My DH's "loose a lover, gain a mother" comments are really getting to me.

[messagetoyourudy]

My DH and I have been together for 22 years, and we have 2 DS age 5 and 7 - so in the grand scale of things we have been together far longer without children than with children.
I can perfectly accept that life and relationships have their ups and downs, especially when you add children into the mix. But for DH if we don't have sex at least once a week (he'd like sex a lot more than that) he starts making the above quip..... and get's all gropey and feely which I in turn find even more of a turn off.

I just don't get why he feels the need to make the comment at all. It upsets me that as an adult he can't deal with the fact that sometimes the children's needs or my own needs of a little bit of personal space come first. It's like he is a child clambering for my attention too.

Lately, I have spent a month working pretty much full time in a very stressful job environment, DH has got a bad back which has meant I have been sleeping in the kids room as DH is snoring so much sleeping on his back. Funnily enough I haven't really felt 'in the mood for love'.......My DH has now been making comments like "well you wanted the kids, I didn't". It's making me pull away from him even more. I have tried to talk to him about it but he say's he's just joking.

It's making me really angry. AIBU?

purple, your Mn name makes me think of a cabbage

funny, that

Oh... I was aiming for witty and unique (not). I guess cabbage is fine though.

Your name makes me think of someone shagging an omelet. Messy. :o

OP - he sounds like a complete charmer, I simply cannot think why you are not dying to bonk him senseless on a regular basis

A man would say 'I didn't want the kids anyway' once to me and he'd be out on his arse.

As for his mother/wife comments and general cock waving and gross groping... urgh.... he needs to grow the fuck up and act like a decent human being. How long has he been acting like a total twat for?

ah yes, chip, I am very lucky

the after dinner entertainment left a lot to be desired though

FIL groping MIL over the heavy cream fair put me off my sherry trifle

purple, cabbages are gooood

a good, honest vegetable you can boil the bastard out of

+going to have to stick up for DH im sorry!!! (and im female!) we all know guys have a high sex drive, his comments will be from feeling rejected by you turning him down! as females we want affectiion (I bet you'd go nuts if you tried to cuddole him in the kitchen and he pushed you away!). give hime a break and EXPLAIN!

like I said....

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhahahahhahahahaha.

Sorry surprise on a more serious note as a female... Nope, I can't

AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Oddly, I never find it surprising when someone arrives on a thread like this to post a pile of sexist drivel. Ah, the irony...

oops, cross post

Sorry. That was immature and patronizing.

surprisearrival Men as a gender do not have a higher sex drive than women. It's a myth. Not wanting to have sex is not a rejection and should never be seen as one. As males men also like affection.

I do agree that she should explain though, Explain to him in no uncertian terms that she will not force herself to "be in the mood" and have sex with him and that he is not an animal and should be able to control himself.

It's too late for all this nonsense. Just going to put tomorrow's veg on, then I'm off to bed.

I just hope dh doesn't wake up and want to tickle me with a cabbage leaf again

< sigh >

I'm going with the vegetable chat because if I post what I think about the rest of the thread I might combust.

Though, I will say, I'd love to hear MrsMyagi's thoughts

MrsM can't talk right now

She has her mouth full

< koff >

Eggy, I have a chest infection and that's second laughing induced "koffing" fit you have caused.

Stop! :o

I can sort that out for you, my ikkle cabbage leaf

lie down and I will thump you on the chest, and give you a good ole shakeabout

we'll have that phlegm up before you can say "boiled vegetables"

Wow, dh and I have sex once a month, if that. He should obviously be sticking his penis in my ear as I sleep, the poor love.

Wow, dh and I have sex once a month, if that. He should obviously be sticking his penis in my ear as I sleep, the poor love.

ah, you see, oracle, he isn't an arsehole is he ?

he is A. Good.Guy.

or should I say, a normal guy who isn't an arsehole who pressures a reluctant woman for sex she doesn't want/isn't well enough to participate fully in

Sounds good to me Egbert.

Phlegm, phlegm is a word that never looks right.

on that note, I would like to wish OP well if she is still reading her thread

and if I am not banned, I will be back for more vegetable talk tomorrow

I have spelled it right, believe me, I am a trustworthy person.

Hope you two are feeling better tomorrow with your poorly chests.

Just wanted to post to clarify a few things on my thread. I got drawn away yesterday catching up with a good friend and several bottle of wine, no vegtables though.

Yes, it is a bit of my end of tether kind of post it's been brewing up for a month or so. As we have been together for 22 years I would like to think that we share a good healthy sexual and emotional relationship.
I don't normally work full time, so am not normally so tired.
I don't normally sleep in my sons room, my DH currently has a bad back and is on strong painkillers and sleeps on his back and snores.
We do have sex on a regular basis, about once a week.

I find I am happy enough with the ebbs and flows of life and that when, like recently there are outside factors (see above) which means we do not have sex say for 2 weeks I am confident that our sex life will return when those said outside factors lessen. (ie back to working 22 hours a week, DH back gets better)
I however do not like or want my DH to make stupid 'quips' and grab at me whilst I am cooking tea. It does feel like I have married Benny Hill. It is hurtful and pushes me away.

TBH I found that when the children were younger, and still had naps every day we had alot more chance to have shared closeness and sex. I find the kids at 5 and 7 are alot more emotionally draining than as babys or toddlers. I wasn't using their ages as a get of sex card. I find the children hard bloody work at this age - maybe I am doing it wrong?

I do understand that MN can not solve my woes, but it is good to get top tips on cooking veg!