My DH's "loose a lover, gain a mother" comments are really getting to me.

[messagetoyourudy]

My DH and I have been together for 22 years, and we have 2 DS age 5 and 7 - so in the grand scale of things we have been together far longer without children than with children.
I can perfectly accept that life and relationships have their ups and downs, especially when you add children into the mix. But for DH if we don't have sex at least once a week (he'd like sex a lot more than that) he starts making the above quip..... and get's all gropey and feely which I in turn find even more of a turn off.

I just don't get why he feels the need to make the comment at all. It upsets me that as an adult he can't deal with the fact that sometimes the children's needs or my own needs of a little bit of personal space come first. It's like he is a child clambering for my attention too.

Lately, I have spent a month working pretty much full time in a very stressful job environment, DH has got a bad back which has meant I have been sleeping in the kids room as DH is snoring so much sleeping on his back. Funnily enough I haven't really felt 'in the mood for love'.......My DH has now been making comments like "well you wanted the kids, I didn't". It's making me pull away from him even more. I have tried to talk to him about it but he say's he's just joking.

It's making me really angry. AIBU?

'get out of sex card' not 'get of sex card'

morning, OP

never mind the veg, what about The Bisto ?

I totally understand how hard work kids of 5 and 7 are, working 22 hours and a husband that is being a childish and immature pillock

I hope things get better for you very soon. in the meantime I hope this thread has helped to convince you that you shouldn't be caving in to sexual advances that are not welcome to keep this big baby "happy"

and that you counter any ridiculous whining about "I never wanted the kids anyway" with "then why don't you fuck off and live a single life if you want to so much"

in other words, YANBU

Actually OP I would ban that comment about the dcs. I would tell him that if he says that again there would no choice in the matter. They are not there to be used in his silly games and if I thought for one moment that he was not 100% committed to them then he would be out on his ear anyway.

Because that kind of attitude is going to damage their self esteem and he is an adult, he did create them and he now needs to step up and parent them properly. If he thinks it's ok to talk to you like that, then he will certainly be ridiculing them as they grow up and they just don't need that.

So let him know, in no uncertain terms, that if he wants to talk you as an adult about his feelings/needs and is willing to listen to your feelings/needs, then you will discuss the issues with him. If not, I don't see how you can resolve this and imo, his family relationships will deteriorate.

I think I do need to stand up to the comments about the children. As much as he 'feels' it is a joke - it is not funny.

The children do drive him to distraction and I would say that he sometimes struggles with the day to day monotony of life as a parent, he would like them to be seen and not heard.
But that is probably a whole other thread.......

ha !

he is the first parent in the world to find kids hard work ?

diddums

he needs to grow the fuck up

Personally, I could not live with a partner who had that attitude towards his own children .

They need so much from their parents in terms of role models, self esteem, confidence building. You only have to read a few threads on these boards to see how parenting affects children into their adult years and throughout their whole lives.

What sort of adults do you want to raise. Do you want your son to copy his father's attitude to women and sex. Do you want your daughter to think she has to do the lions share of housework to be a 'good wife'. How will she gain your dh's attention and respect, by 'keeping him happy'?

I know the early years can be difficult but if you don't enjoy them, you are wasting your life and theirs. One day they will be gone and it will be just you and him. Those years with your children at home are so precious. In the words of Elton John, 'Don't wish it away, don't act like it's forever'.

You will suddenly look around yourself in 15 years time and wonder where it all went. What happened to your life.

I would be reassessing my life with this man and making some big changes now.

DH and I have a little moan togetherduring the ups and downs of being a parent

You have to be a united force agaoinst the onslaught sometimes

But if he ever used their existence as a weapon against me he would get my metaphorical boot up his arse

Not. On.

great post, fair

Why does everyone on the internet think lose is spelled loose?

Loose is the opposite of tight :)

I think sometimes when you get worked up and you're typing, spelling goes out the window!

Helpful, extremepie...

I was responding to glimmerberry and illustrating the difference between 'lose' and 'loose'.

If that's ok with you :D

"Gain a needy man child, lose a husband"

Ormirian.

You're right, I misdirected my sarcasm - sorry!