine at a charming pavement cafe in Portugal. If they'd been drinking lager in Wetherspoons in Chatham they would have had a very different reaction.

I think Prince Harry is very good looking. You can tell who his Dad is but everything is better on Prince Harry.

For someone who said that McCanns are completely irrelevant to this thread you're talking about them an awful lot Seeker

Only because I was asked, zookeeper.

Oh well . Each to her own. Night .

Everlong- I'm sorry. I had forgotten the horrible experiences that have shaped your attitude. Of course I understand how you feel, and why you feel the way you do. If I had remembered I wouldn't have challenged you- I'm sorry.

so she left the baby in a busy soft play area full of other parents for a few mins whilst she went outside to have a fag, going to soft play is enough to make anyone want a fag!

she asked someone to watch the baby, you say she then left the baby on her own or with her 5 yr old, are you sure there were no other adults nearby she could have asked one of them to watch the baby or maybe she had met a friend and they were keeping an eye on the baby from a distance as they watched their own toddler? you dont know.

but i really dont think its that big a deal she could have been going to the toilet or taking her toddler to the toilet.

i know as i have 5 there are times when i have asked random strangers to watch a sleeping baby in a carseat so i can deal with one of the older ones, infact once i went shopping with ds4 in a sling and decided to buy some new tops for myself obviously i had to take him out of the sling to try on the tops so i asked the assistant at the changing rooms to hold him whilst i did so, she was delighted to coo over him and i could hear her from behind the curtain and see her feet from underneath the curtain so had she decided to run off with him i would have dashed out afterward, half naked if need be! but it was fine

i think we havea bit of a scewed risk assesment when it comes to these things, child abduction is RARE and when it DOES happen it is most often a family member or friend anyway not a random stranger you ask to watch your child for a few minutes!

Aberdeen, sorry the thread disappeared so couldn't reply. Mouse is my nickname for my baby. Sorry for the confusion.

I am not understanding what you all think a 3 week old is going to do if left unattended, it's not like they were going to crawl off. 3 weeks tend to stay where you put them.
And for the twice you say the baby was "had been left on it's own" you happened to discern this from looking over, so the mother could have been somewhere that she could have seen the baby just not right next to the baby?
So basically your whole cats bum judgey pants stance is based on the fact the mother smoked and you THINK the baby MIGHT have been left on it's own for a couple of minutes. How many children do you have?

exactly queenofallbiscuits three week olds dont do much its not going to run off! and as you and i said someone could have been watching the baby from a distance, either the mother or another adult.

the judging is coming from the fact that the mum went to have a fag