to not want DP to go away for 10 days

[verew]

DP's sister lives in Dubai, she has invited him to stay with her, she's even prepared to pay for his flights. Its only him that has been invitedand we don't get on nor does she take any particular interest in the dcs. DP wants to go but I don't want him to as I don't want to be alone with the kids and I don't want it to appear to me or the kids that he is going on holiday as it very unlikely we will be going on holiday for financial reasons.

I really enjoy when my DH is away.

Apart from the Hong Kong 7s with the lads, his time away is for business trips. He often makes it two weeks so that he can have a free weekend with his parents.

When the DCs were little, I used to enjoy not having to cook an elaborate meal for him every evening, so would often have beans on toast for supper, or we'd go out to somewhere like Harvester with their early bird specials. If the housework wasn't always done, or if I wanted to have a few girls over, I didn't have to explain to him.

The kids loved it too. Time off from daddy rules, but also looking forward to his coming back (especially if we picked him up from the airport). Daddy liked that he felt missed, and that he was needed given the number of lightbulbs he'd replace when he got back.

I don't think my DH would ever begrudge me time on my own. I don't often take any, but when I do visit my family, I go by myself.

So, his worth is a bit of childcare?

Surely a trip to see his dsis is far more valuable than that? It sounds like an excellent trade.

Yeah, I agree, the whole thing is not an issue as long as both partners get a reasonable amount of annual leave and have enough money to each spend some time as they wish, together, alone, with family, friends etc.

But when there isn't enough to go around for everybody then it becomes important to be fair.

YABU. It's his sister, she's paying. You don't like her, she doesn't like you, so why would you want to go?

I think you're just jealous tbh. There are plenty of people who manage to look after their children all the time on their own, so 10 days doesn't seem much to ask.

As far as you not going on holiday goes, why don't you organise a cheap weekend with a friend somewhere, camping maybe?

My husband is just back from a week in the US on his own to see his brother, which we - his family paid for as a big birthday present. I didn't begrudge him it one bit, even though it was his Mum that paid for most of it. I didn't conclude that she was putting her sons before her daughter-in-law and grandchildren.

I had a great time, I took a few days off work, pottered about with the baybee, other two dds at school, it was fab. I watched some truly awful films - don't watch Friends with Benefits - its feckin' dire and read all the Hunger Games books and eat toast for my dinner every night - it was a holiday for all of us

verew you just sound so selfish with your last post, yo dont even like the woman, you know DH is close to her, yet you begrude him this time with her.

Honestly, Im so glad that DH and I have a relationship that considers each others needs.

I have young children, yes they are hard work, but I would never ever begrude him something like this.

I have a SIL that I'm not overly keen on and the feeling is mutual But she knows I encourage DH to meet up with her for lunch so they can spend some one on one time and we both love each others children. The DCs thing would be the deal breaker for me.

It doesn't do the children any harm to miss a holiday in a year.
Christ knows mine didn't have many when they were young and we were skinted, I mean totally broke in a bad way. We are not now but holidays for the children weren't up there at the top of the priority list.
They had plenty of days in the park, on the beach and down in the medows having picnics. They were happy days and I didn't mind not going because I was enjoying time with them.
If SIL had made a generous offer like that in those grim days Dh would have gone. I would have actively encouraged him to make sure she was ok. If it was established that she was ok I would have still have encouraged him because during them days I really feared for his health he was under so much pressure. I would have been glad for him to go and relax for a while.

Like I said earlier if DH's sister wanted him/needs him to go over to NZ to see her or if in fact it had been a while since they had seen each other then it is a good thing to do.
I am not saying these things to be 'liberal' or showing how tolerent I am.
I have put myself back to them days and thought my answers out before typing and I would hand on heart 'let' him go without a gripe.

I'd accept the free flight :o but buy yours and the kids' and stay somewhere together i.e. not at SILs. Have a few hours with SIL and if she can be civil more, but otherwise treat it as a holiday.

We've never missed a family holiday. Neither did my parents or my mother's parents. Everyone worked hard and the summer holidays, together abroad, were sacrosanct.

What if the reason was 'we don't get on nor does she take any particular interest in the dcs'?

I can only speak about my feelings and expierences narkedpuffin I like my SIL very much and she likes me.
She also adores my children and is the favourite aunty. She sends some great sweet parcels over for them. This is why I would be worried if she just asked for her closest brother (My DH) as he has always been the 'fixer' in the family.

TBH I wouldn't be offering to pay for flights for people I didn't like family or not especially if they have made it clear that they don't like me.
I'm not a mug for anyone.

Yes LeQueen, I'm baffled as to why they don't want to spend more time at home.....

Having a re-read through the thread I can see the majority of people think I am being unreasonable so I'm going to have to let him go. I suppose I let my personal dislike of her and my upset at the way she doesn't appear to care about the children at all cloud my opinion.

You were lucky Narkedpuffin.

We missed a few years when DH's business collapsed becasue a major company that he did £1000's of work for paid very late.
That's what I meant when I said I would have been happy for my DH to go and have a break. Them bad years nearly killed him (literally - panic attacks, pains in his chest, no sleep etc)

The good news is that we have more than made up for it !!

verew Can I ask

How old is she?

How long has she lived abroad?

Does she have kids of her own?

My DH recently spent a month away visiting family overseas. It was a bit of a juggling act for me, as i work FT and he normally picks dd up from school twice a week. I therefore had to make alternative childcare arrangements, and obviously, I did everything while he was away. He also spent a lot of money on flights & internal transfers etc. But it didn't occur to me to begrudge him any of this because he had good reasons for going, it's important to me that he is happy and I believe that he has a right to spend time with other members of his family.

We haven't yet decided if we'll have a family holiday this year, but if we do, there will certainly be less money to spend on it because of DH's expenditure earlier in the year? But do you know what, that sort of thing happens sometimes, and maybe next year, we'll spend more of the budget on stuff that dd and I would like to do. As long as one person isn't constantly taking the piss, it really isn't a big deal!

Is there a story why you don't get on verew

The SIL that I am mentioning - well I am not close to her eldest son.
It's not that I dislike him but he was born before I knew DH and I didn't have children for years later. I didn't know any children and didn't have any interest.
However by the time I came to have mine SIL had some more and suddenly a new world opened up to me!
Could it be she just doesn't see that much of them so hasn't got much of a connection. Is it worth making an effort to get on and communiating with each more either through SKYPE or FB or do you want to leave things as they are?

Well done you for accepting people's opinions.